A Better Idea

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well... First time posting anything for the Bleach category here. The main reason for posting it in the first place is that my LiveJournal can't support the size of it. This is a birthday gift for my dear friend Qualapec~the~She~Wolf, but I do hope everyone else enjoys this as well. Urahara and Yoruichi don't get enough attention, in my opinion.
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Kisuke pushed his hat back off his forehead with a pleasantly surprised smile on his lips as he leaned casually against the doorway to his bedroom. Stretched across his bed, neatly snuggled under the blankets, was a cat. Only, the cat had quite a bit of darkly tanned skin that caught in the light of the single lamp in smooth patches where the blankets didn't cover her. A very nice stretch of thigh, the dipping between shoulder blades and one arm that happened to be slung across his pillow were visible, to be exact. Dark hair took on tones of near black and lighter plum, worn loose for a change, and hid her face from him. It was hard to tell from where he was if she was asleep or awake.

Well, there was one way to fix that. His lips twitched with amusement as he slid the door closed quietly, dropping the lock in place just to ensure there wasn't a repeat of the incident nearly ten years ago. Poor Jinta... It did teach the boy to knock before entering private rooms, though. Maybe a little scarring wasn't bad if it enforced good manners.

He was quiet but quick about changing for bed, setting Benihime to lean against the wall nearest to him for easy reach. The one time he'd placed the proud zanpaku-to on the floor, his princess had been beyond livid and refused to talk to him for a whole month. Much placating and flattery had been required to appease her. He tugged just enough of the blankets free to cover him up, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She wasn't wearing the perfume he'd given her tonight, which was a shame. Jasmine never smelled better than when it was on her skin.

Yoruichi stirred when he pressed up close to her, sucking in a sharp, sleepy breath as she blinked through the tossled strands of her hair at him. "What time is it?" she groaned, her voice so thick with sleep that it almost sounded like her cat voice. She curled into him automatically when he dropped his arm around her waist, settling her thigh between his own and rubbing her cheek against the cotton covering his shoulder with a pleased little sound.

"It's a little after midnight," he answered, trailing his hand up and down her bare back. Petting her was a wonderful activity, whether it was fur under his fingers or skin. It was especially soothing after the type of day he had. Ever since that afternoon when she'd dropped her bombshell for news, it was like his mind had exploded into a million fractal pieces everywhere.

The hogyoku had its first theft attempt in its entire history of existing. He'd expected someone would find all his research notes someday, and that someone would eventually make an attempt. That they got close enough to create an uproar meant they were very clever and very skilled. Probably a captain, but he couldn't even begin to guess who at this stage in the game. The newer captains were completely unfamiliar to him, despite the detailed reports Yoruichi brought back from Shiba Kukaku concerning them.

Speaking of the ex-commander... She was doing a very interesting thing with her mouth on his neck that was distracting him from his thoughts. Very interesting indeed, really. He smiled and circled his arm around her tighter as her tongue licked slowly just under his jaw and further back to his earlobe. Her teeth nipped sharp enough to make him catch his breath, his hand on her back starting a slow, thorough exploration of her spine and further down to cup her rear.

Kisuke nuzzled her hair away from her neck, his lips just barely touching against her skin in response. He really was too tired for this, but she had years of experience in getting his attention quickly. With just a few touches in the right places, she could probably talk him into shaving his head bald. Yoruichi was one of the most... persuasive people he'd ever met. True to her abilities, any thoughts of sleep disappeared when she began sliding her thigh against his groin, causing his hips to respond in slow thrusts as she worked him hard without using her hands or mouth. She was so good!

He wasn't fooled a bit by her suddenly lusty mood. Not that Yoruichi wasn't a handful in bed naturally, one that he was more than willing to take on, but he knew her almost better than he knew himself. Everything about her was very deliberate, calculated to produce the most pleasure in the least amount of time. That wasn't impatience speaking, more like ulterior motive. Her touches and kisses had a different flavor tonight, one that was just a tad too eager to please him.

She was usually more coy and teasing than this when it came to foreplay. Now, she was going right for what she knew usually blew his circuits instantly. Anywhere on his neck with her mouth, her nails digging into his shoulders, sharp nips of teeth along his jaw, that massaging thing she did at the base of his spine. She was trying to distract him, and if it weren't for the fact that he knew why he would have just let her.

Why was she doing this? Obviously because she had every intention of going for the Orb tonight.

Kisuke wasn't entirely sure how he felt about allowing this. On the one hand, it was completely risk free for himself. Yoruichi knew her way through the Soul Society better than he did. She could probably figure out all the various traps and protections surrounding the hogyoku on her own, seeing as she was blessedly intelligent. Plus, it was obvious she wanted to do it so that he wouldn't get caught and possibly executed. It was the perfect set up, and he didn't have to do a thing to contrive it.

Then again... it was Yoruichi. She was in that select group of people he refused to maneuver, one of those that he considered family. Knowingly allowing family to walk into such a dangerous situation just smacked of wrong. Just getting past all the obstacles protecting the hogyoku was going to challenge her, regardless of the fact that she used to head the Special Forces. He knew for a fact that she wouldn't get through them completely unscathed. He'd planned it that way on purpose.

Some of the kido set around the Orb were twisted in such a way that only he could remove them safely. How could he knowingly let her walk into something like that? That was a rhetorical question, of course. Naturally, he couldn't let her have all the fun of breaking and entering in his former lab. Plus, think of all the cat burglar jokes he would be obliged to make later on. It would be too easy to tease her, and he didn't like things being easy with her. That was a major part of his intrigue with the noble woman, the fact that she simply refused to make loving her a simple matter.

Of course, he'd realized this earlier in the day when he'd caught her poking through his store room. She'd played innocent well enough, but he wasn't stupid and he knew is inventory inside and out. A quick check after lunch when she was napping showed he was missing a few tools that might come in handy when breaking into a secure zone. He'd quickly put it together and spent the rest of the day trying to decide whether or not to beat her to it. Now that he was with her and she was working her magic on his body, he couldn't believe he'd ever considered letting her go to begin with.

So, the newly modified plan was this: Have some wonderful sex with Yoruichi, pretend the need to check on something in the shop, then sneak into the shed out back and use the doorway into Rukongai there. He'd be gone before she could even think to check for him. Yes... he liked that plan. Especially step one, which was becoming more and more difficult to think around. Kisuke hissed quietly, careful to keep his voice down due to sleeping occupants in the house, when her hand slipped beneath his shirt and she flicked her nails across his nipples harshly. It edged a little too sharp for it to be completely pleasurable, but it let him know he was being neglectful of her. That simply wouldn't do.

He smiled apologetically at the annoyed expression she gave him and shrugged. "Sorry. My mind's wandered off a bit," he replied as casually as possible, shifting just a little closer to her to let her know it wouldn't happen again.

Yoruichi's lips instantly curved into one of her more seductive smiles, a smile that made him feel like habenero peppers had been squeezed into his blood stream. It did things to him that not even a harem of beautiful women could do with all their skills. She kissed him quickly on the lips, rubbing her palms across the flesh she'd just recently abused on his chest, before leaning back to say, "Your mind can go wherever the hell it wants, just so long as it leaves your body and enough conscious thought to be useful for me."

