Journey To The Lorde

Alright kids, this is basically a smut and fuck sort of story. There's a plot with a lot of humor. Nothing too serious though, as the main point of this story is about uberness (not exactly Gary-Sue correct me if I'm wrong), smutting and fucking, also with a lot of humor. I decided to stay away from serious as I write a lot of that. Ok, so a little detail here. The Original Character's a Vizard, I may or may not explain how this happen though it's very different that's for sure. He's a dude, and around the looks of a teenager 15-16. He wants to gain the power of the Vasto Lorde. And he has a serious 'cool' fetish meaning he wants everything he does done in a cool manner. Plush he's a little too eccentric though the girls love him regardless. There will be a main pairing but that will be told next chapter. Alright, ready, set, GO!
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A 'Cool' Loser

He stayed knelt before his sensei awaiting his words. The being spoke, its voice dark bellowing.

“You have done well in your training Lijuan.”

“Thank you sensei.”

“Now it is time to take back what rightfully belongs to the true rulers of the Hueco Mundo. That fool that calls himself King is too weak to rule anything as he lost to a mere shinigami.”

Lijuan looked sideways in embarrassment. Holy crap, sometimes he forgets his student was a shinigami. He waved his hands frantically trying to reinsure the boy.

“Of course, I don’t mean you fool. Don’t get so downcast you idiot. You have the powers of a shinigami as well as much of a hollow. Goodness you’re stupid.”

“Sorry sensei,” he replied in a small voice. It was scary when his sensei was yelling.

“Sigh, just listen you dope. Now as I was saying, this Shinigami must be stopped at all costs. He’s disrupting the peace of Hueco Mundo. This place was for the solace of Hollow of all kinds, and if you stooped low to gain shinigami powers, then you weren’t worth looking at. Of course you wanted the powers of hollow making you an exception.”

Lijuan sighed in relief. The man wondered how he got such a crybaby of a student.

“ANYWAY, what you are to do is infiltrate the Army and bring it down from the inside out. Don’t call for help unless you absolutely need it. If you do, then a good portion of the army better be taken down do you understand me? I won’t help you if you are not even trying to do as I ask.”

Lijuan made a pushing gesture trying to get the man to calm down. Hollow and their temper, he swore. “Ari, Ari, calm down old man.” Ok now Lijuan was returning to his former self. The goofy idiot who constantly tried to look cool (and had some success) though he was better off being just himself. “I get it, don’t call unless you taken down half the army. I gotcha oldster, don’t flip.” Damn shinigami and their lingo. “Remember, there’s a big reward for this, so I can’t afford to lose.” His smirk was greedy, baring his teeth.

“Good, now that you understand, leave my presence. You’re speech is irritating me. I frigging have a migraine now, thanks a lot idiot.”

Lijuan waved him off. “Yeah, yeah sensei, just remember to have my payment ready when I leave. And dammit get out of the damn darkness and get some night light for pete sake. Are you trying to be cool or something.

“No way, as a Vasto Lorde, my identity is unknown to the world and it will remain as such. You never know whose watching.” He looked around paranoid and Lijuan sighed. Was he sure he chose the right Vasto Lorde to be his sensei? “Besides, doesn’t it make me seem mysterious?” All that could be heard was a crack of a branch and the wind blowing. “Damn, he always does that.”

“Aho, aho, aho-kaa.” The Vasto Lorde shot down the skeletal bird. “Now who’s an asshole, dumb bird?

Lijuan walked through the windy desert, the sand smacking his cheek. He brought his cloak closer to his face, now only his narrowed eyes visible as he walked with the wind making his cloak flap. Only one came to mind as he walked.

‘I…..look totally bad ass.’ If anyone else was around, they would have sighed. He wondered, about this army of Aizen’s. He knew who this guy was, being the fact that was once his taichou but he also had Gin and Tousen with him he heard. Has their army become grotesque with truly monstrous beings? He imagined something like big tall heads, with multiple tentacles sticking out the stringy bodies wearing masks that made you want them to keep it on in fear of what they looked like underneath. In his overly exaggerated thought process, he accidently bumped into something big and fell on his butt. He started to push himself up until he felt two people coming to help him.

