Leap of Faith

Fandom: Bleach

Title: Leap Of Faith

Rating: PG-13 + or PG-15, I don't really know how the raiting works exactly.

Pairing: HitsuMatsu (my favorite) mentions of Gin/Ran and Hitsu/Momo.

Disclaimer: obviously Bleach and its characters don't belong to me but to Tite Kubo, I'm only borrowing them to made a story for a my own amusement.

Summary: He was used by the one he loves the most. She was alone and desperate to hold on something, anything that would bring some kind of confort. In the end, both of them found each other. ((Okay, I'm not good with summaries))

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Chapter One

The Broken deal

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

They were only fooling around, sharing moments of passion to forget the ones they hold dear, the ones they love.

It was only sex (hot, passionate, tender or wild sex depending on her/his mood) not strings attached, right? Yes, they had agreed it was only sex the moment all the ‘messed’ started.

But like always, Matsumoto Rangiku did something idiotic, daring and unpredictable. Instead of feeling only lust and want, she fell in love with him.

Deeply, madly and truthfully in love with him.

And not the romantic and happily-ever-after kind of love, no. Things in the love department for her were never simple and she knew the kind of love he had awaken in her was the painful, dramatic and full of angst and broken hearts kind of love.

Ise Nanao watched her friend carefully, trying to interpret the conflictive emotions lurking on her face. Rangiku was sitting on her favourite chair at Nanao’s place, the fukutaichou of the eighth division remembered with affection the day Rangiku had brought the chair and installed it in the small living room proclaiming that the chair was necessary for their late girly-chat.

And now, she was sitting on that same chair with an expression Nanao hadn’t seen on her for almost fifty years, the moment when everything between Rangiku and Ichimaru had gone wrong or the day before Ichimaru was executed.

However, this time it wasn’t Ichimaru the cause of her current mood. Rangiku made that clear with her ranting two hours ago, now she remain silent refusing to let the tears in her eyes fall on her cheeks. Who was this new man that was making her suffer again?

Nanao’s fit clenched and she glared at the table in front of her, angry with the man that had made her friend, someone she considered almost a sister, suffered again. To have that look in her eyes again. She promised a world of pain to this man as soon as she found out who he was. And she would make sure that Shunsui help her, not that he need any persuasion.

“It’s not his fault.” Nanao lifted her eyes to meet Rangiku’s; she sent Nanao a mournful smile.

“What?”

“I said is not his fault…I…it was a deal.” Said Rangiku moving a hand to the bridged of her nose, much like Hitsugaya when he felt an approaching migraine.

“But…deal? What deal are you talking about Rangiku? What could possible…how...” Nanao sighed frustrate when she couldn’t find the right words to ask what she wanted to know.

“I guess…I guess you deserve the whole story, right?” once again that excuse for a smile appeared on her face but Nanao didn’t say anything she only nodded her head and signalled Rangiku to start telling her the whole story.


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She remembered rain.

Yes, it had been a rainy day and it was going to be a rainy night.

She could hear the wind blowing violently outside, the sound of thunder, the light from the thunderbolts and the sound of rain falling strongly on the roof. And it was cold. Freezing cold inside her place.

That day two years ago the winter war had come to an end. Gin and Tousen were captured while Aizen had disintegrated under the pressure of Byakuya, Ichigo, Toshiro and Shinji’s attack. Things happened in a blurry after their defeating. There was a big commemoration from the lives lost and a party for the victory.

It was a year later after the war when the sentence of Gin and Tousen took place. They were going to be executed publicly; but during that year Matsumoto had gone to Gin a few times. Sometimes she would talk to him and he to her, others they would fall into an uncomfortable silence and the pain Rangiku felt, the pain of the treason, of the loneliness of the unrequited love she felt for him came to her like a wave of cold water to hurt her in unthinkable ways.