"What, you won't do an unconscious guy with a hard on? How cruel!" He somehow managed to keep the groan soft when her thigh rubbed more firmly against him, sending tingles up and down his spine. His own fingers pressed into the curves of her bottom, squeezing firmly in response.

"You know, I can always just take care of myself," she retorted, rolling away from him and onto her side as she pulled her hands out from under his shirt. Kisuke, settled himself on his pillow, smirking as he watched her hand slide across her stomach, nails teasing down her thigh and edging further inward. If she thought he was going to stop her, she was very mistaken. Watching her pleasure herself was extremely erotic and something he very rarely got to indulge in. It only reconfirmed the fact that she was purposely seducing him to keep him from leaving, but he wasn't going to announce that now. Not when she was feeling frisky.

Yoruichi held his gaze as her fingers toyed across her nipples lightly, one hand sliding down her stomach to her arching hips. The movement of her hand against her flat stomach caused him to break their gaze and watch her hand, a thrill running through his body when two fingers slid downward along her slit. It made him reconsider his earlier thoughts of indirect involvement, especially if this was what she'd do to keep him from taking the risk. She rubbed her fingers along her clitoris slowly, her hips rolling into her fingers eagerly.

As she began to gasp lightly, making little noises that were just too delicious to hear, he decided it was time to prove to her that this was definitely a two person sport. Kisuke lightly brushed his fingers along her collar bone, his lips moving against her jaw as she moaned low in her throat, the bed shifting with her subtle movements. His fingers trailed lower between her breasts as their lips met, their tongues brushing as soon as their lips parted. It was a perfectly synchonized thing, their kiss. It was something that had been practiced over the years so much that it was now just as natural as breathing.

She arched into him, her free hand wrapping around his wrist to tug his hand lower. His palm pressed against her stomach, loving the feel of her muscles rippling under his hand as the very tips of his fingers pressed into her ribs firmly. She continued to guide him further down her body until his fingers came into contact with her own, rubbing with the pressure he knew she loved and already slick. He moved his fingers lower, smiling against her mouth as she pushed against him insistantly. "That's awfully lonely, don't you think?" he teased, a full out grin spreading across his features as he slipped his fingers inside of her, working in time with her own rhythme.

As was typical with her, Yoruichi took the direct approach in responding. Kisuke gasped, eyes squeezing shut as he fought not to make anything louder than that when her free hand suddenly dove down the front of his pants to wrap around his erection. He leaned his forehead against hers, somehow managing to open his eyes as his entire body shuddered from the friction of her hand on him. Every other pull had a small twist to it before palming his head and sliding back downward again. In between strokes, her fingers would move lower to tease his balls before she'd flatten her palm and rub it along his length firmly.

His fingers began to move faster inside her, sweat slicking his skin so that the t-shirt clung to his back and shoulders. She was amazing the way she could divide her attention, her fingers working herself faster toward orgasm while the hand wrapped around him kept the pace steady and regular, preventing him from coming right then and there.

When she came, her body pitching off the bed to drive herself hard onto his fingers, he was kissing her, tongue stabbing into her mouth as she gave a strangled cry and her body shuddered in such a way that he would have come were it not for the pressure of her hand squeezing him suddenly. It was torturous having his release denied him while she continued to shudder with waves of pleasure, but it was a kind of torture he really didn't mind in the least.

Slowly, he drew back, panting just as she was, and smiled as she blinked orgasm-heavy eyes open. Her hair clung to her sweat dampened skin as she slowly pulled her hands away from both herself and him, letting out a long, controlled breath as she answered his smile with a completely blissed out little smirk. Kisuke used his free hand to pluck the clingy pieces of her hair from her face, knowing how much she hated having her hair stick to her.

He was still stroking her cheek and neck lightly when she arched a brow and she let her gaze travel over his still clothed body. "A little too formal, don't you think?" she quipped, shifting on the bed to give him room to move. Her fingers were tracing enticing little circles across her stomach and breasts, eyes glinting mischievously.

Kisuke grinned as he sat up and made short work of the clothing. Really, he didn't know why he bothered with pajamas when she was in his bed. It wasn't like they stayed on very long anyway. She rolled upward, looping her arms around his neck as her mouth moved against his fiercely. She pulled him down on top of her, her hand fitting between their bodies to start stroking him again.

He kept himself propped up on his forearms, hips circling into her hand and fingers curling into her hair tightly to angle her head back and expose her neck for his mouth. Yoruichi's thighs squeezed along side of his with a quick pressure before one of her legs circled his lower back and rear, the other stretching out beside his own in a blatant invitation to do her.

Well, who was he to refuse a lady?

It was just an easy rocking of hips together that suddenly made it very hard to think beyond move now, damn it. Her heel dug into his lower back, her other foot caressing down his leg and her fingers tangled into his hair as she moaned against his neck. He was completely wrapped up in her and it felt marvelous. Her body clung to his, tight enough that he had to really concentrate on not coming but not so much that moving would have to be done cautiously.

After a few seconds of her impatiently shifting underneath him, Kisuke finally felt like he had the control back that he needed when handling her in bed. In any other situation regarding Yoruichi, keeping his cool was never a problem. When it came to sex though... she was usually the one to blow his circuits first. Hey, she was an incredibly intriguing woman. He would dare any man not to lose control with her.

Normally, he preferred having her on top, and chances were more than likely that was where she would finish, but this was just as good for now. He could just make out, if he leaned his forehead against her shoulder, where they were joined, and was fascinated by the way they always seemed to meet half way. She would thrust up at the exact moment he would push down, two part working as on unit for one purpose. Almost like a machine...

He couldn't help cracking a smile at the idea of them being a 'sex machine'. Yoruichi would laugh about that one later, if he could remember it. Remembering things while she whispered his name in such a needing voice wasn't an easy thing. The likelihood of remembering was descreased further by the fact that it had been a little while since they'd last had sex, and therefore he ws beginning to lose himself to her more quickly that usual. If she were on top though, he would have been lost much sooner.

It wasn't that he didn't like being on top, just that there was something so incredibly... beautiful about watching her sway over him, letting her set the pace and ride him out. He was a bit of a voyeurist, he supposed, but he enjoyed watching her. It didn't matter much to her how it was done so long as they were both satisfied. Tonight, however, she was trying to "seduce" him, which meant a full out session with her riding him... he hoped. An happy little sigh came from him, muffled against her neck, as he shifted slightly so that he was now hitting that spot inside her that made her growl and had her digging her nails into his shoulder.

He kept the pace steady and rhythmic, even though it was near toturous to do so. He was just trying to draw the pleasurable feelings out a little longer, despite the fact that he didn't really have the proper amount of time to give them a proper session in the sheets. He really despised the fact that he couldn't bask in the experience because someone just had to go and make a grab for the hogyoku. If they knew what exactly they were interfering with... No matter, though. What was done was done, and when he came back from retrieving it he would have plenty of time to savor Yoruichi then.