“Heh, sorry about that guy, but you should watch where you’re going.” The voice sound weak and pathetic. He shook his head and gazed upon what was in front of him. It was a skinny looking hollow with an insect head with a pair of mandibles, his arms and legs purple in color. He wore an eye patch and a loin cloth. Lijuan wasn’t sure if that was to be cool or not, but it wasn’t nonetheless. On his left was a bigger guy with a mask that resembled a tiki mask with compound eyes and a large polka dot body, the base color being yellow. In the middle was actually pretty normal looking as she seemed like a small little girl with green hair with a slight blue tint, a large scar coming down from her forehead to her nose, larger than average incisors, and a crimson line that stretches horizontally across her face right below her eyes, her eyes being hazel. She had a skull on top of her head that he seen on cartoons in the real world but it was broken off in the front on the left side and a simple green gown.

“Maybe you, not cool, hollow should watch where you’re going.”

“What, we’re cool. We’re cooler than you,” yelled the skinny one.

“Oh yeah prove it.” And so they did, imitating a super-sentai entrance pose out of something from a Japanese superhero show, he decided on it.

“You guys are not cooler than me.”

The wind picked up as his tan colored cloak ‘coolly’ blew in the wind his eyes looking off to the distance as his stance was relaxed, putting them all in awe.

“Hey Mista, that so cool. You wanna play tag with us?”

“Che, it wasn’t so great,” the insect looking Arrancar known as Pesche mumbled.

“Err; I don’t think I can be playing with you guys now. I need to get somewhere. I have something to do.”

“Aww come on don’tcha know, if you play with us we can give you a lift on Bawabawa,” said the big one known as Dondochakka. His accent and speech seemed to have a Yakuza type sound to it. He looked at the eel like creature with a flat plate with horns on top of its head that was Bawabawa. He looked as if he was thinking tapping a tanned hand on his wrapped up chin.

“Hmm, can you guys take me to Las Noches, you think.”

The Arrancar seemed as though they grimaced but the little one, known as Nell Tu only smiled happily.

“Ok mista, but you have to play with us and be our friend. Deal?”

“I don’t know.” The little girl started to pout and stomp her feet. “Oh why not, I need some fun in my life.” Immediately after tripping over her feet once, she smacked his leg and yelled loudly.

“TAG, YOU’RE IT!” everyone started to run around as he chased them. it was pretty fun and they were all sweating by the end of the game. There was a little more force than necessary in the game though as the tags became punches eventually making each other fly. One person even hit the Eel hollow and caused him to smack Lijuan for no reason whatsoever. And he took most of the ‘tags’ thus the reason, he had a bruised lip and lumps on his leg and head. Still, he still had fun (though now he needed a medic damn that girl and her unnecessary biting).

“You guys sure do know how to play tag. I’d hate to play you guys in an actual sport like American Football or something.”

Instead of a chuckle like he was expecting, they all laughed unnecessarily loud. A sweat drop went down the back of his head as he stared at them. A little eccentric no?

“What’s futbawl,” asked Nell in confusion.

“It’s obviously a foot that’s taken and shaped into a ball and you play with it.”

Dondochakka and Nell nodded in a thoughtful manner as if it were entirely true as Pesche stood one foot on planted on Bawabawa, arms crossed. The night light shone on him making him glow with intensity. If he realized he was glowing a little too much for normal.

“Hey do you guys smell something burning?”

Both Dondochakka and Nell started to yell and run around.

“FIRE! YOU’RE ON FIRE AHH!”

Soon Pesche started to scream as well and only ran around yelling he was on fire. Lijuan only laughed at that, the fools. Ah the power of a magnifying glass, even though he had yet to figure out how moon’s intensity caused heat friction. He decided to throw sand on the guy and the fire went out leaving him nice and burnt all over. He was amazed that the fire didn’t even touch the cloth on the Arrancar’s body.

They rode on the sandy area of Hueco Mundo all now tired as they headed for a huge complex even for seeing it far away. Nell was in Lijuan’s lap (much to his discomfort) jumping up and down, telling terrible jokes. Being a nice guy he pretended to laugh but eventually didn’t and only would say ‘that’s funny’ in a dull tone of voice. They were getting nearer but to him it seemed as though they haven’t gotten anywhere. That was until they slid down a hill anyway.

“Hey big guy, what’s your name anyway.”

