Desperation

This is the story of how I died…

Well, not really, this is the story of how everything I am died…even if I am still a living, breathing human. No one has noticed yet, everyone still sees me as the ‘well adjusted’ smart kid who never lets anything or anyone bother him. They have no idea how wrong they are. They never see how much I hide. There’s the alcohol…the clubs, the sex…

The drugs…

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“Man, what the hell are you always writing in that journal of yours?”

Ishida jumped as he looked up, snapping the diary closed as he shook his head at his friend. He pretended he hated the boy but really…Ichigo was the only thing keeping him from ending it all. He was always around…he never really had the time too. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He asked with his trademark scowl, tucking the small book in his bag before standing.

Ichigo just sighed, his hand going to the back of his head in a nervous gesture as he watched the smaller man stand. Ishida was really starting to worry him, they had known each other for years but he had never seen the other so pale or so skinny. There was something wrong…He knew there was something wrong but he couldn’t seem to pin down exactly what it was. “Me and Chad are heading to a movie, do you wanna tag along?”

Ishida just shook his head, pulling his bag up a bit farther on his shoulder as he looked at Ichigo. He made sure to keep his sleeves pulled down though, he was constantly hiding the small puncture wounds in his arms now, the small red marks against his pale skin that showed just how far he would go to forget. He knew he couldn’t let anyone see them or they would lecture him, they would try to tell him what he already knew. “No, I already have plans.”

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You see, I know it’s bad for me. Logically, I know that it’s dangerous and definitely not something I should do but…I just can’t help it. I’ve found that I…need it. I need the escape that the drugs give me, the escape that the alcohol and sex can give me.

I know I’m addicted…but I still can’t stop.

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The club was crowded as always, the dark blue, black and purple lights flashing and even illuminating the people waiting outside to get in. It was an underground club, one that dealt in drugs and alcohol for anyone who wanted them, it didn’t matter if you were underage or not, if you were good looking enough, you would get in. Ishida never had to wait to get in. He was one of the VIP’s and every bouncer that worked there knew to never try to keep him out or the owner himself would get mad. Ishida just nodded at the bouncer as he stepped past the red rope barring the entrance, easily making his way into the club.

“So nice to see you again, pretty boy.”

Ishida was groped when he walked into the club, big, calloused hands dragging across his exposed skin like they belonged there. He knew he had chosen well this time, the tight, midriff shirt and the jeans that rode low enough on his hips to reveal just a bit of the hair that led to his groin, making more then one head turn in his direction. He was wearing all black, the dark color stark again his almost white skin, making him stand out even more on the crowded dance floor. Ishida had learned a long time ago to never wear his glasses to the club, they always got broken and that was far too expensive, So, his hair was free to fan around his face, strands falling in front of his eyes and making him look even less like himself.

“Hmmm, how is my little tripper doing today?” Strong arms encircled Ishida’s slim waist, warm breath fanning across his neck as he was pulled against a solid, lean body. The blue haired man holding him leaned forward, sharp teeth scratching against the pale skin of the smaller mans neck. “Would you like some of this?”

Ishida’s eyes widened as the bag was dangled in front of his face, containing a needle full of one of his favorite drugs. His hand coming up to try to snatch them only to have them pulled away by the other man. “Grimmjow…” The name was almost a whine, ending on a gasp as he was spun around and pulled harshly against the bigger mans body.

“You know what the payment is right?”

Ishida swallowed as he looked into the piecing blue eyes, just trying to stop the shaking starting in his hands. “Of course I do…yes.” He murmured, wincing when he was pulled into a harsh embrace, a small sound coming from his throat when the other clamed his lips, those sharp teeth nipping until he opened his mouth to the invasion he knew was coming. The kiss was the same as always, harsh and demanding as well as possessive. Grimmjow was letting him know just who he belonged too before he took him.

The sex wouldn’t be any different this time either. Ishida knew that even as he was pulled into one of the VIP rooms and thrown to a bed, his arm pulled out to the side almost painfully.

“You knew what you were getting into when you said yes, don’t tell me your wimping out now.” The words were growled out as Grimmjow tied a tourniquet around Ishida’s arm, getting him ready for the drugs he knew he wanted.

