Getaway

 

Turning his head to nuzzle Shuuhei's cheek, Kisuke groaned as he gradually lowered his other leg down to the bed. Kisuke arched, stretched, and moaned as the chain pulled at his nipple. "Ohhh... Gods and goddesses... s-sorry about that..."

"'sokay..." Shuuhei slurred, much to Kisuke's gratitude. He shook his head and kissed Kisuke's cheek before he reached and undid the clamp on his own skin and then carefully undid Kisuke. A warm palm covered Kisuke's chest and abused nipple as Shuuhei eyed the cuffs as though they were an enemy about to attack.

"Rub a little... Mmm... there..." Kisuke murmured. "You can leave that for a little bit... I'll... I'll be all right until you get your breath..."

Shuuhei grunted, unconvinced. He smirked at Kisuke before kissing him with a wet press of tender mouth and tongue and Kisuke made a low sound of content. After a long moment, Shuuhei sighed through his nose, withdrew from Kisuke's body, making Kisuke wince and roll, and reached for the clasp on Kisuke's right cuff. He unfastened one side and then the other in quick succession, and looked down at Kisuke, brow furrowed. "Here...?" Shuuhei asked, rubbing Kisuke's arm above the bend of the elbow.

"Ooohhh... yes. Mm... just like that." Kisuke flexed his fingers, sighing at the return of circulation, and gradually straightened an elbow that had been locked for longer than he liked to think.

Shuuhei nodded, shifting onto knees to rub both Kisuke's arms. The brunette said nothing, his chest's rise and fall regaining its normal rhythm. Eventually he pulled a face, squeezed Kisuke's arms, and yanked off the condom, tying it and dropping it to the floor. He crawled up Kisuke's body, studying the blond. "C'mere?" he said softly, lying down next to Kisuke.

Nestled against Shuuhei's solidity and warmth, Kisuke closed his eyes on tears when Shuuhei's arms wrapped about him. The look on Shuuhei's face as Kisuke climaxed was burned into Kisuke's mind, and the evident love cracked and crumbled old defenses. Still, Kisuke hid his tears on Shuuhei's sweat-dampened skin.

Shuuhei sighed with his entire body. He squeezed Kisuke in a careful hug and swallowed audibly as though working up courage. "You're... Kisuke, you're beautiful. To me. Like you were, while we did this, and now." Shuuhei's cheek brushed back and forth over Kisuke's hair. "Maybe even more now. I'm... honored... and I loved every moment of being with you."

Completely unable to hide the shaking of his shoulders as the streaks of tears turned into sobs, Kisuke buried his face against Shuuhei's chest and let himself cry.  "I... oh stars and rain... I'm... I'm all right, Shuuhei..."  Kisuke firmed his voice as best as he was able. "Really, I am. I loved everything you did. I just...post-scene, I'm a little... vulnerable is all."

"It's okay," Shuuhei said in a blurry whisper. He pet Kisuke's hair before squeezing his arms in a tighter embrace. "Everything's all right, Kisuke. I'm here, you're safe, and... I'm happy to have you any way I can get you."

"Safe." Kisuke's whisper trailed off to nothing, and he shuddered all over. The honest intensity of Shuuhei's tone made him want to protest and hide. He ducked against Shuuhei and nuzzled, relaxing as though tired.

"Of course you are," Shuuhei said quietly. "It's... it's me, Kisuke. You know I'd die before I let anything happen to you. And here, like this... I've got you." He hugged Kisuke harder, pressed him closer. "Got you. Will hold you and keep you... 'slong as you want."

"Oh, Lords of Night and Day," Kisuke moaned. The thought of having Shuuhei for as long as he wanted stood like a single grass blade against a vast tornado of self-recrimination and guilt. The boy probably meant every word he said, and Kisuke couldn't figure out a way to let him down easily. "Shuuhei," Kisuke started, hesitant and completely unsure of how to continue because he wanted what Shuuhei offered but knew he shouldn't keep it. "That's a priceless gift."

"If you say so," Shuuhei replied. "It's just..." He made a frustrated noise, sighed, and stroked Kisuke's back. "Just something that's there. That you don't have to take or... do anything... with. Don't worry about it. This is good, too. Thank you."