“Oh you’re right, I never did give you my name did I Pesche.” He chuckled scratching the back of his head. “My name is Lijuan, so there ya go. No surnames attached.”

They all laughed loudly again as he sighed. That one wasn’t even a joke.

“Lijuan, will you be best friends with us. That way, we can play together every day!” Nell exclaimed a little too enthusiastically.

“Uh wouldn’t we be able to play together even if-”

“Pinky promise.”

“Huh?”

“PINKY PROMISE,” she yelled holding out her pinky.

“Ok ok, I pinky promise that we’ll be best friends, sheesh.”

“Oh me too, me too.”

“Don’t forget me.”

Now everyone had their pinkies intertwined together.

“YAY, now we’re best friends forever.” She started to jump up and down again almost falling off the eel hollow if Dondochakka didn’t catch her in time. Now they were a mile away from the huge area known as Las Noches and came to a halt.

“Alright get off you joyrider, this is as far as we take you. Sorry you have to walk, but we can’t risk it.”

Lijuan noticed the sudden change attitude Pesche talking so sternly. This was certainly weird. What was weirder was that he no longer had a single scratch on him. Talk about freaky.

“Alright then, I guess I’ll see you guys later then ok.”

“Alright, by Wewan.”

“It’s Lijuan,” but too late they already headed the other way. Guess it was nothing left to do but to head over to Las Noches.

“It seems that an old friend has come to Hueco Mundo.”
“Who is it Kaname. An intruder?”

“No Aizen-sama, it appears to be your old 3rd seat.”

“Lijuan? Hmm, it’s been a while. I wonder what he’s doing here.”

“Should we capture him?”

“Hmm, send out a warning. If they see him capture him and bring him to me. Other than that, don’t go after him.”

“Understood Aizen-sama. But what about the Espada, do you want them to know at all?”

“Hmm, no let’s not. I have a few ideas as to what do from there. Just let the Privón know alright?”

“Understood Aizen-sama.”

He swiftly left, leaving Aizen alone with a hidden silver haired man.

“Gin, is my beauty presentable.” Gin raised an eyebrow at this sudden act of OOC.

“Err you look like you always do, what does it matter?”

“One must always keep his handsome features top notch. When reiatsu doesn’t calm down the savage beast, only beauty can suffice.”

He turned on heel and left, leaving a confused Gin. Sometimes that guy made him wonder. He took Aizen’s lead and left dull room as well.

Fucking dick heads, that was no mile walk at all. That was more like ten miles. He had to go top speed because he got tired of walking though he soon got tired of running. Finally, after what seemed like forever and a day, Lijuan finally reached the enormous area known as Las Noches. Despite living in Hueco Mundo for a year, he never had been much of anywhere lest he get lost with nowhere to go. He was panting heavily as he laid flat on his back, his chest heaving gasping for air. He just wanted to go to sleep here and there but knew that would be stupid because anyone could kill him then. Yet he decided an hour on the ground wouldn’t be bad. Eventually he returned to his normal breathing and noticed something. It was daylight now and that was weird. He thought there was never day in Hueco Mundo. He decided it was time to get up after his hour lay down. Not paying attention, he bumped into somebody knocking each other down.

“Hey who the fuck said to-”

The person yelling looked confused as she looked upon a man with brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes. Who the hell was this person? Not somebody she seen before as she met almost every Arrancar here.

“Identify yourself, who are you and what is your rank.”

It was a male’s voice this time and Lijuan looked up still a little groggy. It was a tall Arrancar with an average skull mask of no specific design (and no jaw to smash in) wearing a white jacket, the left flap over the right, tucked in a white hakama tied by a black obi, and black tabi in a waraji.

“Err I’m just a wanderer?” Lijuan said a little apprehensively. The skull face was about to reach for his blade on his hip before the female voice stopped him and caused his attention to turn to her.

“Oi, skull face don’t butt your ugly mug into this. I can handle this.”

“As a Privaron Espada, you have no right to do so.”

“Yeah yeah, skull face. I will get to my rightful place if you’d stop butting in.”

“This is stupid and pointless. Surrender yourself or feel the wrath of my blade.”

Both annoying Arrancar looked towards the boy’s direction only to find that he was gone leaving only a dotted silhouette of him and a sign in its place. The female immediately went to look at the sign with the male close behind.

