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Hanging out on the roof
folder
Bleach › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
5,465
Reviews:
20
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Bleach › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
5,465
Reviews:
20
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Bleach, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Hanging out on the roof
Hanging out on the roof
A short stupid Bleach fic by Doctormoo117
Warning: Bad taste and bad spelling
There Ichigo and Ishida were, having lunch ontop of the school building. Usually, both of them liked having their lunches alone, but in an honest case, this was not about lunches... It was an invitation of competition... a competetion of pure pride and manhood... what could this possibly be?
"Ichigo, why did you call me up here? There are places I'd perfer to be... places away from YOU" Said Ishida, cuasing Ichigo to grunt his teeth from Ishida's arrogant comment.
"Same here, Ishida, same here... but I want to challenge you AGAIN..." Said Ichigio. Ishida straightened out his glasses.
"Are you speaking of a contest of seeing who can hunt down the most hollows? You know what happened last time you idiot... are you actually purposing we do it aga-"
"SHUT UP! That's little kid shit... I'm talking about a competition to shut you up once and for all... one of us will walk away from it the supeiror man and the other will walk away with his pride torn apart." Said Ichigo. Ishida grew a bit curious, what exactly was Ichigo getting at? Knowing Ichigo, it was a good old fashion brawl... though Ishida was in no mood to accept an invitation for a fight.
"I'm talking about how REAL MEN settle things... we're going to..." Ichigo reached into his pocket and Ishida's eyes widened a bit... this was it, HE WAS ABOUT TO PULL OUT SOMETHING!
"MEASURE OUR COCKS!" Said Ichigo, as he pulled out a ruler. An anime sweat drop crawled down the back of Ishida's head and one of the lenses on his glasses cracked. Ishida lowered his head and clenched his fist with one of his eyebrows twitching.
What the fuck was Ichigo thinking?
"Ichigo...THE ANSWER IS NO! I REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING SO RETARDED AND PERVERTED! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" exclaimed Ishida. Ishida's eyes then widened as Ichigo dropped his own pants, but remained with his undies on.
"Whip it out, QUINCY BOY!" Said Ichigo, then smirking. Ishida's brow continued to twitch, He already had a mental image of what Ichigo's penis was going to look like.
"... I'm leaving, I am not going to take part in this!" Said Ishida, replacing his glasses with an extra pair in his pocket and starting to walk away. Ichigo then smirtked slyly.
"You're just scared becuase you know the Quincy clan went extinct due to their tiny ding dongs! I bet that's what the only woman your grampa could ever pleassure happened to be an ANT!" Ichigo said, insulting all of Ishida's clan.
Ishida stopped in his tracks as a gleam of light crossed his glasses. He turned around, walked toward Ichigo, and stared him in the eye.
"Let's do this, BITCH!" He said, with a dark angry tone of voice. Ichigo grinned, this was it! WHO WOULD WIN!?!?!
"I'll show you my REAL soul slayer, Asswipe!" Said Ichigo, pulling out his penis. Ishida pulled out his own to counter Ichigo's show-offy asault of manhood. It was like a show down at high noon in the old west between two cowboys and their guns, but in this case, the guns were hairy and could make grown men cry. Ichigo threw the ruler at Ishida and had him measure his first. Ishida put the ruler near his penis and matched them up diligently. His penis had already been fully erected thanks to the thought of Ichigo's as... er... Orihime's breasts.
"seven...no...EIGHT inches... I can already see mine is superior to yours... give up before you embarass yourself, Ichigo..." Said Ishida. Ichigo grunted his teeth once again.
"Gimme that!" he said, snatching the ruler from Ishida's hand. He then proceeded to measure his own. There was tension in the air, deep inside, Ichigo was not sure if his penis was good enough to defeat the size of Ishida's. He tried to aline the ruler with his phallus, a bit of sweat dripped from the side of his cheek. Was his penis good enough to counter Ishida's? Ichigo then smiled and he looked back toward Ishida.
"Well, you loose..." Said Ichigo. Ishida came to a complete silence and stared at Ichigo's penis. Had he himself... a proud Quincy... been beaten by some one so insegnificant and weak as Ichigo?
"I AM... 10 INCHES!" Ichigo announced loudly and proudly. Ishida grew aggitated.
"MEASURING YOUR BALLS WITH IT DOES NOT COUNT!" Said Ishida.
"You're just jealous becuase I just bitchslapped you with my penis! You loose, I win, ACCEPT IT!" Said Ichigo. Ishida then grabbed the ruler, and tried to grab Ichigo's penis.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!??!" Ichigo said, pushing back Ishida with his foot and blocking his hands with his own.
"It's obvious you didn't do it right! I'm going to measure it for you and show you how small and worthless you really are!" Said Ishida.
"BITE ME!!!" Said Ichigo, still pushing back Ishida.
