The Suit

Chapter 9

The perfect words never crossed my mind
Cause there was nothing in there but you

I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me*


The sweaty discomfort of being smothered under too many blankets brought Uryuu halfway out of sleep. The heavy arm resting at his waist reminded him immediately where he was; it wasn't that he had too many blankets, it was that Chad threw off heat like a furnace. He carefully edged his feet out from under the blanket, not wanting to disturb the arm still draped around him. He kept his eyes closed until it was plain that he was irrevocably awake, then he opened them.

Chad's right arm was still under his neck, the forearm and wrist flung out, big palm turned up. In the thin light sneaking in between the cracks of the blinds, Uryuu studied the hand, the long fingers curled, hiding the wrinkles of the palm, and he knew immediately that he wouldn't be able to stand it, if he never woke like this again.

Chad snored lightly against the back of his neck and then moved, his left hand sliding down Uryuu's chest and then flattening on his stomach. Chad shifted his legs, pressing himself flush against the curve of Uryuu's body, and Uryuu's eyes flew open wide when he felt a warm, yielding pressure against the back of his thigh. The hand on Uryuu's stomach slid a few inches with the movement, one fingertip gliding over Uryuu's lower belly where the undersized shirt had ridden up, and Uryuu held his breath. Heat whipped through him. It sizzled hotter when Chad breathed out, warm breath raising the hair at the back of Uryuu's neck. Chad shifted, rousing, and that motion pressed the soft bulge of his crotch against Uryuu's thigh again, and Uryuu bit his lip.

He was so hard he was about to pop the seams of his borrowed shorts, and Chad was about to wake up.

Chad flattened his hand on Uryuu's belly, a deliberate action this time, not just the movement of a man dreaming. It only rested there for a few seconds, and Uryuu stifled a sigh of relief when it slid away.

Moving in slow motion, Chad rolled away. Uryuu's body temperature immediately lowered by a few degrees.

"Morning," Chad said, his voice rough.

Uryuu turned onto his side to face Chad, discreetly lifting the blankets at his waist as he did. "Afternoon," he said, both a return of the greeting and a good-humored correction. Chad smiled at him, his eyes completely obscured by tangles of dark hair.

Then, without another word, Chad stood and padded off to the bathroom.

Uryuu thrust the blanket away from himself. He wiped his forehead free of the thin layer of sweat, and he savored the blessed coolness for a few seconds before the bathroom door opened, and he hid himself under the blanket again.

Just as Chad exited the bathroom, a knock sounded at the door.

"Chad!" Ichigo yelled. "Chado!"

Uryuu considered for a fraction of a second, then he yanked the blanket over his head and feigned sleep.

As Chad cracked the door open, silencing Ichigo's voice, Uryuu cursed himself. The bathroom. Why didn't I go to the damn bathroom?

Because of my damn hard-on, that's why. He cursed silently, vehemently. Because of the hard-on that had wilted completely at the thought of being caught by Ichigo in Chad's bed, wearing Ichigo's old, cast-off clothing. So now he was cowering under the blanket like a child, and there was no way Ichigo would miss the person-sized lump on Chad's futon if he even so much as looked into the apartment.

He did more than look. His voice got louder as he passed inside.

"Thought you'd be up about now," he said. "I brought you homework assignments. And breakfast."

Uryuu heard the dull rustle of a paper bag and Chad's quiet thanks.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" Ichigo's voice was supremely amused, and Uryuu cringed. He heard the shuffle of footsteps, then Ichigo's quiet laugh. "The Quincy followed you home, did he?"

Chad didn't answer, and Uryuu wished fervently that he could see whatever silent communication passed between Chad and Ichigo. A shrug? A smile? A disapproving frown? Nothing at all?

Then Ichigo spoke up again. "What, are you naked under there or something?" Hilarity dripped from his voice. "You can come out, Ishida."

"He's not feeling well," Chad said, and Uryuu silently thanked Chad for intervening.

"Oh," Ichigo said, the humor leaving his voice. "That sucks."

The footsteps receded toward the front of the apartment. "All right, Chad, I'm outta here. See you tomorrow."

The door opened, and Chad said, "Thanks again."