“Catch me if you can you stupid assholes, or get fucked in it.”

A picture of the female getting spanked on the knee with sign of the finger picture next to it and a floating smile. The next thing the male Arrancar knew, her reiatsu exploded like a large pillar of light and she was gone faster than a Sonido yelling ‘I’ll kill you’ it echoing throughout Las Noches.

He ran as fast as he could. Damn it he shouldn’t have run all the way here in the first place. Now he was tired and out of breath. He heard something like a stampede behind him and it was getting louder. Was a bunch of Arrancar coming after him now? He looked behind him and saw nothing but an incoming dust cloud. He reached in his cloak and took out a pair of binoculars (from where who knows) and zoomed in to see what was making the noise. His eyes bulged through the binoculars as it was that Lolita Goth girl from before, her face contorted in rage and pure red. Upon closer inspection, he saw that man with her trying to keep up as she was steady getting closer. He threw them attempting to slow her down which she destroyed with what seemed like a giant yo-yo, and now slammed it down on the ground causing an incoming fissure. He jumped over it for the most part but soon ran into a red pillar stopping him in his tracks. He was no later plowed right through it by the Lolita girl’s punch sailing him through three more walls until he hit a door. Not waiting to see whether she was coming again or not, he ran onwards and yelled as he no longer heard her in triumph. That was until he tripped over a pebble overdramatically rolling and bouncing along the floor running through a wall, his cloak now wrapped around his curled body and he continued to bounce and roll through two more walls before finally pushing through a door.
The occupants of the current room were shocked to say the least. There they were attending another meeting until the door bombards open and what seemed to be a beige ball plow through the ground and hits another pebble which somehow made the ball bounce up high and land with a big bang right on the middle of the table. Nobody moved for a moment as they were still in complete shock. It wasn’t long though as a blue haired man roared in frustration at this incursion.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?”

“Calm down Grimmjow, let someone examine whatever it is and we’ll find out,” Aizen spoke ever calmly and sipped his tea. The blue haired man named Grimmjow looked at Aizen and only wondered strangely.

‘How does he stay so calm even during the most random of moments?’

Nobody seemed brave enough, which was until a man with an exaggerated back collar and an eye patch also got upset and raised.

“Ah you guys are pathetic I’ll open it, stupid bitches.”

No hesitation, well ok he was hesitating and they were smirking. Now look who was pathetic.

“Will you shut the hell up whoever you are?”

Once he unknowingly broke the 4th wall which Aizen made a mental note to ask how he did that, he shakily reached for the beige ball. Wait it wasn’t a ball, it was some sort of clothing obvious from the various folds. He was expecting to see a baby but it was a person in a ragged….shinigami garb? It was a fucking shinigami? He was about to attack it head on, anger visible in every movement making everyone want to see what he was angry about but a horde of those previous men that chased him appeared along with one who was dressed in the same garb but his skull mask had horns that extended out and sideways. Also there was the Lolita girl who none of the current Arrancar that were seated remembered who she was. Lijuan immediately came back to life and tried to jump away but was pin down by now properly identified as a golden yo-yo looped in a whip. Ah so it was the whip that caught he thought. That and a bunch of swords from the four men pinning him down anywhere.

“Aizen-sama, we the Exequias has captured the intruder. What-”

“Don’t listen to him, I single handedly caught the intruder and they are trying to take all the credit at the last minute,” said the girl proudly. Soon it broke into a comedic argument which none of the occupants was trying to comprehend what was going on.

“Whoa, calm down everyone. Let the poor kid go. We have things handled here. I want you Rudobōn to wait outside along with your three Calaveras to await further punishment.

The horned Arrancar known as Rudobōn started to sweat since his face could not be seen.

“B-But Aizen-sama, what for?”

“For not trusting your fellow Espada to handle the situation. They have their titles for a reason, now go.” Oddly as usual, his voice was calm and kind totally contrasting what everyone else was expecting. The girl blew a raspberry (is that what they calling what you do with your tongue) at the sadly retreating Rudobōn and the lesser figures known as Calaveras until she was called to attention.