"I MIGHT WHEN WE'RE FINISHED!" Said Ishida. Just then, a big shadow appeared that covered both Ichigo and Ishida.
"Hey..." Said this voice. Ichigo and Ishida looked up at this giant statue like figure... It was Chad!
Ichigo and Ishida instantly got off each other and stood aside, tucking their penises back into their underpants, a bit embarrassed about what they were doing.
"What were you guys up to?" Asked Chad, not sure of why they were flashing their privates to each other.
"None of your buisness Chad, now please leave! This is between me and Ichigo!" Said Ishida. Chad raised a brow.
"Is this something gay? Cuase if it is, I'll leave you alone so you can continue..." Said Chad. Ishida and Ichigo felt like vomiting to what Chad just said.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A YAOI FANFICTION WRITTEN BY SOME FANGIRL HYPED ON CAFFEINE?" Yelled Ishida.
"THIS IS A BATTLE OF REAL MEN! WE'RE COMPARING THE SIZE OF OUR SLONGS!" Said Ichigo. Chad stood there, silent.
"..."
"So if you don't mind, we're still settling it! Now go away!" Said Ichigo.
"Can I join in?" Asked Chad. Ichigo and Ishida stared blankly at him for a few seconds. The wind blew by and a tumbleweed rolled by after a few seconds with out responce.
"Well?" Asked Chad.
"Fine, it'll just double my victory! Go ahead, I dare you to pull yours out!" Said Ichigo. Chad nodded and Ishida gulped, he did not feel right with what was about to happen.There was already a giant bulge in Chad's pants that made Ishida feel uncomfortable.
"This is a gift from my Abuelo..." Said Chad. He then then pulled down his pants with his undies, and out sprung a penis that cuase Ishida and Ichigo to drop their mouths at the same time.
"HOLY SHIT, A SNAKE! AND IT'S WAVING AT ME!!" Said Ichigo.
"Don't be stupid, That's his penis! How big IS that thing?" Asked Ishida. Chad grabbed the ruler from Ishida's hand and proceeded to measure. Ichigo could not help but stare... in his mind the damn thing kept saying "HELLO!!!!" and those words kept echoing in Ichigo's mind, he could not admit to himself that Chad was the victor here.
"a foot... Sorry, but I think I won..." said Chad. Ichigo and Ishida's penises instantly shunk in shame from the pain of defeat. Just then, some one else came onto the roof... It was Orihime!
"Oh crap, It's Orihime! Chad, quick, put that thing back before she see's it!" Said Ichigo.
"I can't, once it's out, It does not like to be back in... It needs to have atleast five minutes of fresh air..." Said Chad. Orihime looked to Chad, Ichigo, and Ishida and waved to them, happily walking up to them.
"Hello Ichigo, Chad, and Ishida! I was looking for all of you all day!" Said Orihime. She then noticed Chad's giant of a penis. She also relized Ichigo and Ishida's penises were out too, even though they were not fully erected like Chad's. Orihime stood there, confused.
"Um... guys... what are you doing?" Asked the busty teenager. Ishida sighed and explained.
"We were having a contest to see who's penis was the biggest... and Chad won..." Said Ishida.
"Hell no, I won! Chad's may be longer, but I have more girth! Look at it!" Said Ichigo. Ishida became annoyed.
"YOU LOST! ACCEPT IT WITH DIGNITY AND PRIDE!" Said Ishida.
"Okay fine, BUT ATLEAST I'D STILL BIGGER THAN YOU!" Said Ichigo.
"You went overboard by measuring your balls too, YOU MORON!" Said Ishida.
"BURN IN HELL!" Said Ichigo. The two started fighting again, trying to grab each others penises and measure them correctly this time.
"Can I join?" Asked Orihime. Chad raised a brow.
"SURE, WHAT EVER!" Said Ichigo with out thinking. Orihime chuckled and lifted her skirt... under it, was a penis that even made Chad's eyes widen with surprise and shame. Ichigo and Ishida stopped fighting when they saw Orihime's sprakling and shining penis... It was 15 inches long, and packed a hell more girth than all of their penises combined. Ishida's glasses fell on the floor as he remained still as a statue out of shock. Could something so monsteriously huge possibly exist?
"Well I gotta get going, See you all tomorrow!" Said Orihime, putting the skirt back over her freakishly large penis. She went back down into the school, leaving the three boys in shock.
For the rest of the day, Ichigo, Chad, and Ishida sat ontop of the roof, ashamed that in a true contest of men, they had been bested by a woman. It could not get more embarassing than this. A thought then crossed Ichigo's head.
"Wait one minute... WHY THE HELL DOES ORIHIME HAVE A PENIS TO BEGIN WITH?!?!?!" Yelled Ichigo. after a few more seconds of awkward silence, all three of them went pale and looked very sick, relising the outrageous truth about Orihime. Never again were their lives the same after that...
