Do Words Make a Bit of Difference?

Another day, another assignment. I probably needed a bit of normality after having my brain scrambled by sex, but I would have preferred an Arrancar attack wasn't the catalyst for it. I tried not to think of it as having been real. It was just a dream, and I’d had so many of them about her, I could just list that one as another of many. Nope, not real. I was ready to go to the World of the Living, hang out with Ikkaku and Yumichika. Captain Hitsugaya and Matsumoto would be there too, as well as Rukia. I kept telling myself to be cool. Just be cool.

I wasn’t sure where we’d all stay, there wasn’t enough room at Urahara’s store, but I had a feeling that Rukia’d be back to staying with Ichigo. Not that I cared; he was a great fighter, a nice kid, our friend. He was too young for her, wasn’t he? Nope, not thinking about that. Besides, what did it matter to me? She’d made it quite clear that whatever it was I felt wasn’t returned. Not thinking about that, either! Which left what to think about? The mission; Arrancar’s, Aizen, the Hogyoukou, revenge.

After I’d slipped into my gigai, I stretched, feeling more accustomed to the physical limitations of the fake body than when I’d first started using it. The clothes in the World of the Living were much more restrictive, much tighter than the soul reaper uniform, but kimonos and the like had fallen out of fashion. I fingered the small rectangular package in one of my jeans pockets, wondering if I had time for a smoke before we all had to meet. I walked out of the store and crouched down, leaning against the white wall next to the door as I used a handy little plastic device to light the white cylinder between my lips.

I took a deep drag, my gigai’s lungs expanding in its artificial chest, smoke filling them. I’d missed that feeling like some of the reapers missed chocolate, cheap clothes or perfectly made ready-to-eat rice balls. I exhaled a cloud of grey smoke, and allowed myself a small satisfied smile. I felt her next to me and all my muscles tensed. She stood next to me, like nothing had changed between us, like she expected me to chat with her. The silence was thick and uncomfortable. I could see the exposed skin of her shins and knees as her feet tapped out a rhythm.

What could I say? I wasn’t sure, so for once I just kept my mouth shut and waited until the others finally joined us. They all looked so incongruently comfortable in the western style clothes. Hitsugaya looked more like a gray-haired kid than ever, impossibly young in his tight fitting clothes. Ikkaku looked cocky and confident, as always, and Yumichika preened. Matsumoto had somehow made the clothes she wore obscene, her giant breasts straining against the fabric constraints. She was a beautiful, eye catching woman in a Shinigami uniform, not really my type, but in those clothes... Wowser. I stared. Hard.

I flicked the butt of my cigarette away as Ichigo and Chad walked into the yard. Rukia walked over and started talking with the orange-haired boy enthusiastically. I told myself I wasn’t jealous, nope, not at all. “Freeloader-san,” I heard a familiar voice call from beside me. I turned and eyed the blond man with the goofy hat, hating the name he and his makeshift family persisted in calling me. His smile was huge behind his fan, his eyes completely hidden by the shadow cast by his stupid hat. “Good to see you, Freeloader-san,” he said as I cringed.

“D’ya hafta call me that, Urahara-san? I mean, really? Don’t I help out?” I asked pleadingly, trying to ignore the smirks and stares of the rest of the team as the shopkeeper snapped his fan shut. The ex-Shinigami gave another big smile as he clapped his hands to get the attention of Ichigo, Rukia and Chad.

“Ok, children,” Urahara said and explained the situation concisely, the obvious strengths of the Arrancars, Aizen’s likely plan and use for the Hogyoukou. Much of it was stuff we already knew, but hearing it laid out in such plain words was enough to make my stomach clench. We would watch and wait, gather as much information as we could, be vigilant against an enemy whose strength surpassed our own. Train, become stronger; that familiar refrain in my life. Train and become more.


~*~


I was watching the store entrance after an Arrancar attack. Jinta and Ururu had been beaten pretty badly and Tessai and Urahara were trying their damnedest to patch them up again. They hadn’t made back for the fight itself, but I was glad they were there for the kids now. The kids may have been built for toughness and hollow fighting, but they were no match for the strength and speed of the Arrancars that showed up.

Hell, all of us had pretty much gotten our collective asses handed to us. I had felt the spiritual pressures of our group; Ikkaku, Yumichika, Matsumoto even Hitsugaya, felt that they’d all taken serious damage, that they were struggling under the restrictions placed on us by the Soul Society. Even after the restrictions had been lifted, the fight was uneven and difficult. I didn’t run for Rukia as my instinct told me to. Ichigo was there with her, like he always was, fighting with her, defending her. After the Arrancars abrupt departure, I felt her being tended to by Inoue and I knew she’d get the care she needed. There really was no reason for me to run to her.

So, I crouched against the wall as I smoked. I had done this so many times, but this time I felt lonely and helpless. All my strength was for nothing, all my skill worthless. I totally ignored the spiritual signatures of my friends. There was nothing I could do for them anyway. I wanted to curl up in a little ball and sob, but I didn’t. I just sat there staring at a sky almost completely void of the stars that spattered the sky of the Soul Society.

I didn’t notice the shadow that crept into the yard, too busy feeling like shit. I ached from head to toe, and I bled freely from a cut over my left eye. When I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I blindly grabbed and twisted. I had the person on the dusty ground, my knee pressed against their neck as I chucked the half smoked cigarette somewhere in the yard. I scrambled off as soon as I realized it was Rukia I’d pinned in the dirt.

She looked pretty banged up, and I knew the only reason she was able to move around at all was all Inoue’s doing. “What’re ya doin’ here, Rukia?” I asked, completely unable to keep the weariness from my voice, guilt and shame eating a rotten hole in my gut. She struggled to sit up as I leaned against the wall.