“Cirucci, you will also wait outside for your punishment. You know you’re not allowed to intrude on an Espada meeting like that. Just because your title has the term Espada in it doesn’t make you one of the 10.” He calmly sipped his tea as her face dropped and those people with actual emotion sniggered at the insult, her face dropping. She was starting to fume but turned heel and stomped outside. Soon you could hear a small argument until they felt an enormous reiatsu forcing them to stop. All attention was directed towards Lijuan again, but he was gone leaving only a familiar silhouette with the same sign but with the blue haired character and the one eyed man getting spanked. This caused them both to go into a rage and Lijuan started to sweat waterfalls at the power released. He tried to open the doors but they wouldn’t budge open. Come on damn it, open up. They were getting closer and he was starting to panic. He started banging on everything he saw, and even tried to punch a hole through the wall. But it didn’t work as he hurt his hand but was whimpering at the incoming foes. He suddenly thought about the hole in the wall he made and ran straight for it only to cry in despair as it was fixed with a sign saying ‘no hole asshole’. He whimpered in a corner and the blue haired man known as Grimmjow jumped headlong at him and started to beat him to a pulp, a dust cloud brought which the one eyed pirate jumped in as well . You can see Lijuan trying to crawl out the dust cloud black eyed and battered but was soon pulled in. His eyes widened as they finally realized they had weapons and reached for them.

“Alright that’s enough you two. You had your fun, now sit down.”

“Tosen-sama, he’s a shinigami, the enemy. Surely you don’t want to waste your hands on such-”

“Are you defying your commander’s orders Grimmjow, Nnoitra?” Finally Aizen’s voice was cold calling attention to the two fighters. They both said nothing and looked at him. He attempted to take another sip but realized it was empty. Understanding their silence, he continued his voice in a calm tone once more. “Please, come back and sit.”

Reluctantly the trudged their bodies back to sit down, leaving an unrecognized Lijuan lying on the floor. “Kaname, may I have some more tea.”

Out of nowhere Kaname was now holding tea pouring it expertly as if he was a butler in Aizen’s cup. “Certainly, Aizen-sama.” Aizen thanked him and Kaname returned to his previous post besides the door. Gin was just smiling all the while at this, it was just too funny. Shocking everybody Lijuan was now crouched on top of the table looking at Aizen with a scrutinized face, examining thoroughly. Aizen only smiled and took another sip of his delicious tea. It was really that good. Shocking everyone even more (except Aizen, Gin and Kaname), he used shunpo as if he had never gotten the shit beaten out of him appearing in front of Kaname, checking him out from head to toe. His eyes were closed as expected. Seems as if Kaname was getting tired of this and opened his eyes in front of Lijuan who soon shunpo’d away. He now was checking out Gin who didn’t mind it at all. Though confused, everyone else watched with anticipation as Lijuan stared intently at the smiling Gin.

“Yo,” Gin said enthusiastically.

“Ah so you aren’t clones after all.” Everyone but the three fell on their face. What the hell, he thought they were? Clone? What a fucking moron this guy was. And here they thought Aizen knew someone cool too. “Then that means…..AIZEN TAICHO!” He ran enthusiastically after tripping over his own feet landing right in front of him? Tai…chou? They were still figuring this out. Well all except for one golden haired person. Did that mean….

Aizen stood up smiling looking down at his previous 3rd seat.

“Lijuan, it’s good to see you. After you ran away I thought you died soon afterwards.”

“Heh, about that, something happened to me, making me incredibly weak and I couldn’t face you nor the rest of the Gotei 13 and ran away in shame. I thought it was the best thing to do.” Ok some of it was partially true, but there were a lot of holes there. He thought only he knew, if only he did indeed know.

“I understand your feelings. Gotei 13 doesn’t accept weaklings in their club and would have banished you for it.”

Lijuan looked a little sheepish about what Aizen just said but didn’t want to rectify him. he didn’t need to know, what he was, was to be kept a secret for now. right now, the objective was to put everyone in a false sense of relief, make him seem like a weakling though he was going to have something good about him.

“Anyway taichou, what are you, Ichimaru-taichou and Tōsen-taichou doing here. aren’t you guys supposed to be in the Soul Society right now looking for hollow to destroy or something?”

“Ah I could as you the same thing Lijuan? What are you doing here?”

That sheepish smile grew across his face as he couldn’t look at his taichou due to the embarrassment.