THE END
A short stupid Bleach fic by Doctormoo117
Warning: Bad taste and bad spelling
There Ichigo and Ishida were, having lunch ontop of the school building. Usually, both of them liked having their lunches alone, but in an honest case, this was not about lunches... It was an invitation of competition... a competetion of pure pride and manhood... what could this possibly be?
"Ichigo, why did you call me up here? There are places I'd perfer to be... places away from YOU" Said Ishida, cuasing Ichigo to grunt his teeth from Ishida's arrogant comment.
"Same here, Ishida, same here... but I want to challenge you AGAIN..." Said Ichigio. Ishida straightened out his glasses.
"Are you speaking of a contest of seeing who can hunt down the most hollows? You know what happened last time you idiot... are you actually purposing we do it aga-"
"SHUT UP! That's little kid shit... I'm talking about a competition to shut you up once and for all... one of us will walk away from it the supeiror man and the other will walk away with his pride torn apart." Said Ichigo. Ishida grew a bit curious, what exactly was Ichigo getting at? Knowing Ichigo, it was a good old fashion brawl... though Ishida was in no mood to accept an invitation for a fight.
"I'm talking about how REAL MEN settle things... we're going to..." Ichigo reached into his pocket and Ishida's eyes widened a bit... this was it, HE WAS ABOUT TO PULL OUT SOMETHING!
"MEASURE OUR COCKS!" Said Ichigo, as he pulled out a ruler. An anime sweat drop crawled down the back of Ishida's head and one of the lenses on his glasses cracked. Ishida lowered his head and clenched his fist with one of his eyebrows twitching.
What the fuck was Ichigo thinking?
"Ichigo...THE ANSWER IS NO! I REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING SO RETARDED AND PERVERTED! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" exclaimed Ishida. Ishida's eyes then widened as Ichigo dropped his own pants, but remained with his undies on.
"Whip it out, QUINCY BOY!" Said Ichigo, then smirking. Ishida's brow continued to twitch, He already had a mental image of what Ichigo's penis was going to look like.
"... I'm leaving, I am not going to take part in this!" Said Ishida, replacing his glasses with an extra pair in his pocket and starting to walk away. Ichigo then smirtked slyly.
"You're just scared becuase you know the Quincy clan went extinct due to their tiny ding dongs! I bet that's what the only woman your grampa could ever pleassure happened to be an ANT!" Ichigo said, insulting all of Ishida's clan.
Ishida stopped in his tracks as a gleam of light crossed his glasses. He turned around, walked toward Ichigo, and stared him in the eye.
"Let's do this, BITCH!" He said, with a dark angry tone of voice. Ichigo grinned, this was it! WHO WOULD WIN!?!?!
"I'll show you my REAL soul slayer, Asswipe!" Said Ichigo, pulling out his penis. Ishida pulled out his own to counter Ichigo's show-offy asault of manhood. It was like a show down at high noon in the old west between two cowboys and their guns, but in this case, the guns were hairy and could make grown men cry. Ichigo threw the ruler at Ishida and had him measure his first. Ishida put the ruler near his penis and matched them up diligently. His penis had already been fully erected thanks to the thought of Ichigo's as... er... Orihime's breasts.
"seven...no...EIGHT inches... I can already see mine is superior to yours... give up before you embarass yourself, Ichigo..." Said Ishida. Ichigo grunted his teeth once again.
"Gimme that!" he said, snatching the ruler from Ishida's hand. He then proceeded to measure his own. There was tension in the air, deep inside, Ichigo was not sure if his penis was good enough to defeat the size of Ishida's. He tried to aline the ruler with his phallus, a bit of sweat dripped from the side of his cheek. Was his penis good enough to counter Ishida's? Ichigo then smiled and he looked back toward Ishida.
"Well, you loose..." Said Ichigo. Ishida came to a complete silence and stared at Ichigo's penis. Had he himself... a proud Quincy... been beaten by some one so insegnificant and weak as Ichigo?
"I AM... 10 INCHES!" Ichigo announced loudly and proudly. Ishida grew aggitated.
"MEASURING YOUR BALLS WITH IT DOES NOT COUNT!" Said Ishida.
"You're just jealous becuase I just bitchslapped you with my penis! You loose, I win, ACCEPT IT!" Said Ichigo. Ishida then grabbed the ruler, and tried to grab Ichigo's penis.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!??!" Ichigo said, pushing back Ishida with his foot and blocking his hands with his own.
"It's obvious you didn't do it right! I'm going to measure it for you and show you how small and worthless you really are!" Said Ishida.
"BITE ME!!!" Said Ichigo, still pushing back Ishida.
"I MIGHT WHEN WE'RE FINISHED!" Said Ishida. Just then, a big shadow appeared that covered both Ichigo and Ishida.