It didn't surprise him at all when she pushed against his shoulders insistantly, rolling him onto his back without once letting him pull out of her completely. His brain was cheering enthusiastically over the change in position before it shut down completely under the way he sank into her further, the pressure around his erection just so... yummy! She'd kill him dead for using such a frou-frou word for their sex lives, but it was true. When his mouth was watering, it meant something was yummy. See? Logical thinking... or maybe it wasn't. It was hard to tell when he was looking up at her and she was looking down at him, and then he looked down at where she was sitting across him and... what was he thinking about again?

They both took a few seconds to adjust to the new position, her to having him hit exactly where she wanted and him to finding himself balls deep inside such an amazing woman. Kisuke smiled as he threaded his fingers through her hair, tugging her down for a kiss as she slowly lifted herself off him before pushing down hard. If he'd tried, or even if he'd wanted to, there was no way he could have held back the deep groan that moved from his mouth to hers as she began to slowly rock her hips against his. Her tongue stroked his in time to his body stroking hers, working in beautiful syncopation as they always did. This natural rhythme with her was something he knew he couldn't find with anyone else and that only endeared her more to him.

Yoruichi drew back from the kiss with a gasp and hiss of breath as her eyes closed, her back arching and forcing her breasts into his chest briefly before she sat up straight once again. Yes... just like that. One of his hands gripped her thigh hard while the other slipped between them to rub against her clitoris exactly as years of field research told him she liked. Her fingers pressed upward across his chest to his shoulders where they remained to balance her as she rode him, her lips parted to breathe as she leaned into his fingers more firmly. Her eyes opened and she smiled briefly as she met and held his gaze.

The look on her face made his next breath in choke to a hault in his throat. Physically and mentally, it was always amazing with her. The way he slid so easily inside her, the light scoring of her nails across his skin, the tight squeezing of her thighs around him as the pace increased. His entire back was arching into each thrust and it took him biting his lower lip hard to keep from making the noises he wanted to.

She was gasping, eyes blazing with lust even though they were a full three shades darker than usual, and her nails were turning his skin red as she leaned forward further onto his shoulders. The new angle made them both cry out before she was slamming herself on him as fast as she could and he was pushing himself up on one elbow to place hard, biting kisses to her neck while his own nails scratched lightly down her spine.

Her mouth found his shoulder, her tongue flicking out to lick a wet line to his pulse. Her tongue felt almost cool against his heated skin, an interesting thing really considering the mouth usually regulated itself at- oh... oh, yeah! He somehow managed to keep his shout quiet, remembering at the very last second as the sound began to pour from him that there were others who would be really grumpy about being woken up by their love making. He couldn't help it, though! It was a completely reflexive reaction to her doing that little circular thing with her hips again. It was the one she knew turned him into a mass of jelly in a very short amount of time.

Kisuke lost the rhythme they'd set, dropping back onto the bed and gripping the pillow under his head hard as he clenched his teeth firmly shut. The taste of her sweat still lingering on his tongue was a salty-sweet mixture that went well with the scent of sex filling the air. Her hands were planted on either side of his head, her expression one of fierce lust as their eyes locked and held. Any thoughts of allowing her to go for him were completely destroyed the minute her body clenched around his and his name was whispered harshly against his throat as she collapsed down onto him. His arms were instantly there, holding her as his neck strained with the effort not to scream.

There was nothing but her and him, and them together. Thoughts were irrelavent. Words weren't necessary. In the few seconds it actually took to reach orgasm, everything clicked and was perfect in the world. Solid form didn't exist, as if he'd melted away and was just sort of floating in the air. It was heavenly... but it wasn't permanent. Like any drug, the high eventually wore off, and his was doing so much sooner than he'd wanted. As the mind and body numbing bliss shot through him, blinding him to everything except how very good he felt all over, the thought somehow managed to punch through the pleasant haze; she was planning to risk her life for him once again.

Kisuke was gasping, shuddering as he blinked through sweaty pieces of hair and was surprised to see the ceiling of his room. He could have sworn the thing had been blown off... no, that was the orgasm talking. Slowly, he began to reaquaint himself with everything that was familiar and real again. The worn cotton sheets that were wet with sweat and bodily fluids, and were becoming a little uncomfortable. Yoruichi's weight on top of him, her breathing ragged and harsh souding but not at all uncomfortable. Her heart beating just as hard as his own. Her hair in his mouth. Yes... that wasn't so nice.

He plucked the offending strands away with a slightly irritated look before shoving the mass aside completely to stroke her back gently. Her cheek was still pressed to his shoulder, so she wasn't aware that he was frowning as he stared up at the ceiling. He was greatly disappointed that he could be so sober after a round of intense sex with Yoruichi, but he supposed it was only natural considering the circumstances.

He couldn't let her go for the hogyoku. Yoruichi had already done more than enough for him. She'd helped him escape, axted as his eyes and ears on occasion, arranged to have goods funnelled to his store, and all of it without his ever once asking her. She did it because she wanted to, and he would never be able to return half the favors he owed her.

Not that she would expect it or even ask for it, but he liked keeping things fair between them as much as possible. Kisuke held her as she let out a sigh of contenment, which came out almost like a purr as she ran her hands down his arms, pressing light kisses to his shoulder and neck. He idly trailed his fingers down her back, his entire being so overwhelmed with the languid peace that followed a really good bedroom session that he hardly noticed when her kisses moved up his neck and toward his ear.

"Hey," she said, her voice laced with mild irritation. "Stop thinking about it."

"Thinking about what?" he asked, his neck arching into a slightly awkward angle as he tried to glance down at where she was laying on his shoulder.

Yoruichi thankfully pushed herself up onto her forearms, pinning him with a firm glare. Her hair hung wildly around her face, a few dark plum strands decorating his chest like a tattoo. He grinned when she tapped the end of his nose with one finger, lips fighting her own grin in favor of a stern scowl. "The Orb. Stop it right now. You're not going to get it tonight, and that's final. So, stop thinking about it."

Kisuke's grin softened as he caught her hand and pinned it with his own to his chest. He wasn't going to do anything silly, like promise her he wouldn't. That would be lying, and that was one thing he never did. Oh, sure, edit the truth a little, not tell all that he knew... but he never flat-out lied, especially to her. So, if he couldn't agree to her terms... he'd distract her from them. "Can we cuddle?"

"What?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Are you trying to change the subject?"

"No, I'm trying to cuddle," he replied with a mock pout. "Isn't that what people normally do after sex?"

"When have we ever been normal people?"

"Mmm... good point. But I still wanna cuddle."

Grumbling about something involving 'idiots' and 'men'... or was it 'idiotic men'.... Yoruichi reluctantly settled herself agains this side, making very certain she caught his ribs a couple times with her elbows. Kisuke took the blows with only a mild grunt from the impact before pressing a kiss to her forehead when she was curled on her side against him. She sighed in pleasure, her body slowly relaxing against his as he continued to stroke her back and hair lightly, hoping to lull her to sleep. He, on the other hand, was more than likely going to stay awake and staring at the ceiling.