"Sure thing," Ichigo replied, and then, louder, "Get up and eat something, Quincy. Time to quit moping around." His voice was bright with amusement again, and Uryuu seethed, his disadvantage absolute. He couldn't even talk back, he thought, not without making a liar out of Chad, or encouraging Ichigo to hang around longer just to argue.

Then the door finally closed, and Chad said, "He's gone."

Uryuu peeled the blankets down to his waist and sat, wiping at his forehead and cheeks where they'd started sweating again. Chad was watching him with a wry smile quirking his lips... and after an annoyed few seconds, Uryuu forgave him. He had just saved Uryuu from quite a bit of unpleasantness, after all.

Grateful to finally have the chance, Uryuu snatched up his uniform from where he'd left it, neatly folded and in plain sight of the door. He disappeared into the bathroom where he splashed his face and rinsed his mouth, then changed out of Ichigo's stupid clothes.

When he exited the bathroom, he saw that Chad had set the table and opened the blinds, and the afternoon sunshine that crept in through the window made everything look hazy and golden and somehow dreamlike.

He settled at the table where Chad had placed silverware and plates and opened styrofoam containers of food. The twitchy irritation from Ichigo's visit still plagued him, and he tried hard to wipe the frown from his face as he spooned fragrant rice onto his plate.

Because Ichigo was gone now, and sitting across from him was Chad, who had slept all day with his arms around Uryuu.

And it was time for the two of them to have a talk.

However, resolutions made in the middle of the night had a way of weakening in the full light of day, and this one was no different. Uryuu felt his palms go clammy.

Without the urgency conveyed by a near-death experience on little sleep, the thoughts he'd had last night made less sense. Sure, he could tell Chad how he felt, but if Chad didn't reciprocate his feelings... would things still be the same between them? Or would their friendship become strained, and they'd drift apart?

After last night, he was cautiously optimistic. But Chad could have any number of things going through his head, and Uryuu didn't know him well enough to assume anything at all.

Uryuu sighed and lifted another container, sniffed its contents and replaced it on the table.

As Chad loaded his own plate, Uryuu watched him furtively, and another kind of urgency crept up on him. He couldn't put this off any longer. He had to make his decision today--either talk to Chad, or don't--and he felt that the natural deadline for that decision was by the time they finished eating.

He tried to keep his face blank as he filled his plate from the cartons spread across the table. It was obviously two separate orders, enough food that even taking into consideration Chad's big appetite, Uryuu wouldn't have thought it was all for one person.

Chad noticed his frown, met his eyes.

"Ichigo didn't know I was here," Uryuu said.

"Not until he got here." Chad snapped apart a set of chopsticks.

Uryuu sat, staring at his noodles and sauce. "This was his dinner."

"Mmh," Chad said, now chewing a big mouthful of rice.

"Why didn't he take it with him?"

Chad swallowed, took a drink of water. "If he wanted it, he would have."

Uryuu frowned, and followed that to a logical conclusion. And if he wanted to stay, he would have stayed.

...He wanted to give it to me.

Flustered by Ichigo's surprising act of friendship, Uryuu began lifting noodles to his lips and chewing them mechanically. It wasn't a huge gesture, but it was a small and unexpected one, and it was surprisingly sensitive for Kurosaki.

Ichigo's parting blow made much more sense to him now, seen in the light of the chest-beating, macho camouflage that it was. It occured to Uryuu then that he might not be as friendless as he'd thought. But that was something he'd have to consider later; there were more important things at hand.

His lingering irritation from Ichigo's visit melted away, and he calmly finished the rest of his plate in the hazy, syrupy light flowing into Chad's little apartment. When he took the last bite, he still hadn't come to a satisfactory conclusion regarding what Chad's feelings might or might not be, but that could not matter any longer.

Once Chad placed his silverware on his plate and began tucking empty cartons into each other, Uryuu took a deep breath.

"Sado-kun."

Chad looked up, his face unreadable.

"We need to talk," Uryuu said.

"Okay." Chad stopped tidying and rested his hands on his knees.

"What is it that we're doing?" Uryuu asked. Now that he'd finally begun this conversation, blood roared in his ears and his face felt stiff, his expression not entirely under his control.

Chad tilted his head to the side and didn't answer.