Kisuke buried his face against Shuuhei's throat. "No... no... not... ah shit. I love you, too. I've wanted you for a really long time, but I couldn't... I can't... I can't drag you into my life. It's too... gods, you know the surface of it. Two kids, two domestic partners, and there's a lot that... I can't endanger you, but I want you in an utterly selfish way."

Pulling back to nudge Kisuke's lips against his, Shuuhei silenced Kisuke's protests with a kiss. Hands roamed over Kisuke's back, one leg dragged him closer, and Shuuhei's tongue licked the hesitant words out of Kisuke's mouth. At long last, Shuuhei withdrew, cupping Kisuke's cheek. "Be selfish, Kisuke," he said, dark eyes flashing. "Hell, be a greedy bastard. I want you, too, and will kick your ass if you try to weasel out of something good and real because you think I don't know what I'm getting myself into. You act like this ancient man, but you're only three years my senior, and I'm tough enough to handle what you throw at me. I was a fuckin' street brat, and I hang out in tattoo parlors with drunks, ex-marines, and needle-happy pain freaks." Shuuhei smirked, but his eyes were searching and affectionate. "Don't you dare tell me what I can't take, Kisuke. Not when you said... not after..." Shuuhei closed his eyes, swallowed, met Kisuke's gaze. "Not after you say, 'I love you' like it's been there all along."

"Like it's..." Kisuke caught his breath at the ache that punched him in the gut. "It's like... oh, gods of the lowest hells, I said it, didn't I? And meant it, too. It's not what you can or can't take for goodness sake. It's what I can or can't give you, Shuuhei."

With an unimpressed grunt and hard look, Shuuhei studied Kisuke like the keys to controlling the universe were buried in his eyes. "When we're at Deathtoll, do you have a good time? Don't think -- answer. Yes or no."

"Yes," Kisuke watched Shuuhei, but he rubbed against Shuuhei's hand.

"Good," Shuuhei said. "When you saw me at Glow Friday night, were you happy to see me?"

"Very." Kisuke let Shuuhei lead, feeling blind, lost, and angry with himself.

"Me, too," Shuuhei said. "Did you like me holding you in the limo?"

Kisuke took a shaking breath but nodded. "And I like you holding me now."

"I love it," Shuuhei replied, hugging the other man with his arm and leg. "And I loved you cooking for me. You make a mean steak. Think you could do that for me again sometime?"

"Sometime... yes," Kisuke said quizzically.  "Is... where are you going with this?"

"Hush," Shuuhei said, kissing Kisuke with force before pulling back and kissing the corner of his mouth. "Don't think, just answer when I ask you something. Did you like undressing me?"

Kisuke wanted to dodge, but he bit his lower lip and said softy, "Yes."

"Good," Shuuhei said, hesitant smile spreading his lips. "Because lots of people see the tattoos, but not everybody gets to know what they mean. And I liked telling you. A lot. Because it's you, I wanted to tell you, and I know you. So I know what it meant for you to let me put the tie between your teeth in the limo. For me to take you in the shower. For you to show me how you like to play..." Shuuhei's eyes softened, and he caressed Kisuke's lower lip. "Do you like me understanding what trust means to you, Kisuke?"

Kisuke closed his eyes, the warring emotions within him making him want to escape even as he also wanted to be held, seen, known. He didn't think he'd get to live this long, much less be where he now was now, and being with anyone was still dangerous. Still a risk.

A gentle kiss, and Kisuke licked his lips to taste Shuuhei. Stupid, maybe; against his better judgment, certainly. But what was the use of living if he couldn't have love? Being safe only went so far, being alive wasn't the same as living. And now living meant getting to hear Shuuhei moan his name; meant that Shuuhei wanted him.

Kisuke opened his eyes and whispered, "Yes."