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Yoruichi waited, eyes closed and pretending sleep, until his breathing evened out and his heart beating under her ear slowed down to a steady pulse. She smiled to herself despite the fact that she was soon going to pull herself away from his warm body in order to prepare to leave. While he'd been busy running his shop, she'd been off gathering various items she might need to break into the sealed portion of Twelfth Division's laboratory. All of it was now stored into two small pouches that were buried in the clothes hamper near the door. She felt her lips twitch into a smirk, pleased that Kisuke more than likely had no idea what she was planning.

She waited a little longer, her eyes watching the electric glow of the alarm clock reading one-thirty in the morning, before she carefully extricated herself from his arms. He mumbled sleepily, shifting on the futon mattress as he reached for her. She tucked the pillow from her side of the bed into his arms instead, smiling as he let out a relieved sigh and stilled once again. She snuck silently across the floor, being mindful of the little spot near the bathroom door that creaked regularly, and dug through the dirty clothes in the hamper until she found what she was looking for.

Everything was black, right down to the underwear and bra. The First Division guards would be good enough to spot even the slightest trace of white should it show, and she was not going to be taken out because of a piece of lingerie! Tight black pants she knew would have Kisuke drooling if he were awake were tugged into place, followed by a tighter fitting black halter and a slightly looser black wrap jacket that she cinched to her waist securely. The two pouches had straps that tied around her thighs, allowing easy access to their contents should she need them. The last item would be to summon her zanpaku-to and tuck it into her belt.

She pulled her shoes out from under the bed where she'd hidden them earlier, her toes wriggling inside the softened suede that was designed to muffle footsteps. Digging a little further under the bed revealed the hardened leather half mask she'd worn during her days in the Special Forces and had been especially made to fit her face.

Yoruichi quickly pulled her hair back and secured the mask in place before doing a final check to insure she had everything. Satisfied, she glanced back once at the sleeping man in the bed, a little smile forming under the mask at the sight of him sprawled across the mattress with very little of the blanket actually covering him. The quick urge to just climb back into bed with him surfaced, only to be squashed harshly under her resolve.

She had to do this. She was the only one who really could. Kisuke was worth protecting in her eyes, and not just because they were sharing a bed. He'd been her friend, and therefore part of her "family", long before they'd started anything romantic. In fact, their relationship hadn't even really started until after they'd left the Soul Society. Her helping him was a sort of thanks for not treating her as a noble and seeing her as a person.

It was something she couldn't really begin to describe in words, the feeling that had overwhelmed her when they were little and he'd first entered her life. Of course, he'd done it in the most annoying way possible (pulling her hair) and she'd responded unfavorably (punching him in the nose), but after that she never once regretted ever making friends with Urahara Kisuke. And she certainly didn't regret ever jumping the man for the first time! The man had a natural talent for any and all things lascivious.

Yoruichi sighed softly, the air escaping from the narrow vents that were cut into the front of her half mask. She turned her back on the still sleeping man and unlocked the door, her hand preparing to slide it open quietly. She very nearly missed the softly muttered words under the low grind of the door on its tracks.
"Binding spell seventy-three..."

Her eyes widened and she had time for a startled sound before white straps snaked around her arms and upper chest quickly, snapping sharply into place before jerking under the control of the spell to send her sprawling hard to her side. She hissed as the movement jarred her shoulder, her heart hammering with adrenaline as a pale form wrapped in dark green sheets slid the door shut and locked it again. "You used a KIDO on me?" she exclaimed, her voice muffled by the mask.

Kisuke smiled as he looked down at her, leaning back against the door with one hand holding the sheets in place. The smile itself was teasing, but the moonlight showed his eyes clearly and there was nothing joking in the hard set to them. Yoruichi twisted slightly, trying to maneuver around to face him better. She instantly regretted it when the bindings wrapped tighter around her, pulling her elbows closer together behind her back.

"I wouldn't struggle, Yoruichi. That particular kido tightens the more you move," he commented softly, keeping his voice down to avoid waking anyone else up.

"I know that!" she snapped hotly. "I showed you how to work the damn thing!" Talk about adding insult to injury, using a spell she'd had to walk him through against her. When she finished breaking the kido, she was going to break his jaw with her fist!

He squatted in front of her, head cocked to the side as his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. She glared as he tapped his finger against the hard leather mask and fought the urge to jerk away from him. "A little early for costumes, don't you think?"

"A little cheap to slap a girl with a high level binding spell when her back is turned, don't you think?" she countered back angrily.

Kisuke chuckled, hooking his fingers neatly through a layer of the thick straps. He tugged as he stood, drawing her to her feet briefly before settling her carefully back on the bed. She continued to glare as he unstrapped the pouches from her thighs and began to poke through the curiously. "At least I waited until you were wearing clothing. Imagine how much more embarassing it would have been if Tessai had wandered in here tomorrow morning with you naked and tied up on my bed."

Yoruichi couldn't avoid the flush that came to her cheeks when he mentioned that scenario. She leaned away when he circled her neck with one arm, hissing as the straps tightened further in response to the sudden movement of her body. "Relax, Yoruichi. I'm just taking the mask off."

"Leave it on. When I break out of this thing, I'm leaving for the hogyoku," Yoruichi stated. She felt his fingers pull the ties and watched as the leather hit her lap, cool air washing across the lower half of her face in the process.

"What a marvelous coincidence! That's exactly what I'm about to do," Kisuke mocked, grinning wide and obviously very amused with the situation. "But, I really don't think this is a two person task, do you?"

"No, which is why I was going to go while you were asleep!"

"You thought I was asleep? Wow... I guess that yoga stuff really does pay off!"

Yoruichi rolled her eyes, scowling at the man. Her gaze narrowed as he stood up, humming under his breath, and began pulling clothing from the small chest of drawers. "What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously, following each black article of clothing as it hit the bed.

"Getting dressed. Unless you think it would help build the element of surprise if I went there naked?"

"Do what you want, Kisuke, just so long as it involves you staying here."

Kisuke paused in pulling out a black head wrap, his head tilted back as he tapped his chin in a faux thoughtful gesture. "Mmmm... Tempting, but no. You were right to pick tonight to do it, Yoruichi. No one would expect another attempt so soon. Of course, this could be problematic in that whoever tried to take the hogyoku to begin with is obviously rather clever. They've probably arrived to the same conclusion, which means it's a race to see who gets there first. So, if you'll excuse me, I really have to hurry."

Yoruichi growled under her breath as she watched him dress quickly, covering all his pale skin in black. His hands were covered in tight fitting gloves, his hair hidden under the head wrap and all but his nose and eyes shrouded in a leather mask that she'd personally commissioned for him, as a gift long ago. That he was now using her gift for a real scenario irritated her to the point that she was gritting her teeth to keep from screaming at him.

The last thing he added were her two small pouches of various items, strapping them in place on his arms since his thighs were bigger than hers. It was foolish of her to have turned her back on him for a single second. She knew him better than that! If Kisuke went to bed with something on his mind, he wouldn't sleep. Damn it, was she blind!

