Hope

Rating: T

Warnings: Angst, Character Death, Violence

Pairing: Chad/Ichigo

Summary:  Chad had never expected it.

XxXxXxX

Chad had always liked cute things.

Ichigo was no different.

Just like the bird Chad had tried to protect all those years ago, his first
insight into the world of Soul Reapers, Ichigo was
cute and in need of protection Chad felt he could deliver.

And maybe that had been true, when Ichigo was
fifteen, and the only enemies he fought were human teenagers who insulted his
hair. Together, he and Chad made an unbeatable team against those vermin.

That was before they came in contact with the spirit world.

Now, Ichigo was powerful. So much more powerful than
Chad, and Chad felt like they had grown further and further apart. Chad could
no longer even hope to protect him, because Ichigo
didn’t need it. And against their
enemies, Chad couldn’t have done much anyway.

Looking at Ichigo as the garganta
to Hueco Mundo was opened,
Chad’s lips quirked into a small smile, unnoticed by anyone. class=SpellE>Ichigo was still as cute as the first time Chad had laid
eyes on him, beaten, but still fighting, still determined.

That same fire was in his eyes even now, as he gazed at the ominous opening, an
army of Shinigami behind them, stirring in
anticipation. Ichigo’s familiar scowl adorned his
face, eyebrow twitched tensely. Both nervous and excited to face their biggest
challenge yet. Possibly their biggest challenge ever.

Chad wondered if Ichigo had ever been as attractive
as he was at that moment.

And then Ichigo looked over at Chad. And smiled.

Much more than his adorable little frowns, Chad loved Ichigo’s
rare smiles that blinded the receiver. And Chad loved to be on the end of those
smiles, because they made him feel special in a way he’d never felt before. He’d
always been ‘strange old Saddo’, too big to fit in
but too quiet to stand out.

But to Ichigo, he’d been different. He’d been ‘Chad’.

Chad was suddenly next to Ichigo, as thousands of
Soul Reapers swarmed into the garganta and the others
being made. He and Ichigo were still as people moved
around them.

“Do you still remember that kiss?” Ichigo suddenly
asked, voice raspy as if he’d not spoken in days. Chad knew his voice would be
equally as hoarse, throat tight with anxiety.

“I can never forget,” Chad replied honestly, not looking at Ichigo
until Ichigo turned to face him, and tugged him
around. Chad found himself staring into Ichigo’s
honest brown eyes that stared at him so openly, laying bare every last one his
feelings.

Love, affection. Fear of losing Chad, losing any of his friends. And a growing style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>need to fight.

And above all that, a raw desperation that was explained as Ichigo
grabbed Chad’s head and pulled him down for a forceful, passionate kiss that
was never meant to be soft or gentle. Just like Ichigo
himself.

Chad would have to be gentle for the both of them.

Chad wrapped his arms around Ichigo’s waist and
brought him closer, tighter, unable to get enough and yet maybe just feeling
too much. Hot tears clouded his eyes but he never let them fall because he was
so happy.

“Be safe,” Ichigo whispered. “Please, please be style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>safe.”

“Only... only if you are,” Chad replied, equally as quietly, and swallowed
harshly.

“Hey, Kurosaki! Get over here!” The atmosphere was broken by the harsh cry from
Kenpachi. With one last longing look, Chad and class=SpellE>Ichigo separated, hands lingering on each other and unable
to tear their eyes away.

Even as Ichigo stepped into the garganta,
Chad moments away from following him with Squad 10, their gaze remained on each
other. Ichigo gave one last wave.

And as soon as he was gone, Chad was filled with crushing despair.

XxXxXxX

Chad had always known some of their group wouldn’t make it.

He’d just always expected himself to be one of the casualties.

He’d certainly never expected Ichigo to be lying on
the sands of Heuco Mundo,
stained red with battle, surrounded by countless more bodies. Some distance
away, Orihime was healing as many as possible. None
of them could find Ichigo.

Until Chad had stumbled across him.

Chad felt his breath catch in this throat, and he’d clumsily stepped back, a
hand clutching his bloody, torn shirt. For there, lying next to the dead body
of Ulquirro Schiffer, was class=SpellE>Ichigo. Chest torn open, blood pooled around him, clothing
nearly destroyed.

And looking  indescribably satisfied.

Chad stared at that goofy smirk for a good few moments. Ichigo’s
lips were as red as the blood beneath him, and he could see crimson flecks on
his chin. Chad still wanted to kiss those lips. But he wanted to kiss them alive.

His knees sank into the sand as he collapsed beside Ichigo
and bent over, tears gathering in his eyes before finally escaping to hit class=SpellE>Ichigo’s cold face. With desperate, choking sobs, he
gripped the remains of Ichigo’s uniform and dragged
the torso up, shaking him.