"I like it, too," Shuuhei said. "Because it took the same thing for me to let you buy me an overpriced shirt at James. For you to buy a drink at Deathtoll. You don't use things against your friends. I've always loved that about you." Shuuhei shifted, getting somehow impossibly closer, their noses brushing. "It's you, so you blindfold me. It's you, so you can tie me down and make me come. It's you, so I want hear you talk about stuffed French toast, want to hold you all night, and hear you scream poetry when I'm inside you. All that in a weekend, Kisuke. All that from the years we've known each other."

Shuuhei caught Kisuke's chin. "So I know you deserve a hell of a lot more than a bad date with some cold asshole who would never appreciate you for who you are, for what you can and cannot do, and for what you give without knowing you do it." Shuuhei's eyes glistened, but he never wavered. "Please tell me you hear me."

Kisuke looked back through tears and whispered around the lump in his throat. "I hear you, Shuuhei."

Maybe it was that easy.  It was just what they could give each other when they had the time, when Kisuke could find them a safe place just to be. Maybe he could ensure that Shuuhei wouldn't get dragged into his other life, and a traitorous voice in Kisuke's mind whispered: What if he were beside you? Not just protected, not just kept safe. What if he were to help you?

Kisuke knew he could trust Shuuhei to stay sane and safe in situations in which Renji would be hopeless. Small things to start or maybe not jobs at all, just someone else who knew Kisuke -- all of Kisuke -- and who also trusted him.

"Thank you," Shuuhei said, and he pulled Kisuke flush, buried his face in Kisuke's hair, breathed deeply. "'cause, really, the only reason I know what I can take from you is because I know what you can give."

Kisuke pressed against Shuuhei's throat and chest; let himself wrap around Shuuhei's body and just hold on. "Thank you for reminding me, Shuuhei."

"Anytime..." Shuuhei answered, voice thick with emotion and tears. They held one another, time marked by breathing and the slowing of Shuuhei's heart, pounding hard against Kisuke's chest and gradually easing. Finally Shuuhei shifted and kissed Kisuke's neck and shoulder. "So long as you understand that that means you're cooking me that steak."

"Yes," Kisuke answered with a rumbling chuckle. "I will. I promise." Reluctantly, he rolled away from Shuuhei, groaning as he tried to sit up.

"Would you stop that," Shuuhei said, gently chiding and laughing at the same time. He wiped his face before reaching and grabbing pillows. Carefully, Shuuhei eased an arm under Kisuke and lifted him upright using the pillows as props.

"Now I really do feel like an old man," Kisuke protested. "Gods, I'm sore."

Shuuhei rolled his eyes as Kisuke settled. "You'd think a man with all your years of experience would know when to ask for help."

Kisuke sniffed. "Well, I wished to see what you drew on me."

Shuuhei's hand trailed to touch the top of the drawing that now covered Kisuke's lower abs, hips, and groin. "Just... something..."

Looking down, Kisuke gasped at the "something" that stood out in brilliant colors on Kisuke's pale skin. The midnight blue flower that bloomed over his hip was large, petals almost lazy, and it covered hipbone and the top of one thigh. Black chain and green vines snaked from it, weaving in loops and circles over pelvis, across stomach, and around his navel. The end of the chain curved upward, reaching for the other hip, and the vines trailed downward toward Kisuke's opposite leg.

The center of the flower was brilliant green, and in it was a quick-drawn sword, recognizable in shape despite the crude ink. Around the sword was a lopsided halo that rested on the hilt. Shuuhei traced the links of the chain with one finger, watching Kisuke.

"Oh, that is gorgeous," Kisuke said in a hushed voice. "They're like yours, so graceful.  But..."  He looked at Shuuhei. "Why did you choose a sword?"

Shuuhei's lips tilted up in a hesitant smile, eyes canting down as his fingers found the sword and halo. "Because you fight the good fight," Shuuhei said quietly. "Midnight blue because you're secretive, like the night... green because I know you like it. Chain because you're bound to..." Shuuhei paused, mulling words. "Something. Many somethings, maybe. And vines for growth. For me." Shuuhei shrugged.

Kisuke stroked Shuuhei's jaw, fingers sliding up to his hair and then gently back down again. "Indeed, that is very appropriate, my friend, my... lover. I find that growth for you is very much worth doing, and am intrigued by how you surprise me in so many lovely and pleasing ways."