“Heh, funny story there taichou. You see, I was on earth hooting it up when suddenly a hole ripped in the sky over Cairo, Egypt and a bunch of hollow came out. I defeated them all but I didn’t realize until it was too late that a Gillian was made. It was too strong for me and it was getting beaten. Soon out of nowhere some hollow with a lure sticking out his head, grabbed me while I was severely weakened and dragged me to Hueco Mundo. Yet, like all hollow he was stupid and loosened his grip on me, and I bashed his face in, and tried to go back to the human world but the rip closed and I was forced to come to Hueco Mundo, where I lost the guy. This happened about a month ago.”

“I see, how pathetic. Please refrain from insulting hollow as I also met up with a couple, those being behind me and they’re not as bad as the soul society made out to be. Some has a mind of their own and don’t want to be evil, just their transformation was permanent.”

Lijuan paled as he realized what his taichou said. Oh dear, please don’t let them kill him.

“Since you seemed to be out your comfort zone, how about I give a place to stay.”

Immediately as expected Grimmjow rose up slamming his hands on the table.

“WHAT! How can you give some low life shinigami a place here!? He’s already proven to be extremely weak and is not too bright if he was to get caught by some Privaron Espada.”

“I have to agree with Grimmjow, he’s highly weak and could hinder your plans Aizen-sama” said cool female voice. He turned towards the voice but couldn’t tell. As he observed those in the seats, he saw many of the Espada looking bored, except for one, who was looking directly at him, narrowed green eyes a flair. Ah so that was the person who said that. He couldn’t tell whether it was a male or female, but those were some beautiful emerald eyes. Oh god, please don’t let it be a male.

“I understand your concern. He may not be the most powerful or the most brightest bulb in the box, but he has been a valuable asset to me, and I’d like to keep him around longer to help me with minor inconveniences. Everyone please return to your dormitories as this meeting is over. Dismissed.”

“But we haven’t even spoken about anything. Only thing that got accomplished was the fact that this pipsqueak of a boy flew in and made some noise.”

“Who you calling a pipsqueak you-“

Nnoitra let loose some reiatsu on the boy forcing him to double over. He let up as Lijuan was still bent over ‘trying’ to gain air in his lungs. His power was ‘too’ much.

“Ah but we did complete the discussion. He’s already been accepted and is being situated within Las Noches, I thought I said this already. Though not done exactly on schedule, he came as expected and you know who Lijuan is. Dismissed.”

He turned swiftly the tail of his robe swishing behind him with Lijuan besides him. they were soon joined by Gin and Kaname both on either side.

“So, how long do you plan on hiding your reiatsu Lijuan? What purpose was it to gain no respect on first meet?”

“You know me taichou, got to have the element of surprise, even if among allies.”

“You haven’t seemed to change one bit have you Lijuan?”

“Nope Tosen-taicho.”

“Oh, by the way, this isn’t Soul Society; this is Las Noches, Hueco Mundo. There is no need to call us captains if we are no longer in the Gotei 13.”

“I’ll try tai- err I mean Aizen-san.”

“Now, let us get you some new attire. You’re old one, for the most part seems……expired to say the least.”

“What’s wrong with my garb? Raggedy isn’t cool anymore? I even tore off the sleeves to make myself seem more cooler?”

All three elders sighed at him. What was it with kids and being cool? Was this the new fad or something? Gin only prayed that Sōsuke didn’t say what he thought he would. Sōsuke stopped and raised his head. The spot light was now on him as he looked down at Lijuan his eyes beautifully glistening in the artificial light.

“You can be as cool as you please, but beauty, far surpasses cool?”

Glittery sparkles shone around him mesmerizing any female that would look. Gin mentally groaned as did Kaname. Lijuan on the other hand looked at him with big sparkely eyes, bigger than dinner plates his sparkling stupidly as he stared at his taichou.

“Taichou, that was so cool. Can you show me how to do that?”

“Che, dear child. You can’t teach beauty. Either you have it or you don’t. Now come on, lets get those new clothes for you. You’re current ones are an eyesore.”

Beauty freaks. Well, it didn’t matter. He was safely in Las Noches, has fully infiltrated it. now it was time to destroy the army, gain the power of a Vasto Lorde, and take over the world and….teach the world the value of coolness. Mentally he shot his hand in the air and laughed like a maniac.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing,” he whispered and hurried along.