And just when she thought there wasn’t anything else left for them to be said, the day before his execution he called her. Nanao and Shunsui had been reluctant because they had seen the damage those visits to Ichimaru did to Rangiku. But he insisted and Rangiku asked for that final meeting, for a definite closure.

She stood in front of the man who had saved her life when she was a child, the man who had been her family, her lover, her world. Nothing was said for a long time until Gin took a step forward and caressing softly her cheek he said those words. The three words she long to hear from her since she met him, since she had said them to him all those years ago, all the nights they shared together.

“I love you” his tone, the look in his eyes and then…the movement of his lips against hers, that memory would always be attached to her. Those words had brought happiness to her heart but as soon as that happiness had appeared it was replaced by pain…so much pain.

He was gone and the hole he had filled in her heart for so many years was empty at the realization that they would never see each other again, that he had uttered those words too late.

And realization hit her heart when she opened her eyes to see into Gin’s the undeniable true: Rangiku would never be love the way he had love her. She was alone.

And while she was crying alone in her quarters, because she refused to let anyone else see the pain she was in, her taichou was finally having his happy ending.

Another thunder woke her from her reverie and she noticed with anger the tears in her eyes. The memories never left her even though Gin had been dead for over a year.

With decision and resolution she wiped the tears away, stood up and decided to go to the office. There was always something to do there and she could use the distraction, besides her stack of sake was in the office and she knew her taichou wouldn’t be there.

Looking up in the sky she decided to run under the rain to the tenth division barracks while her mind drifted for a moment to her taichou and a small sincere smile appeared on her face. At least one of them would have a happily-ever-after.

For two years Hitsugaya Toshiro had been…dating Hinamori Momo. Depending on who you ask, some would say he was babysitting Hinamori after another break down when she was told about Aizen’s death. Others would say that it was bound to happen sooner or later, Hitsugaya’s love for Hinamori was so obvious…and the girl, well, she only needed the right person to help her out of her depression over Aizen and who better than Hitsugaya Toshiro.

Now they were a couple, the cutest couple in Soul Society; and if Matsumoto had heard well early that day her taichou was going to ask Hinamori to marry him.

That’s why Rangiku was surprise to find her taichou in their office with all the lights off, sitting on his chair looking outside the window with what seemed a glass full of something in his right hand.

For a moment she thought maybe she had interrupt something, maybe Hinamori was about to arrive and the office was the place her taichou had chosen for his proposal. But the freezing atmosphere inside the room was painful and she had come to identify that kind of cold as a sign of her taichou’s mood. He only hurt with his cold reiatsu when he was angry, frustrated or depress.

He never turned around to acknowledge her and after a moment of hesitation Rangiku entered the room embracing herself when the cold hit her wet clothes. Rangiku looked around the room while making her way to the desk and to her taichou. She noticed an amber liquid on his glass and a bottle with the same liquid on the desk.

As she neared Toshiro the smell of alcohol reached her nose and she couldn’t help but opened her eyes in surprise when she realized that the liquid was some kind of alcoholic drink. Her taichou didn’t drink!! She knew this because he always rejects her invitations!

“I hate sake” his voice startled her and she wonder if she had made her commented out loud until she noticed his teal eyes looking directly at hers. “It’s too sweet, too soft for my taste…I prefer Scotch or Vodka. Now those are good drinks.”

Her taichou knew about them? Where the hell did he get that information? Did he really drink Whisky and Vodka?

But she could mused about those questions later and even pester her taichou to tell her why they were better than sake. She had another thing to deal with first.

“Taichou…” her voice had come out soft and tentative, trying to choose the right question and approach so he would say what was troubling him.

Because there was something going on with him, the look in his eyes was heartbreaking. Toshiro frowned when he recognized Rangiku’s look, he turned around emptied in one gulp his glass ignoring his fukutaichou while he poured more whisky in the glass.

“Taichou, what happened?” she finally asked and immediately regretted the question when Toshiro’s hand closed strongly around the glass and the heartbreaking look was once again in his eyes.