Shuuhei eyed Kisuke. "Uh-huh," he said with a sigh. "Love you, too, Kisuke. Even with your mouth." Shuuhei kissed the long-winded body part in question. "Mmm... and sometimes even because of it."

Kisuke softly harrumphed and kissed Shuuhei back, slow and sweet. He sighed and stretched, and joints popped and crackled. "I guess we should think about cleaning up, packing up, and calling the limo soon, I'm sad to say.  There's not much left to the day."

"Mm... we can think about it." Shuuhei pulled one of the pillows from behind Kisuke, catching the man before wrapping around him.

Kisuke relaxed into the embrace, liking Shuuhei far too much and craving more. He leaned against Shuuhei and laughed softly as his hand trailed against inked skin. "Right. I'll admit I'd rather think of you."

Shuuhei hummed. "That sounds like a much better plan." He settled against Kisuke, holding him and content. "Limo, moving and all that later. For now, don't want to let you go."

"And that's a plan that speaks of remarkable insight, sweet Shuuhei," Kisuke murmured, and let himself enjoy the safety inherent in Shuuhei's embrace.

***

The driver slammed the trunk, and Shuuhei nodded at the man. Sighing an explosive exhale, Shuuhei reached and took Kisuke's hand, squeezing perhaps too tightly around the slender fingers. He let himself be led to the back door that the driver held open, and he glanced back up at the house, which was much less Alfred Hitchcock in the light of day. His stomach churned, his heart beat too hard, and it took him a couple of seconds to realize that Kisuke paused before climbing into the car. Shuuhei turned to meet gray eyes that took his breath away, and it dawned on him that he still clutched at Kisuke's hand like some needy idiot. He swallowed and blushed.

Kisuke smiled and brought the knuckles of Shuuhei's hand to his lips. "I've enjoyed this weekend very much. I'm almost sorry to leave."

Shuuhei opened his mouth, closed it, and told himself it was ridiculous to get the shivers just from the brush of lips. Full, mobile lips that could do such amazing things around his--

"Yeah," Shuuhei agreed, hoarsely. He frowned and let go of Kisuke. "Me, too."

Kisuke took back Shuuhei's hand and tugged gently on Shuuhei's wrist as Kisuke bent to slide into the smooth leather interior of the limousine. Shuuhei didn't know it was possible to feel such relief at a simple touch, but his shoulders sagged with it as he followed Kisuke into the car. The door closed, the driver went around, and Shuuhei saw the screen already up between the compartments.

Not letting himself think too much about it, Shuuhei slid over to Kisuke and wrapped the man into his arms, chin brushing over blond hair. "After... after everything." Shuuhei paused, unable to say, After confessing how I really feel, holding you while we both cried, and trying to figure out which way was up long enough to clean up and pack only to find out that I'm scared shitless that you'll just fucking disappear when we get home, and a ten hour flogging would be easier to take, for the goddamned record, but he thought it. "I don't want to let go."

Kisuke's body stiffened in one instant and relaxed in Shuuhei's arms in the next. "I don't want you to let go, either," Kisuke murmured. "But I need to tell you some things, first, and ask you a few questions."

Shuuhei frowned and tightened his hold on the other man. Kisuke could damned well order him to stop if he didn't like it. "Okay..."

Kisuke kissed Shuuhei's lips. "You already know that I have two kids that depend on me, and two partners that share in my living arrangements and business, yes?"

"Yes, I know."

"They're with me to help with a situation I didn't expect to survive. I was prepared to die going after Aizen, but I didn't, and I have duties and allies I never expected. And now..." Kisuke pursed his lips and took a breath. "Now I'm afraid I have something I need to live for."

Shuuhei tilted his head, working his way through Kisuke speech. "Aizen" was a code name for some creepy ass son of a bitch involved in the mob. Shuuhei worked to wrap his brain around the idea that Kisuke knew the guy.

"I know I do," Shuuhei said quietly. "Have something to live for, I mean. Several, really, but..." Hesitantly, Shuuhei kissed Kisuke again with his eyes open. "New reasons aren't bad things."