"Hey..." Said this voice. Ichigo and Ishida looked up at this giant statue like figure... It was Chad!
Ichigo and Ishida instantly got off each other and stood aside, tucking their penises back into their underpants, a bit embarrassed about what they were doing.
"What were you guys up to?" Asked Chad, not sure of why they were flashing their privates to each other.
"None of your buisness Chad, now please leave! This is between me and Ichigo!" Said Ishida. Chad raised a brow.
"Is this something gay? Cuase if it is, I'll leave you alone so you can continue..." Said Chad. Ishida and Ichigo felt like vomiting to what Chad just said.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A YAOI FANFICTION WRITTEN BY SOME FANGIRL HYPED ON CAFFEINE?" Yelled Ishida.
"THIS IS A BATTLE OF REAL MEN! WE'RE COMPARING THE SIZE OF OUR SLONGS!" Said Ichigo. Chad stood there, silent.
"..."
"So if you don't mind, we're still settling it! Now go away!" Said Ichigo.
"Can I join in?" Asked Chad. Ichigo and Ishida stared blankly at him for a few seconds. The wind blew by and a tumbleweed rolled by after a few seconds with out responce.
"Well?" Asked Chad.
"Fine, it'll just double my victory! Go ahead, I dare you to pull yours out!" Said Ichigo. Chad nodded and Ishida gulped, he did not feel right with what was about to happen.There was already a giant bulge in Chad's pants that made Ishida feel uncomfortable.
"This is a gift from my Abuelo..." Said Chad. He then then pulled down his pants with his undies, and out sprung a penis that cuase Ishida and Ichigo to drop their mouths at the same time.
"HOLY SHIT, A SNAKE! AND IT'S WAVING AT ME!!" Said Ichigo.
"Don't be stupid, That's his penis! How big IS that thing?" Asked Ishida. Chad grabbed the ruler from Ishida's hand and proceeded to measure. Ichigo could not help but stare... in his mind the damn thing kept saying "HELLO!!!!" and those words kept echoing in Ichigo's mind, he could not admit to himself that Chad was the victor here.
"a foot... Sorry, but I think I won..." said Chad. Ichigo and Ishida's penises instantly shunk in shame from the pain of defeat. Just then, some one else came onto the roof... It was Orihime!
"Oh crap, It's Orihime! Chad, quick, put that thing back before she see's it!" Said Ichigo.
"I can't, once it's out, It does not like to be back in... It needs to have atleast five minutes of fresh air..." Said Chad. Orihime looked to Chad, Ichigo, and Ishida and waved to them, happily walking up to them.
"Hello Ichigo, Chad, and Ishida! I was looking for all of you all day!" Said Orihime. She then noticed Chad's giant of a penis. She also relized Ichigo and Ishida's penises were out too, even though they were not fully erected like Chad's. Orihime stood there, confused.
"Um... guys... what are you doing?" Asked the busty teenager. Ishida sighed and explained.
"We were having a contest to see who's penis was the biggest... and Chad won..." Said Ishida.
"Hell no, I won! Chad's may be longer, but I have more girth! Look at it!" Said Ichigo. Ishida became annoyed.
"YOU LOST! ACCEPT IT WITH DIGNITY AND PRIDE!" Said Ishida.
"Okay fine, BUT ATLEAST I'D STILL BIGGER THAN YOU!" Said Ichigo.
"You went overboard by measuring your balls too, YOU MORON!" Said Ishida.
"BURN IN HELL!" Said Ichigo. The two started fighting again, trying to grab each others penises and measure them correctly this time.
"Can I join?" Asked Orihime. Chad raised a brow.
"SURE, WHAT EVER!" Said Ichigo with out thinking. Orihime chuckled and lifted her skirt... under it, was a penis that even made Chad's eyes widen with surprise and shame. Ichigo and Ishida stopped fighting when they saw Orihime's sprakling and shining penis... It was 15 inches long, and packed a hell more girth than all of their penises combined. Ishida's glasses fell on the floor as he remained still as a statue out of shock. Could something so monsteriously huge possibly exist?
"Well I gotta get going, See you all tomorrow!" Said Orihime, putting the skirt back over her freakishly large penis. She went back down into the school, leaving the three boys in shock.
For the rest of the day, Ichigo, Chad, and Ishida sat ontop of the roof, ashamed that in a true contest of men, they had been bested by a woman. It could not get more embarassing than this. A thought then crossed Ichigo's head.
"Wait one minute... WHY THE HELL DOES ORIHIME HAVE A PENIS TO BEGIN WITH?!?!?!" Yelled Ichigo. after a few more seconds of awkward silence, all three of them went pale and looked very sick, relising the outrageous truth about Orihime. Never again were their lives the same after that...
THE END