Nothing was said for a long moment and Rangiku bit her lower lip wondering what to do, she knew she couldn’t leave him alone, even if he never admit it or acknowledge it, she knew he didn’t want to be alone. He was in the same state she was earlier in.

“Sit.” Once again his voice startled her but when she turned to look at him his eyes were focus on the window. She brought her chair to his side and sat there trying to identify his emotions and the probable cause of them.

“I heard once that drinking alone isn’t a good thing” he said turning to her and Rangiku was trying to decipher the smirked he sent his way. “Why don’t you bring one of the million bottles of sake you had hidden in the office and drink with me?”

“Why don’t you give me a little of your drink, Taichou?” she said eyeing the bottle greedily, Toshiro snorted and shook his head.

“I don’t share. Go.” Matsumoto was tempted to whine and insist but decide against it, instead she move to the closest book shelve and put a bottle out of some book and sat once again beside her taichou.

It wasn’t until after the third glass of whisky and her third bottle of sake that he spoke. “I was about to propose to her when she broke up with me.”

Matsumoto choke on the sake she was drinking at hearing the news, she turned to him with shocked written in her eyes. “Why?”

“She is cured.” He hissed out with content anger and sadness. “she…she thank me for my attentions, for being with her all this time, for dating her, for making love to her…but now that she is cure she doesn’t need me”

Matsumoto sat there dumbstruck not believing completely what her taichou had just told her. It sound as if…

“She used me.” He said and Rangiku’s thoughts were confirmed. “She laughed at me and told me if I really believe that our relationship was a serious one…and when I said nothing she told me she was relief that I didn’t because she could never see me with that kind of love, never.”

“she is cured and doesn’t need me for …for…and I was only…nothing” His next move was unexpected, he throw the glass in his hand against the closest wall and the glass was already ice when he made contact with the wall, his chair had fallen with a loud bang when he stood up and the cold in the room intensified.

For the first time ever she saw him cry.

She hesitated for a moment, never before she had seen him so weak, so defeat and something inside her stir at his suffering and a part of her wanted to kill Hinamori for doing this to Toshiro. Another part felt sympathy because she knew what it was like to be left alone and empty by an unrequited love.

He never saw her coming but he certainly felt her arms wrapped around him and hugged him against her. This time his head wasn’t between her breasts but at the crook of her neck and this time there wasn’t any trace of cocky smile from his part at the fact that he was taller than before, maybe not as tall as her but at least her breast weren’t such a hazard anymore.

And in her warm embrace he cried and the only indication of this were the wetness Rangiku was feeling against her neck and her arms tight around him, trying to bring comfort to him and her.

Hitsugaya didn’t stay there for too long, he moved away from Rangiku’s embrased, angry at his weakness but grateful towards his fukutaichou who never let a single trace of pity or patronizing expression showed In her face as if he was a child. Matsumoto had never done it, maybe when she wanted to irritate him or was fooling around, but never when things were serious. He was grateful she was the one who found him in that state.

“Let’s go.” Rangiku’s expressionless face turned to one of puzzlement at Toshiro’s words.

“Go? Where?”

“You were thinking about him again.” He mumbled and a sad smile appeared on his face when Rangiku’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “You always had…that feeling around you when you think about him.”

“Feeling? Taichou, what are you talking about?”

“You’re reiatsu; it always feels different, miserable when…” Toshiro trailed off and Rangiku saw his hands closed in a tight fit. “Let’s go…I need...We need to distract ourselves.”

“But Taichou is raining!! And I’m soaking wet!!” she whined, Toshiro rolled his eyes but when his teal ones found Rangiku’s she understood. They were in pain but neither of them wanted to let the feeling overwhelmed them at the moment.

“That’s why going out there is not going to be a problem for you.” He said turning around and walking towards the door. “Move it Matsumoto. This is a direct order. We are going to enjoy the raining night, oh and bring my drink and yours.”