She turned her head when he bent to press a kiss to her lips. Undaunted, his lips touched her cheek lightly before he drew back and tied Benihime, now in sword form, to his belt. "Behave yourself, Yoruichi. And make certain to tell Tessai I twisted the kido so that he won't be able to do a thing until ten in the morning."

"You mean I'm going to be tied up until ten in the damn morning?!" she shouted.

Kisuke sat in the open window and pressed a finger against his mask. "Shhh, people are sleeping. You don't want them waking up, do you?"

Yoruichi was about to fire back something scathing when an idea suddenly came to mind. She met Kisuke's gaze with a pleased smirk, her glee intensifying when his eyes narrowed to thin slits. Taking as deep a breath as she could draw through the press of the bindings, she opened her mouth and screamed as loud as she could, "TESSAI!"

She couldn't attest to it over the sound of the big man thundering down the hall toward the room, but she could have almost swore she heard Kisuke cuss as he rolled himself quickly out the window. If he did, it was the first time she'd ever heard him say something foul, which almost made her laugh out loud. He hadn't anticipated her screaming, had he?

The door splintered inward as Tessai kicked it down, dark eyes roaming over the room to take in the situation as efficiently as possible. Her dressed in black and obviously ready to go on a secret mission. The straps tying her from shoulders to hips. The open window and the lack of boss. He didn't need her to tell him what to do. The big man was already diving head first out the window, intent on pursuing Kisuke in order to stop him.

Yoruichi sighed and shook her head, catching her lower lip between her teeth in a mild display of unease. The idiot... If he was caught, it was an automatic death sentence. Why couldn't he just let her do it? If this was a male pride thing she was going to kick his ass at least six different ways! "I just hope he makes it back so I can do that," she muttered to herself. Despite the fact that her heart was telling her to keep hoping Tessai had caught up with him, she knew in her gut that he wouldn't. Urahara Kisuke was very good a disappearing when he wanted to. By now, he was probably already crossing over into the Soul Society. Damn him... just... damn him!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normally, he would have preferred slipping into the Seireitei over the wall, but that would draw far too much attention. The underground sewers systems worked just as well, if not even better. Kisuke pushed the metal grating up carefully, sliding it across the smooth stones of the courtyard in the Twelfth Division compound. He hooked his fingers along the edge and pulled himself out, settling the cover in place again and ducking into the shadows just as a guard wandered by. He waited, barely daring to breathe as the man looked around in the shadows directly in front of him before heading diagonally across the courtyard to where his companion was smoking.

Kisuke crouched low to the ground, pressing himself closer to the Twelfth Division compound wall as he edged himself around the corner, keeping one eye at all times on the guard. Benihime remained silent, her power completely masked by his will, so as not to draw attention to them. He made it to one of the pillar supporting the two level building and paused there, peering around it to survey the courtyard a little better.

Inside, there were guards mulling around near where his laboratory had been, all of them wearing Second Division insignia on their uniforms. Second Division... tough crowd, but nothing he couldn't handle. Hopefully. He fixed his gloves once more, eyes narrowing as he watched a few members of Twelfth Division go strolling by. Waiting until the two separate guards started chatting, as he'd guessed they would, he leapt neatly into the cherry tree climbing near the pillar and shimmied his way onto the rooftop, moving swiftly and silently across the tiles until he was behind the guards and walking across the rooftop toward the building he wanted.

After Kisuke had been banished, Mayuri had moved the laboratory to another building in the compound. He knew it was due to the sensitivity of the seals the hogyoku was locked away with. It had been one of the last things he'd done before escaping, but he'd made certain that the entire room was nothing but a death trap for anyone who didn't know how to navigate it. Mayuri would have been a fool to remain there. Kisuke flattened himself across the tiles, his body going completely still and calm. It was a trick that had taken him almost fifty years to perfect, the utter stillness.

The driving force beyhind obtaining that knowledge was Yoruichi herself. She could pull that void of any type of movement out like it was nothing, and it was a really usefuly trick for situations like this. He remained on his stomach, watching the two guard patrols break off with easy laughs of comraderie. His fingers were cramping from where he gripped the tiles, but it was easy to push aside. He had to be ready to move at a moment's notice. Any second now. All he had to do was wait and...

There! He moved the instant the Second Division guards started walking off to allow their reliefs into place. Kisuke slithered forward and grabbed the edges of the roof tiles to roll himself downward just beside the door leading to the second floor laboratory. He crouched low, watching the new guards take their post not even ten feet away. They were completely oblivious, or at least they gave every indication of being so. He kept his back pressed to the wall near the door, the rough rock surface clinging a little to the fibers of his shirt as he slowly reached his hand across to the sliding pull. If anyone was inside the room, they would be expecting someone to walk right in. By putting himself at a lower angle, he was gaining the element of surprise.

Kisuke slid the panelled door open and waited, counting the seconds through the pulse of his heart. Nothing. He waited a few seconds longer, the adrenaline crashing through his system as he slowly edged his way into the semi-lit room. Pausing just inside the door, Kisuke scanned the room carefully, eyes narrowed and suspicious as he checked to see if anything had been moved. All of the work tops were now empty, none of the notes or equipment there. Mayuri had done a thorough job of stripping everything he could from there, he thought wryly. In a way, it kind of hurt to see the room he'd put so much of his heart and soul into gutted and raped for whatever it could offer. But... that was the way of it, and he could do nothing to change that.

The light was coming from further in, behind an oddly twisting assortment of wires and large tubes that looked like someone had reached into the wall and ripped them out. That was where the hogyoku was, in the back room area. Slowly creeping across the floor, he used the counters as shelter against anything that could come randomly flying at him. Just because he couldn't see them didn't mean there weren't guards positioned in the room. He'd lived and trained with Yoruichi long enough to know that the phrase "be prepared" was especially apt when dealing with anyone from First or Second Division.

Sweat trickled down the back of his neck as he stuck to the shadows, and his breath wasn't getting through the slits in the mask well enough, thus making it incredibly muggy and uncomfortable along his jaw and cheeks. Finally, he came to the room that housed the Orb of Distortion and couldn't help gaping in horrified amazement inside. The entire room boasted a newly blackened look, as if a fire had ravaged it to ruin for the first twelve feet of the room.

Someone had managed to get through all but one of the seven protection layers he'd placed around it, obviously having stopped when they'd reached the sixth layer when they realized what it did. The sixth protection layer was designed to unlock only to his zanpaku-to's energy. No other one would work, and if it was tried three times consecutively without the correct zanpaku-to then the shield would act as a vaccuum of sorts and begin to drain the offending zanpaku-to of its energy. That energy would then be used to strengthen the shield even further and leave the zanpaku-to just a useless piece of metal.

The rest of the laboratory was just as pristine as when he'd left it, cast in the faintly luminescent glow of the hogyoku. Kisuke stepped forward, more certain now that he was on familiar ground. The next two seals were going to be extremely difficult to break, even though he knew how, and the last... well, he'd worry about that when he got there. Kisuke drew Benihime from her sheath and whispered, "Awaken."