“Ichigo!” he cried, voice breaking he was sure of it.
“Ichigo, answer me!” Lifeless eyes stared at him, and
Chad gasped brokenly as he realised that the fire was gone. The determined fire
was completely missing.

Where the hell had it gone?

“Ichigo...” Chad mumbled, gently setting the body
back onto the ground, previous anger completely shattered as a cold numbness
spread through his chest and squeezed his heart. He wished he could reach past
his ribcage and rip it out.

Much like Ulquirro had done to Ichigo.

“Chad, move out of the way buddy.” Renji grasped class=SpellE>Ichigo’s body... his corpse...
and sat him up as Chad stared, wondering why Renji
was daring to put his hands on his class=SpellE>Ichigo.

“Chad-kun, calm yourself,” a soothing voice whispered in his ear. class=SpellE>Urahara was crouched next to him, eyes not as triumphant as
they had been during battle when he’d ripped Aizen
apart. Now they were fixed on the aftermath of war.

A consequence not one of them had ever expected.

Unohana and Orihime
gathered around Ichigo, almost as if they could force
him back to life. Maybe... maybe it would have been possible, for class=SpellE>Orihime, if she hadn’t just sapped her power during battle
and extensive healing.

As it was, no matter how hard she tried, or how many tears she shed, his cute class=SpellE>Ichigo just wasn’t coming back.

Chad stood swiftly. Urahara looked up at him slowly,
making no move to stand with him, as if his legs wouldn’t support him. Chad
wasn’t sure how his were even letting him stand.

Chad threw his head back, looked at the fake black sky, and let out a roar so
deep and loud he wondered if those
back on earth would be able to hear it. Wondered if they’d even know what it
meant.

Had anyone else even felt pain so crushing as he did at that moment? He knew
the answer was yes, and yet it felt like the pain was so consuming no-one could
live through it.

“Please, please be safe.”style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>

“Only if you are.”

Ichigo was no longer safe.

XxXxXxX

“Kill me,” Chad begged weakly as Urahara shuffled
into the room, a tray of food in hand.

It had been five days. The pain hadn’t lessened. In fact, it had only grown,
the hole in his heart so great Chad kept looking down to see if it was visible,
to see if he were turning into a hollow. He’d failed to protect class=SpellE>Ichigo, maybe he deserved to turn into a disgusting,
soulless monster. He felt like one.

“No,” Urahara said, just as he’d said every day Chad
had asked that. He was currently residing in Urahara’s
Shouten. Urahara had felt
he wasn’t safe on his own, and he was right. Chad had made no move to care for
himself since he’d been brought back to earth.

Maybe he would die from starvation, or maybe dehydration, if class=SpellE>Urahara would stop Tessai from
shoving food and drink down his throat.

“Why?” It was the first thing Chad
had said, asides from begging to be killed. It gave Urahara
pause, and he turned his gaze from setting the tray down on a low table, to
Chad’s tense face.

“Why what?” he asked carefully. Chad was like a ticking time-bomb. So different
to the Chad of before, the calm, gentle Chad, who hadn’t even wanted to use his
strength to fight. Ichigo’s death had destroyed him.

“... Why him? Why Ichigo? What did he ever do wrong?
And why won’t you kill me!” Chad roared, suddenly punching the table, fist
driving straight through it. Chad couldn’t feel a thing.

“I can’t tell you why Ichigo had to be the one to go.
He knew the risks he was taking, you all did. And there was always more risk
for Ichigo than anyone.” Chad didn’t reply to class=SpellE>Urahara, lest he bite his head off, because what class=SpellE>Urahara had said was a load of crap. And class=SpellE>Urahara knew it.

“And I won’t kill you...” Chad’s breath held. Finally, he would know why class=SpellE>Urahara refused to end his pain. Would it be some
ridiculous reason, like Chad would ‘get over it eventually’? “Because class=SpellE>Ichigo still lives.”

Chad froze. He just couldn’t make his body move. Urahara’s
words had knocked all energy out of him completely. What... what did that mean?

“When a soul dies, they never really die. It just means they go back to the
human world, reincarnated, if you will, in another body.”

Urahara offered him a bright, true smile, eyes not
hid in the shadows of his hat, blazing bright with happiness. It was the first
honesty Chad had ever seen from Ichigo’s mentor.

“We just have to find him.”

For the first time since Ichigo died, Chad felt hope.

XxXxXxX

Awwstyle='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'>, see? I’m not completely mean.

This was just a oneshot, however, so whether Chad
ever finds Ichigo is up to your imaginations I’m
afraid ;)

Did you like it? Think I could improve? Tell me in a review!