She only hesitate for a second, her lips curled upwards in a cynic smile while her hand closed around the bottle of whisky and a bottle of sake and she followed her taichou outside to the rain.

And even though he was suffering and heartbroken Rangiku couldn’t do less but admire him because he was once again her taichou. Cold, calm and mature.

From there things had gone…to hell? To heaven? To purgatory?

She didn’t know, she drink like she had never done before and her taichou was beside her doing the same, the memories of that night were blurry and the only thing left were sensations, feelings and one hell of a hangover.

They woke up naked in his quarters, on his bed. The headache, dry throats and dizziness stronger than the embarrassment.

They didn’t see each other until later that day when Hitsugaya appeared impeccable dressed and without a trace of hangover or a sign of the activities that took place the night before.

Well, that wasn’t completely true. He did blush a little when she direct him a knowing smile and his blush didn’t disappeared but rather intensified when he told her of his intentions. She teased him but accepted his invitation to dinner.

The sex they had last night was just that, sex. Nothing else and nothing more she accept and understood it and deep down she knew her Taichou knew that as well. So the invitation to dinner was a pleasant surprise but also something she had expected.

Regardless of his feelings and how much he had change the last two years, he was still a gentleman and he didn’t do things in a ‘spur of the moment’. He usually thought before acting, so different from Rangiku who enjoy things happening out of the blue, who welcomed those ‘spur of the moment’ things, who didn’t plan anything at all and certainly never organized anything.

So, they went for dinner. Toshiro told her about Hinamori and how he had evaded her all day, Hinamori was looking for him so they could have a ‘pick-nick’ or something like that. Matsumoto noticed he was hurt, but whether he was hurt for Hinamori looking for him or because they girl either didn’t realized how much he love her or what she had done last night, Matsumoto didn’t know.

During dinner he apologized for his actions last night, but he told her he didn’t regret one single thing.

“You don’t have to blush, Taichou” she had teased and he had blushed harder and glared at her before diverting his eyes. This caught Rangiku’s curiosity because his blush intensified and the shyness and innocence he once had a long time ago was back.

“I don’t regret what happened last night…and I’m beyond caring about what happen from now on. I…I’m still hurt and miserable.” He said in a soft whisper. Then he lifted his eyes and locked them with hers and there was nothing. His eyes were dead, they had lost that special gleam they once had and Matsumoto cursed silently the girl that had dare to take it away from her taichou.

“And I know this is not, that you…you’re a wonderful woman, Matsumoto.”

There was a long moment of silence which Toshiro spent playing with the fork he had in his hand with his eyes looking intently at the object. Matsumoto didn’t know what to think of his words and his sudden silence. This was so unlike her taichou and it was unsettling and infuriating because he was the only person she had, the only one who help her hold onto sanity and not let the memories consumed her.

And now he was as broken as her.

Whatever he planned to say, because he looked as if he wanted to add something to his earlier comment died off on his lips before he could even uttered a single word.

Matsumoto was about to ask what it was when the high pitched scream of a familiar voice called her attention and made her blood boiled in anger.

“Shiro-chan!!! Shiro-chan, I look for you today all day! Where were you?” said Hinamori Momo with a barely noticeable frown over her happy expression, behind her was Kira who was looking everywhere but at the table where Matsumoto and Toshiro were sitting.

“I had some important things to do.” He mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. Hinamori said something else but Matsumoto wasn’t focus on her words, she was more interest in the aspect her taichou was showing right now.

He was pale, his eyes were expressionless and they lack the same gleam and energy she was so used to, his whole body had tense up and she felt the familiar cold hurting her skin. Looking at Hinamori that was babbling happily at him Matsumoto noticed the girl hadn’t taken noticed of Toshiro’s state.

“You broke up with him last night!” Hinamori shut up immediately and turned to Matsumoto opened-eyed at the anger in Rangiku’s voice.