"Yes," Kisuke said softly. "Yes, they aren't bad at all. I was afraid that I would drag you into that mess if we became involved; but you were right. You are strong, you are very capable, and I'd be remiss not to acknowledge you. You could be very good at the things I do in the dark. Would you want to help me and mine?"

"Yes," Shuuhei said immediately, uncaring as to the how and what said help would entail. Helping Kisuke was to the good, that much Shuuhei knew for certain.

Grey eyes widened, and Kisuke shook his head, hugging Shuuhei tight. "You are amazing, my friend."

"'Friend' being the key word there, Kisuke," Shuuhei teased. "Even without this weekend, I've known for a while now that I'd help you bury a body. All you have to do is ask and give me time to grab a shovel."

Resting his forehead against Shuuhei, Kisuke sighed. "That's what I needed you to know and what I needed to ask. I am bound by what little honor I have to the people who need me, but with you..." He quirked a grin up at Shuuhei. "With you, it's all about choice and desire, but I may propose unique meeting places for us just keep you from being made a target, if that's all right?"

"Target," Shuuhei said dully. He grunted and tucked Kisuke beneath his chin. Shuuhei was quiet for a long time, holding Kisuke, listening to them both breathe. He knew there was a lot he needed to know, ask, understand. Shuuhei knew that some things he'd have to take on faith; that was how it always worked with Kisuke, really. If Shuuhei trusted the man enough to believe Kisuke would never do anything to hurt his friends, partners, or his kids intentionally, then Shuuhei could trust him to tell Shuuhei what needed to be known or said.

Shuuhei stroked a thumb over Kisuke's cheek. "I'll follow your lead. I'm... happy to do it. I love you, Kisuke, it's that simple, and I'll meet you wherever you think is best, and I'll try to keep my mouth shut when you say it's better if I don't know something." Shuuhei gripped Kisuke's jaw and made their eyes meet. "Though I want any and all of you. You know that, right?"

Kisuke's gaze met Shuuhei's without the flutter of lashes, the shadow of his customary hat, or the more familiar hooded look that always hid something behind smoke-colored eyes. "I do. It still..." Kisuke swallowed and his eyes flickered down and then forcibly back up to Shuuhei's. "I still get struck wordless by it, but I now know."

"Oh good," Shuuhei said on a sigh. He grinned, suddenly, and kissed Kisuke until he had to find air. "Hate to have to beat sense into you. Really. Awful, that."

"Mm," Kisuke hummed against Shuuhei's lips. "I might enjoy that, sometime."

"Time and place," Shuuhei mumbled, kissing Kisuke again, slow slide of tongues moving together driving him to distraction.

"How's meeting up Friday at Deathtoll?" Kisuke said in a breath between kisses.

"Mmm," Shuuhei moaned. He clutched at Kisuke's shirt. "Friday sounds like, oh fucking hell." Shuuhei broke off with a scowl that turned into a laugh.

"What?" Kisuke looked dazed. "What?"

Shuuhei pushed Kisuke against the side of the car, entangling limbs while hands roamed. No, he really wasn't going to get enough of Kisuke anytime soon. Might take years, really... to even begin to...

"Mmgh," Shuuhei said, pausing for the damnable words. "Nothing, it's nothing. I promised Renji dinner on Friday." An idea dawned. "You could come? Be my date? Have to put up with Byakuya, in that case, but..." Shuuhei licked the tip of Kisuke's nose. "Make it up to you if it got strained." A kiss to Kisuke's jaw. "At any point..." A kiss to his throat. "At all..."

"You... don't... ngh... play fair, Shuuhei. But... uhm... right... dinner." Kisuke moaned as Shuuhei bit down over Kisuke's pulse. "Yes. I'll be there."

"Good," Shuuhei sighed against Kisuke's skin before stroking over the blond scruff. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

The smile that lit up Kisuke's eyes made Shuuhei mold their mouths together in a fast, hard kiss. The laugh that followed made Shuuhei grin against Kisuke's cheek. And the warm embrace taught Shuuhei new things about happiness and hope.

"Me, either, Shuuhei. Me, either."

~*~