“I wanted to check on you, make sure you’re ok,” she said quietly. I had really wanted to be alone so I could brood in silence, but most of all if I was alone I wouldn’t have had to face her sympathy, her concern.

“I’m fuckin’ pissed, ok? I let a little girl get beat down and only won by sheer luck,” I shook my head and I could feel blood drip off of my face. She was next to me before I realized it, reaching up towards my face. I grabbed her wrist and stopped her hand before it reached the intended target. She looked at me, a strange expression on her face. My heart pounded as she tilted towards me, her face angled up.

You’re a shit-head, my brain informed me. Our lips met, and my whole body tingled. She twisted her hand from my grasp and grabbed the back of my head. My tongue snaked out to rub against her lips and she opened her mouth immediately. I delved inside, tasted blood and tangled my tongue with hers as she moaned. I wrapped my arms around her, reveling the feel of her body pressed so close to mine. She let go of my head to pluck at the ties of my hakama and delved inside once they’d loosened. I found myself massaging her ass as she untied my fundoshi.

I sighed from the relief of having my dick freed from its fabric prison. Her hands caressed my length and I struggled to stay on my feet. Fuck, we couldn’t stay where we were, any one of our comrades might stop by and then where would we be? I grabbed the side of my drooping hakama, and picked her up roughly. I carried her around the side of the store, to the little blue van parked there. I set her down and opened the sliding side door.

Rukia looked anywhere but me as I pulled her inside the stuffy metal box on wheels. There was a sort of a bench in the back where we were. I sat on the narrow seat pulled her on top of me, her knees resting next to my hips, facing me. Her top gaped open and I put my face there to nudge the fabric aside. I smelled her singular fragrance; that sweetness salty with sweat from the battle, the metallic tang of blood, the dusty, closed in scent of the van.

I ran my hands up and down her back, felt the sharpness of her bones beneath the fabric of her kosode, under her skin. I felt wetness seeping through the material of her hakama and regretted not undressing her before we’d settled on the seat. She shivered when I bit one of her nipples hidden under a silky wrap. Her hands wrapped around my head to hold me in place as I nibbled ever harder at the covered peak.

She abruptly got off me, scrambling to yank off her hakama. It was very nearly completely dark inside the vehicle, but I saw enough of her pale legs and ass to get me even more turned on. I arched off the bench and pushed my loosened hakama down my legs. She turned back to me and knelt before me. I couldn't contain the loud gasp when her lips opened and she took me into her mouth. Her tongue swirled around my head a few times, and then all I felt was suction and heat. My hands found purchase in her black hair as the head of my penis nudged the back of her throat. Her head bobbed up and down, and I couldn't help but wonder how she knew about this, if anybody had taught her. Right before I would have come, she released me abruptly.

Then she stood up, and lowered herself slowly over my dick in the position we’d been in before. Her tight, honeyed sex stretched around me like it was made just for my cock and I growled deep in my throat as she sighed into my ear.

She lifted herself slowly almost off of me and my body jerked up of its own volition. Her arms fell around my shoulders and her breath was harsh against my neck before her sharp little teeth sank into my skin. Our pace increased, my hips bucking as she rode me vigorously. I could her breathe against my neck, the sound of her moans, our flesh slapping, my heart beat hammering loudly in my ears. The pressure built so quickly, so forcefully. Her soft, moist heat almost more than I could bear, making my legs shake as she arched her back and released the hold she had on me with her teeth.

Her slick walls pulsed rhythmically and she grabbed my shoulders with her nails. A final push up from me and the world collapsed. I was reduced to the spurting of my cock as we came, as we shuddered, as she gripped me like a velvet vice over and over. Then it was over, no more stars behind my eyelids as she let go and got off of me. We hadn’t spoken since I’d answered her question about how I was and we still didn’t speak. I braved a glance at her face; it was in an expression so deeply unhappy I was immediately ashamed. She grabbed her hakama off the floor and viciously tugged them into place.

Her underwear was snatched off the floor and hidden in a fold and just like that she was out of the van. The only evidence of our coupling was my limp, wet dick smearing sperm and the remnants of her arousal on my thigh, and the smell of her all around me. Gods, I thought, I’m such a fucking tool. After I’d tucked myself back into my hakama and tied them in place, I lurched out of the van. She was nowhere in sight. I put the encounter out of my mind, determined not to obsess about a purple eyed woman who twisted my heart in knots and left me bleeding in the dirt every time we came together.

I resumed my position next to the door of the store and resisted the urge to track her whereabouts, to make sure she was safe. To go to her and beg that she feel for me even half of what I felt for her.

~*~

Enormous thanks to SexyBleach! Your reviews mean a ton to me- words just don't adequately express how much I truly appreciate your support.

Emcielle, right now that just isn't in the cards. The Rukia I know is a horrid tease. That bitch, treating my man like that... :) As for the other, I'm not finished writing yet, so who knows...

I'd also like to give a shout-out to emmie_chan849 & starbearertm over on LJ for their kind words.

If anybody would like to hook up on LJ, check out my Author Page, I've added my LiveJournal info there. I'm always happy to meet people, and BS about pretty much anything.

It's (oh god this sounds so cheestastic, but fuck it, I'll say it anyway) so awesome that I've gotten such positive feedback. So to the people who voted as well as my reviewers, hugs all around.

I politely commandeered the chapter title from a song by Dom & Roland, which I do not claim to own or make any money from. It's meant in a "More than I punish myself" sort of a way, and also brings me back to the days I snuck into clubs to dance around like the rhythmless white-girl I am.

Anywaaaay... Review!