"I mean... last night. And then there was the wedding, and the hotel room. And the..." Uryuu trailed off, not knowing how to tactfully say the time I measured you and you got an erection and I did too. He clenched his hands in his lap with the belated realization that no amount of courage in the world could make up for having no clue what he was doing.

"I think there's something here, but I might be wrong. I like you, Chad, I do, I only..." Uryuu's face was hot and tingling, and his tongue was thick in his mouth. He could not for the life of him think what to say next. What he perceived as his own failure was just as aggravating as the one-sided wreck this conversation was quickly turning into.

He tried to meet Chad's eyes, and he failed for many reasons.

Frustrated, Uryuu stood abruptly and walked to the out the window, clutching the sill hard enough to hurt his fingertips. A bus trundled by, sunlight flashing off its windows, and Uryuu was struck by a vivid image of Ichigo's red hair glowing in the sun, Ichigo throwing his arm over his eyes.

Too much work, Ichigo had said that morning on the bus. They look elsewhere.

Relaxing his grip, he sighed.

He wasn't going to go elsewhere just because Chad seemed like too much work. So Chad might have a hard time verbalizing his feelings. He did too, apparently.

"Chad, I'm fine with... cuddling, or whatever it is we do. But I need to know if that's all you want."

Chad was silent for long enough that Uryuu began questioning his delivery. I'm fine with just cuddling, he should have said. He realized belatedly that he'd given no clear indication of his own preferences in the matter, and that he was basically asking Chad to stick his neck out without any kind of reassurances.

But then Chad said quietly, looking Uryuu directly in the eyes, "That's not all I want."

With a surge of relief, Uryuu realized that this was Chad he was talking to--Chad, who was fearless and honest, and who didn't get hung up on uncertainties, didn't play the little games that everyone else did.

Then the relief surged into something more, and Uryuu's mouth went dry. Chad wanted to do more than just cuddle.

"Good," Uryuu said, his heart slamming inside his ribcage. "It's not all I want, either."

Chad's smile just about turned Uryuu's legs to jelly. The air in the apartment seemed to thicken, the warm light solidifying. Chad moved through it slowly, his eyes never leaving Uryuu's face. He stopped less than an arm's length away, and the thrill of imminent action after all these months made Uryuu's face, his palms, his spine tingle. He wet his lips and broke the illusion of paralysis by shuffling forward half a step, tilting his head back to watch Chad's face.

Chad's hands came up, swimming through glowing dust motes, to rest gently on Uryuu's shoulders. Uryuu's eyelids felt heavy as those big hands slid down, fingertips skimming his triceps, to come to a rest loosely encircling his elbows. Chad's eyes under the dark fringe of his hair were intense and searching, and Uryuu felt the tension inside himself boil to a head.

Pulse hammering in his throat, Uryuu tugged his arms out of Chad's loose grip and reached up, pressed his palms against Chad's cheeks.

Chad leaned down, and their lips met in a kiss. They both froze like that, Uryuu's upper lip resting against Chad's lower one, and Uryuu's heart was beating so hard he could hear nothing else. Then the sound of Chad's breathing came to him, and the breath flowed out over his own mouth and upper lip, quick and shallow.

Chad's hands splayed against his back and Uryuu kissed him again, and then again, sliding his fingers up into Chad's hair. For a moment Uryuu's thoughts were empty but for the softness of Chad's hair, the dry, rough texture of his lips, the warmth of his hands on Uryuu's back.

Then one thought appeared, bold and striking on the blank canvas of his mind: he'd never been kissed before. Eighteen years old, and this was his first kiss. Why, he wondered, why did I wait so long? Heart thundering, Uryuu strained upward, tilting his head and parting his lips. Rough stubble scraped his chin, then Uryuu carefully took Chad's bottom lip between his own.

Chad made a soft sound and his hands flexed against Uryuu's back. Squeezing his eyes closed, Uryuu wrapped an arm around his heavy shoulder, pressing his palm against the smooth nape of Chad's neck, and he felt the fine movement of muscle under his hand as Chad kissed him, careful and slow and sweet, their lips barely parting.

A deep tremor in his left calf ran all the way up his leg. For the first time, he became aware that he was stretched up on his tiptoes, and that his whole legs were trembling. He lowered himself to the flats of his feet; Chad followed him down partway, his lips pressing, clinging to Uryuu's before he finally pulled away.