Ishida just shook his head, letting his eyes close as he tried to relax his body against the bed. “I…I know.” He muttered, biting his lip as he looked down at his arm where Grimmjow was holding it down. He winced when the needle slid under his skin,crimson, red blood bubbling to the surface as the drug was injected straight into his blood stream. Ishida could always swear he could feel the drugs moving through him, calming him as it burned into his system. “Ahhh.” His eyes fell closed at that, his body finally relaxing as he took deep breaths, his mind fuzzing as the drug took effect, fast and efficiently, just like he wanted.

“You have your drug, now I get my payment.” Grimmjow didn’t receive any resistance when he started to undress the teen, revealing his pale body for his perusal and use. “Ahhh, you’re being such a good, little boy.” The blue haired man murmured, leaning down to nip at the mark right above Ishida’s right nipple, the tattoo that branded him as his. It had been a gift from him Grimmjow just months after he had started using, something he could never get rid of.

Ishida made a soft sound of discomfort when his unresisting body was tilted up and Grimmjow pressed into him, not worrying about preparing him at all. He knew this was how it would be though so he always did what he could before he came, preparing himself just enough so that Grimmjow could enter him without the painful ripping that had happened their first few times together.

The sex was the same as always, it was hard and fast with bruising grips and deceivingly soft touches. Grimmjow would use his body as long as he needed, as often as he needed through the night and tonight was no different. The blue haired man didn’t care if he hurt Ishida, he knew that the teen would come back as long as he promised him more drugs…more of the escape he craved so badly.

Ishida gasped, his body arching up when he felt the others hand surround his half hard erection just as he shifted just enough so that he thudded against his prostate with each debilitating thrust. This was one thing about Grimmjow that he couldn’t fault, he always got him off no matter how strung out on drugs he was. The bigger man drew pleasure from seeing his partners cum…apparently. His thought process’s were cut off when he felt Grimmjow bend him almost double and thrust into his body harder, pulling a surprised moan from his throat as his hazy eyes opened. “Ahhh…fuck…”

“Yes, that is what we’re doing.” The tone was teasing as Grimmjow moved in him, gripping Ishida’s hips hard enough to bruise. That was his last chance to talk before Grimmjow started moving in earnest, fucking him hard and fast into the bed.

It wasn’t long before the movements were too much, the overwhelming feeling of being stretched almost more then he could handle pushing Ishida over the edge into a breath stealing orgasm.

Grimmjow came seconds after that, hilting hard in his toy as he emptied himself, filling Ishida to where the white fluid was dripping out around his length even as he stayed buried deep inside him. He looked down at Ishida after that, tracing his fingers across the ribs that could be seen through his skin with a grin. “Very good, very good. That deserves another dose, don’t you think?”

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I know he’s not good for me…he may be the worst addiction I have actually…The alcohol and drugs don’t seem nearly as dangerous as being fully defenseless underneath a trained killer.

Yeah, Grimmjow is ex-military, so it’s just really smart for me to let him fuck out my brains while I’m high as a kite, right?

But…just like the drugs and alcohol, I can’t quit him either…

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Ishida had collapsed when he got home, the drugs and alcohol in his system leaving him so out of it he didn’t even notice where he fell. Normally, he would come home, take a bath and sober himself up but…there was something different about this time, he just couldn’t move. He knew he had to move, he had to move so that Ichigo didn’t find him like this. The other had been living with him for a while, making his habits even harder to hide but he had managed so far. It had to be the second dose that had done this to him, he had never taken that much in one night and apparently his body didn’t know how to handle it yet.

Ishida would be found out that night.

Ichigo came into their shared apartment a couple hours after Ishida, his keys and coat falling to the floor as he almost ran to his roommate , the door still open wide behind him. “Ishida?” He asked, shaking him a bit, recoiling at bit how cold his body felt, he was even paler then when he had seen him last and it wasn‘t a good thing. “Come on Ishida.” He murmured, turning him a bit so that he rested on his back, just now noticing the bruises in the form of hands on his hips and the telltale needle marks on his arms. “No…” His hand moved up shakily, pressing against the pulse point on his friends neck, his eyes widening in panic at when he found there. “Ishida?!”

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AN: Ok, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything like this before. I’m just on this…real life kick thing I guess and I’ve wanted to try a story like this for a long time.

Well, please don’t be too harsh if you don’t like it, just tell me what you didn’t like about it and I’ll see if there’s anyway I can fix it.

Ohhh, thank you to loveyouflyingv who looked over this for and gave me encouragement to keep writing.

This is AU so no shinigami, no quincy, no hollows just…troubled teens.

Well, I hope you all like it! Thank you so much for reading and remember, favs and comments are loved! (they seriously help me write.)