Instantly, the zanpaku-to's power flowed into the blade, sending a zing down his spine that was similar to an electrical current; slightly painful, but ticklish at the same time. He could feel his princess' presence in the room, holding back and awaiting what he wanted her to do. He could almost see the curve of blood red lips, as if she were before him in true physical form.

"We are here to reclaim what is rightfully yours, correct?" the beautiful woman asked, her voice low and fluid, a rich sound that reminded him of melted chocolate. It was strange how that voice had changed over the years, now coming out as an odd mixture of her voice from before and Yoruichi's now. It was something to ponder, but not right at that moment.

"You know what to do," he replied, his voice baely audible to his own ears. His princess smiled benevolently and inclined her head slightly, giving him permission to proceed. Carefully, he held the blade before him and felt the invisible energy grab it, latching on as if made of honey. He could pull it out now if he chose, but the longer he left it in the more likely it was he would lose it inside there.

He continued to feed the reiatsu into it, steadily raising the levels in cautious bursts. Benihime sang softly through him, the sound a mixture between the sweetest lullaby and the slightly painful throb of electricity along his spine. The more he let go of his control, the louder she sang for him and the more likely it was that they would be discovered. Still, the barrier wasn't responding.

Kisuke kept his senses open for any sign that someone had noticed the reiatsu as he increased the energy yet again. Was the protection layer malfunctioning? He couldn't see how considering no one had touched it in over one hundred years. Perhaps he'd set it up wrong... no, he couldn't have. He'd tested it on a smaller scale long before and it had worked well then.

Finally, after several nervous minutes had passed, the air in front of him began to ripple as if made of water, causing the anxiety to flood right out of him as the barrier broke. He stepped through it and let out a grateful little sigh as he sheathed Benihime once again with a murmured thanks. He always thanked her for whatever task she did, understanding that manners went a long way in getting her to cooperate. One barrier down, the last to go. So far, so good.

He took a deep breath, fingers curling briefly into fists as he came up to the final barrier, the one that was going to be the the most challenging. It was designed so that, no matter what a potential thief tried, it would set off the intruder alert system in all of Seireitei. He would have to first unravel the layers of kido he'd placed on it, then grab it and run like he'd just been caught peeking into the women's shower by Yoruichi.

Kisuke glanced over his shoulder and searched the shadows once again, even though he knew he wouldn't be able to see someone if they didn't want to be seen. Once he was as satisfied as he could be that he was alone, he set to work on the first series of kido knots surrounding the Orb.

There were twenty-three total, all a level seventy or above and some of them actually interwoven together so that he had to work on two at once. This portion here hadn't been his handy work. He was good... but he wasn't that good. A certain third seat by the name of Tsukabishi Tessai, who was very quickly promoted to assistant captain when he was heading Twelfth Division, had done this brilliant work. The man had been too slow for Yoruichi to use in the Special Forces, which suited Kisuke just fine. Tessai had shown an inate talent in design execution as well as the ability to command respect from his peers. He'd been an excellent assistant, and still was even in exile. Now though... he really wished they hadn't made it it so difficult!

He finished the last of the kido, a level ninety-five which he hadn't touched in over a century and consequently left him feeling the lack of practice, pausing to shake out his stiff shoulders and let the adrenaline that had been caged in by his anxiety rush through his system. His shirt was plastered to his back, his palms were drenched inside his gloves and the light in the room was beginning to come from the windows in the main area instead of the hogyoku. He didn't have much more time, and he still had one more step to do. Rocking back and forth on his heels to loosen his legs, Kisuke took two huge breaths in and out... and snatched the hogyoku.

Instantly, a high pitched wailing went up through the air, so shrill and piercing it was almost painful on the ears. Kisuke couldn't help the quick smile as he heard shouts and barked orders echoing around the Twelfth Division compound. The alarm had worked exactly as he'd hoped it would have, and considering he hadn't had time to test drive the idea, that was really something. He didn't have time to enjoy this little success for long, however, seeing as foot steps were already pounding through his former lab in his direction.

Kisuke carefully tucked the Orb into a sealed pouch before securing the pouch under his shirt against his damp skin. His exit was across the room, a window that looked out over the roof top of the lower level housing. Once out on the roof, it was a mad dash across, down the otherside and toward the main gate. There was no way he could make it back to the sewer system again, not with the courtyard filling up and certainly not without a fight. He was trying to escape, not wage a full-out war with his former colleagues.

He ran for it, flicking out three small spiked pieces of metal from one of the pouches on his arm toward the glass to open his exit. The glass shattered loudly and he was jumping through the sparkling shards just as a burst of energy struck the wall near his shoulder. He felt the barest edge of the heat that the shikai attack had produced and knew he'd cut it extremely close.

His feet hit the tiles of the rooftop and he only had a moment to regain his balance before he was sprinting across the uneven surface, using every shunpo technique he'd ever learned, plus a few tricks Yoruichi had been kind enough to pass on through their training sessions. Against most other shinigami, the tricks would have been more than efficient to get him away from the scene. Against First and Second Division shinigami though... it was going to be close at best. He really couldn't hope to escape without a little bloodshed, but hopefully he could keep it all at a disarming level. Nothing lethal if it could be helped.

Kisuke leapt off the side of the roof, tucking his legs under him to absorb the impact of landing, and was off running again just as four other thuds sounded behind him. He felt a gathering of reiatsu at his back and quickly dodged the release of that energy simply by feel of where it was placed. Another blast of energy cut across his shoulder hard, momentarily breaking his pace as it spun him around completely. He felt something thick and wet oozing down the back of his arm and side, but he couldn't think about it right then. Get away first, and then worry about the bleeding.

Kisuke immediately picked up the pace to make up for the ground lost. He needed any advantage he could get his hands on to escape his pursuers. To either side, just at the corner of his vision, he could make out dark blurs of speed rushing across the ground in his direction, the only bit of paleness being the narrow space between their head covers and their masks. The Special Forces had been called out and were looking to cut him off. Lovely! Thinking quickly over his options, Kisuke chose the one he thought would create the most chaos and was the least expected.

He stopped running and dropped to the ground, eyes squeezed shut as he prepared for impact by tucking his head against his chest and covering it with both arms. His ribs took the kick from the one shinigami that hadn't been able to slow down or stop in time, who was then sent sprawling with a wild scream face first into the dirt. He didn't get back up. Kisuke sprang up instantly and drew Benihime a fraction of a second after he managed to catch the silvery glint whizzing toward his head.

Sparks shot out as the two blades collided in four lightening quick bids for dominance. The next blow he landed was a downward slice that his opponent hadn't expected. No permanent injury, but the man's hand was cut badly enough that using his zanpaku-to was flat out. Kisuke meanwhile was already spinning away for the next three that rushed him together. It would have been easier to just release Benihime from her sleeping state, but both his shikai and bankai were extremely unique. Anyone would recognize them instantly, and the point was to try and get out without anyone knowing for certain he'd been there.

He stopped counting blade exchanges at one hundred and thirty-seven, focusing more on the next few moves ahead and keeping his breathing under control. Two of the three went down together when he sent a wide slash across the tops of their thighs and took a running leap away from them to draw the third out of reach. The third followed, but was joined by six more that seemed to appear out of nowhere, all with their weapons ready. In his tenure as captain, seven at once would have been manageable.