Uryuu had to steady himself with a hand on the windowsill.

Chad looked at him, half of his face aglow in the warm light, his lips curved in a smile. A feeling of unreality washed over Uryuu; had he really just kissed Chad? Kissed? Chad? His lips still tingled from it, and his chin itched where stubble had rubbed, and adrenaline ran wild throughout his body, making his fingers tremble and his stomach twist and turn. He watched Chad touch his own lips, and he almost laughed. In relief, in sheer pleasure that it was possible for him to stand here in the sunlight and kiss Chad, who had weighed so heavily on his mind for so long.

"I missed you," Chad said, still smiling. Chad touched Uryuu's hand where it lay on the windowsill, ran a finger over Uryuu's knuckles, and Uryuu lifted his hand to let Chad grasp it.

"I thought we were getting somewhere," Chad said. He tilted his head a few degrees to one side, looking Uryuu in the eye.

Uryuu sighed. "I know. We were. I just... " He squeezed Chad's hand. "I... misunderstood something."

And that was the broadest of generalizations, and probably really explained nothing, but Chad nodded. "Do you understand now?"

Uryuu drew in a breath, let it out quickly. "I do."

It was Chad's turn to touch his face, cupping it in his big, careful hands as he pressed their lips together. Soft and brief, one kiss and then another and then he was pulling back, and Uryuu's face was burning hot when Chad's hands trailed away.

Uryuu swallowed hard and steadied himself once more against the windowsill. Chad watched him, and all he could do was watch back for the moment, stunned by the change the last few minutes had made. Chad smiled and raised a hand to stroke through Uryuu's hair, and Uryuu felt the shame of the bad decision he'd made that day in the park burn through him.

Chad dropped his hands to Uryuu's shoulders, and then sighed. Uryuu blinked in surprise, startled out of his descent into brooding; he didn't think he'd ever heard that sound from Chad. Frowning in concern, he asked, "What's wrong?"

Chad shook his head, then squeezed Uryuu's shoulders gently. "I... I have work today."

Uryuu actually had to fight to keep his shoulders from drooping under Chad's hands. Are you okay to work? he considered asking, but his experience with Orihime's healing answered that question for him. Physically, Chad certainly felt better than any of them, even the ache in his muscles melted away. And emotionally, well... Chad was the resilient sort, and he'd seemed his usual self this morning.

Still, Uryuu peered up at him.

"I'm saving up for tuition," Chad said, and Uryuu nodded with understanding. As inconvenient as the the timing was, he was incapable of suggesting that Chad should shirk his obligations. Besides, Uryuu thought, some privacy to shower, and to process this new development, wouldn't go amiss.

Chad moved closer, resting his hand at the small of Uryuu's back. "You can come back tonight," he said, and the quiet hope in his voice made Uryuu feel warm all over.

"I will," he said. "I'll be here." Then he turned his face up, and Chad kissed him, still shy and hesitant.

Reluctantly, Uryuu drew away after a few seconds. He had to fight the sudden, shocking urge to ask Chad to call in sick. Just this once.

The impulse was easily ignored, though he caught the considering look in Chad's eye, and he wondered if Chad might be thinking of doing that very thing.

To remove the temptation for both of them, Uryuu took a step back, squeezing Chad's forearm as he pulled away.

"What time?" he asked, tugging at the front of his uniform to straighten it.

"Nine."

Uryuu cleared his throat and nodded. "I'll see you then."

When he walked out of Chad's apartment, he found himself remembering the last time he'd walked out that same door; it had been nearly half a year ago, that day he'd come to Chad's apartment to measure him for the suit he'd wear to his friend's wedding. He was even more distracted today than he had been then, nearly walking against a crosswalk sign twice in his bemused state. This time he didn't notice the looks he got for his fancy, dirt-smeared white uniform, he was too busy remembering the touch of Chad's lips to his own.


There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me

TBC...

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A/N: Finally! :) One chapter to go, and that'll be the end! Thanks again for the ratings and reviews - any kind of feedback is always welcome, even if it's just a word or two :) I love to hear what people think about my fics :D

*Lyrics - Snow Patrol - Signal Fire