After nearly a century of little fighting beyond the occasional Hollow, this was not going to be pretty. He took the attacks as they came, knowing he wasn't going to leave this particular skirmish unscathed. He blocked a slice for his neck and somehow managed to twist his stomach away from another sword, turning what would have been a killing slash to his gut into a deep cut that stung like the fires of hell when he moved again.

The last from the initial group finally went down with a sharp cut right into the meat of his shoulder, and another one fell soon after when he slashed diagonally across their face, nearly taking an eye in the process. Each stroke made with his blade was precise, the intent being to drive them back while they sought to kill him. A very unfair exchange in his book, but there was nothing to be done about it.

Despite their best efforts and the fact that he wasn't in peak condition, he was still steadily making his way free of them. True, he'd taken a few hits that were starting to get painful, especially the piercing wound in his side that had been delivered from the man trying to circle behind him (who then fell when he was slit from calf to knee), but he was almost there. He could just make out the arched entry behind him. Almost there!

Summoning up a burst of renewed energy, Kisuke pressed a hard attack on the two guards still standing, gritting his teeth at the protesting from his overly abused body. This was going to hurt something fierce in the morning, but he could always use that as an excuse to stay in bed all day. A grin broke out behind his mask as he brought Benihime down across the chest of one guard just enough to take him out of the fight before sending a shunpo powered kick to the last.

He waited as the man went rolling a good twenty feet back before sprawling onto his back unmoving. Pausing to control his panting breath and shake some of the blood from Benihime, he nodded once, satisfied with how this little adventure had gone. Excellent, despite the aching wounds that simply wouldn't stop bleeding. And now to-

The pain in his lower back was quick and sharp, so suddenly there and gone he almost missed it completely under the throbbing aches everywhere else. The queasiness and the heavy feeling that was spreading slowly through his limbs though... yeah, those weren't so easy to dismiss. Kisuke gasped, stumbling forward a little as the nausea began to turn into hot and cold flashes that pulsed in time with his heart. What the...

His vision was swimming, the main gates losing focus to become two before sliding sickenly back into one solid image, repeating again and causing him to swallow hard to keep the bile from rising. Slowly, he reached his free hand behind his back, his gloved fingers exploring his lower back carefully. He couldn't feel his own touch, and when he drew his hand back around, the fingers were coated in wet blood and something a little sticky. Poison? From where?

Movement caught at the corner of his eye, a person approaching him in solid black and face covered almost completely. Kisuke blinked dizzly as he took another stumbling step backward, trying to focus on the Second Division shinigami and his zanpaku-to. The numbness was starting to seep into his legs, trying to keep him from running and making it difficult to stand.. He glanced up at the similarly masked man's zanpaku-to earnestly to see if maybe it was one he recognized. The blade was long and thin, almost like a giant needle, and looked as if it were coated in some thick, slightly cloudy liquid.

It wasn't one he knew and therefore he couldn't ascertain exactly who he was fighting now. He didn't need to hear the shinigami's cruel chuckle to know he'd just been dosed with a toxin of some kind. This was sooo not good! The need to vomit was strong, his chest heaving a little as he forced the retching back down. He had no idea how he'd found the will to remain standing, especially when the ground was beginning to look like a very nice place to collapse.

The shinigami lifted his blade to show it off better, letting the toxin that it was coated in drip off the thin tip dramatically. Of course... which blade was the real one was the question, considering that he was now seeing four of them spin around. "This is Kinubari no Doku," he explained, his voice carrying a cold glee that wasn't at all comforting. Kisuke could just barely focus on what he was saying, storing the zanpaku-to's name away for later.

Tessai had a running catalogue of all the zanpaku-to they'd encountered over the years, as well as the abilities of each one as they were revealed. Hopefully, his assistant would recognize this one. "One prick of its blade introduces a tranquilizer poison into your system. One more taste of its poison, and you die. Just thought you'd like to know how you're about to die." He drew the blade back slowly, poised to thrust it downward into Kisuke's neck. "Any last words, thief?"

"Yes... goodbye!" With every last bit of strength and determination he had, Kisuke made a wild dash for the gates of Seireitei, fighting for each rapid step he took against the effects of the toxin and ignoring the shout of 'coward' at his back. Running away was not cowardly if it meant staying alive. As he approached the gates themselves, comprised of solidified reiatsu, he released his hold on Benihime and allowed the princess the burst free from her metal casing while reaching into one of the pouches with his other hand.

An explosion of deep red, crimson and shining like fresh blood, rushed forward and shattered through the reiatsu gates with a resonating boom that was surely heard throughout the entire Soul Society. At the same time, he jerked the pin out from the small explosive he'd withdrawn, using his teeth since his other hand was holding his zanpaku-to, and tossed it behind him where it erupted into a firework display of colors and shrapnel projectiles. Hopefully, that would help disguise the use of his shikai on the gates.

The wind from the combined explosions kicked up enough dirt and dust that it was blinding him, filtering through the slits int he mask and causing him to choke. All he could do was continue pushing forward and pray that he was going in the right direction. He hadn't wanted any witnesses to the use of his shikai, but he'd been left with very little choice in the matter.

He tripped as the numbness radiated through his thighs completely and started worming its way into his chest. Breathing was difficult. Moving was becoming an impossibility. He could already feel the area beyond the gate closing in behind him, and worry began to set in that he wouldn't be able to run fast enough. Somehow, he regained his feet and continued to force himself onward, but the pressure was closing in rapidly and he was almost completely out of strength now. If he wanted to get out of there at all, it was going to take the last of what he could give and a small miracle of some kind.

If it weren't for the situation and the fact that he was not only battling weariness but bleeding wounds and a toxin, he would have laughed at the irony of his statement. There, floating in front of him and blending nearly perfectly with the darkness, was his 'small miracle'. A hell butterfly. How one got stuck in here or why wasn't important. It was his way out of there safely.

Kisuke didn't think beyond snatching the fragile creature carefully, his fingers curling just enough to keep the creature trapped without crushing its fragile wings. A warm wash of relief flooding through him when he felt it pull him with deceptive strength up through the corridor, speeding faster than he could have hoped to. Everything went perfectly pitch black for several seconds, where all he could focus on was the heavy beating of his heart. He'd forgotten how much he hated traveling this way.

The shock of suddenly being released into the human world made him yelp as he dropped to the pavement and rolled across it. Somehow, he'd remembered to release the frail butterfly in time to avoid hurting it, and it was quick to fly away from him. He knew he was hurt, from both the fight and the rough landing, but he could no longer feel the pain anywhere. His legs... damn it, they weren't working at all now! His arms shook violently as he began to drag himself toward the nearest alley, Benihime still held tightly in his hand, in an attempt to get out of sight just in case trackers were sent after him.

He could see his zanpaku-to's worried expression as she floated near him, offering as much support as she could in noncorporeal form. It was very unusual for the regal woman to wear any expression except pride, which meant he was in deeper crap than he'd thought. The fact that he couldn't even summon the will power to restrain her energy said quite a bit, too. The longer she remained unsheathed, the more risk he ran of throwing the reiatsu in the area out of balance. Sheathing her wasn't something he could do at the moment though, seeing as he could barely feel his grip on her hilt any longer.

Just as his eyes were beginning to fall shut heavily, he felt the dim morning light darken as a black shadow fell on him. He felt the heavy aura long before the voice ever spoke. Of course, it had to be the very last thing he wanted to deal with when he was like this. He managed to open his eyes just enough to catch the pale, distorted skull mask, shaped like a snake with jutting fangs.

"Well, well... a Soul Reaper crawling in the mud," a hissing voice said from a disturbingly short distance away. Kisuke pressed his back to the dirty brick wall behind him to maintain as much distance between himself and the Hollow, panting and sweating even though he felt ice cold all over. His left arm was completely gone now, and his right was going to be useless very shortly, too. He was, essentially, screwed.

The Hollow chuckled icily behind its mask, gathering its distended body underneath itself as if coiling to strike. "Must be my lucky day! Two sweet girls for an appetizer, and a bleeding Soul Reaper for dinner. And what lovely energy you have, too! You should fill me up nicely."

Kisuke wanted to utter something clever and funny, a quip that would piss the Hollow off and maybe force it into doing something stupid. Strange how his tongue wouldn't seem to work. Even stranger was the fact that he should keep his eyes open to fight, but he couldn't. They kept closing, his head dropping to his shoulder as if his neck were made of rubber. The last thing he saw clearly before flopping to the pavement completely was a pair of feet stepping between him and the Hollow. And then... nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Birds were chirping. That was his first indication that he might possibly still be alive. The second was that he could feel the familiar worn cotton of his sheets under his fingertips. Another good sign, that. The third was that every single inch of his body that could ache did. If he were dead, he wouldn't be aching. Actually, now that he thought about it... how exactly was it better being alive if it meant everything hurt? Hmm, that was the new question of the century, right up there next to how did he survive. He remembered being paralyzed (third question: why wasn't he paralyzed now?), of crawling into the alleyway, the Hollow... oh, yeah. Feet.

He remembered seeing feet. And those feet had been encased in very familiar white boots. Someone was getting a Superman costume for their birthday this year. The image of Yoruichi chewing him out verbally for giving her blue and red spandex brought a smirk to his face, which instantly faded when it made the over all aching get worse in his face.

He heard the quiet slide of the door opening but remained still on the futon as whoever had just entered began moving around his room. There was a cool rush of air followed by the mattress dipping as his visitor sat on the edge. The minute cool, slim fingers pressed across his forehead and along his cheek, he knew exactly who it was with him. Kisuke coaxed his eyes open, smiling as much as he dared at Yoruichi's stunned expression. The sunlight was filtering through the drawn pull-down blinds, but it still made him squint against the muted glare.

"Hey," he said in greeting, his voice hoarse and sounding almost alien to his own ears.

Yoruichi's expression was unreadable. It was hard to say whether she was pissed, relieved, close to tears or some odd combination of the three. Her breath left her parted lips in what almost sounded like a sigh as she said softly, "Hey, back. You look like hell."

"Mmm... ever the smooth talker."

She scowled at his joke and jerked her hand away from him, eyes flashing bright with irritation. "If someone else hadn't beaten you unconscious already, you would be there now," she threatened, only half joking. "I've had to spend three days shoving medicine down your throat, checking wounds, keeping liquids in you, changing bed pans-," he grimaced at that and made a mental note to find some way of making it up to her, "- giving you sponge baths, making sure your shop was still running smoothly, dealing with Ururu constantly crying-"

"-Ururu was crying?"

Yoruichi brought her hand back, causing him to flinch before a sharp hiss of pain at the sudden movement came from him. She didn't hit him, but she might as well have since it hurt anyway. "She was sobbing like she intended to flood the entire shop, Kisuke! How is it possible someone so small can hold so much water?" she railed. "And Jinta asking if he could have your room when you died didn't help either!"

Kisuke began to relax again, adding another mental note to paint Jinta's walls pink in retaliation for that comment. Maybe he could get Tessai to stencil on some nice purple unicorns as well. "And you? How were you doing?" he asked, catching her hand as she resettled it on the mattress. He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles soothingly, his heart speeding slightly faster as she lowered her eyes and a dark rose dusted across her cheeks.

"We worked hard to keep you alive, Kisuke," she explained, her tone aiming for gruff and falling just a little short of the mark. She'd been worried, but she wasn't going to admit it out loud. He squeezed her hand to let her know he understood. "Did you think at all about what it would mean to them to lose you?" He knew what she'd meant was Did you think at all about what it would mean to me to lose you?

"I hadn't really," he admitted, expecting the annoyed twitch of lips from her. "I was looking at the bigger picture. Besides, they're tough. They would have survived." She smiled at the hidden compliment he'd paid her, playing along with her metaphor easily.

"You're too important to too many people, Urahara Kisuke, to be doing stupid things like going for the hogyoku. Remember our agreement? You do the planning, and I do the dirty work. That's how it should be, unless you like being the reason everyone was so upset."

Kisuke groaned and tugged her hand as best he could. "Are you going to sit there and guilt trip me all morning, or are you going to give me a welcome back kiss?"

Yoruichi scowled at him as she tapped her finger against the end of his nose, mimicking his action from when he'd left. "First of all," she replied sternly. '"It's after two in the afternoon. Second of all... there will be no kissing until you bathe properly and brush your damn teeth. You reek, Kisuke."

"I do?" he exclaimed.

She nodded solomnly and said, "Worse than that time Jinta wore his gym socks for a solid month straight for good luck."

That caused him to frown, twisting his nose as close to his shoulder as he could get to give it a whiff. The stench of stale sweat assailed his nose and made him shudder in horror. "Ugh! I do stink! Were you sponge bathing me in sour milk? And my hair!" He'd reached up to finger his locks, nervous at what he'd find, and came away rubbing grease and grime between his fingers. "Just what kind of caretaker are you, letting me smell like this?"

"Excuse me?" Yoruichi shouted, pulling her hand free as she stood up, one hip cocked saucily as she resettled her hand across its curve. "I save your life and you dare to question my healing techniques? What, you would have preferred Tessai sponging your body?"

"At lease he'd make sure I don't smell like rotting fish!"

"You insufferable, ungrateful... stinky bastard!"

Kisuke couldn't have stopped the laughter if he'd tried, and he regretted it horribly when the pain twisted so badly that it brought tears to his eyes. Yoruichi was still fuming at his bed side, eye blazing with smug satisfaction at his obvious pain. Finally, the laughter subsided enough that he could speak, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I suppose there's an easy solution for this," he said, wincing as he forced himself into a sitting position.

Despite the fact that she was beyond irate with him, Yoruichi was instantly at his back to help support him upright. "Yes, there is, and it's called don't you ever do this again!"

He nodded, smiling as he met her gaze steadily. "Actually, I was going to suggest that you should bathe me properly this time... but your plan works, too."