“Yes.” Was all Momo say. “But, it was bound to happen! I know it seems bad that I’m dating now Kira-kun, but I promised you Rangiku-san that it was an agreement between Shiro-Chan and me! You didn’t tell her, Shiro-chan?”Chided Hinamori at his friend before flashing him a brilliant smile.

Matsumoto sat there opened mouthed at Momo’s words, when she turned her eyes at Kira he noticed that the blond had a blush in his face but he also was sending her an apologetic glance. She will deal with Kira later, right now she need to get her taichou out of there before he broke down in front of Hinamori.

“Well, I guess I just need to update my gossip.” Said Matsumoto through clenched teeth. “Look at the time!! Taichou we need to go! See you, Hinamori, Kira.”

She didn’t give them time of nothing, in less than a minute they were out of the restaurant and running down an alley. She squeezed her Taicho’s hand strongly and stopped at some point to look at him.

“Thank you.” Was all he mumbled while he locked eyes with Matsumoto. The woman smile weakly at him and suddenly she found herself pinned against the wall with a pair of lips against her own.

She was caught by surprise at the sudden aggressiveness from her taichou and it took some time from her to react to his kiss and let him have his way when she felt the wetness in his cheeks.

“Sorry I…” he said breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against Rangiku’s shoulder.

Rangiku couldn’t help but think how familiar that same scene was, how she and Gin had found themselves in the same situation once. In an alley, he kissing her forcefully and then asking for forgiveness before leaving her there alone and cold.

“I think is better if I leave.” He said and Matsumoto’s heart clenched painfully at his words, she wrapped her arms around his waist afraid of a repeat performance of the past.

“Why?” she finally asked, she knew what would happen if he stayed and she knew it wasn’t fair. For neither of them. Last night had been okay, he wasn’t…extraordinary but he didn’t lack ability and it was a good way to forget and to feel again.

But it wasn’t fair because she didn’t want to use her taichou and she was sure her taichou didn’t want to use her.

“Does it matter?” he finally said moving a hand to his hair and letting out a frustrated sigh. She noticed it then how desperate he was, how he was climbing desperately to hold onto something, whatever to hold still to make the pain he was feeling go away.

Just like she had tried when Gin died, when Gin had said those words to her, when she remember all the nights he made her his and the nights she had to face alone. And the pain was back and was overwhelming and was unbearable.

“Yes, it does.” She said and her answer made him looked up, which was what Rangiku wanted. As soon as he lifted his face she captured his lips with hers and they started kissing all over again.

“I…I don’t want to ruin…our friendship.” He said between kisses.”You’re my only friend Matsumoto.”

“You don’t love me and I don’t love you.” she said bluntly, “Our hearts, whether we like it or not, belong to others, right?”

They stopped for a moment and Toshiro looked at Matsumoto with serious and sad eyes. “Yes, that’s right”

In a second they both made their decision and did something that in other circumstances would never have happened. And they both found themselves not really caring because this could be a little relief, a little something to help them forget, besides this couldn’t be worse than Momo rejecting and using Toshiro when said boy was deeply in love with her or all those times Gin left her alone after she give herself to him and Gin leaving forever after finally telling Rangiku that he did love her.

Nothing could be worse than the pain they both were feeling right at the moment.

That’s how everything started.

They were two broken souls looking for something to hold onto, to feel again. Or so Haineko said to her once.

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Nanao didn’t know what to think or even what to say, the way Rangiku was telling her story…it couldn’t be…and yet…it made perfect sense.

“I’m such a fool.” Said Rangiku turning to Nanao who was still looking at her astonished. “I promised myself I would never let anyone come closer enough to hurt me…and this had to happen. Someone must really hate me.”

Nanao thought for a moment her words before breaking her silence, “I can’t say I know Hitsugaya-taichou that well, I came to really know him after and during the winter war. I was there when he finally told us that he and Hinamori-fukutaichou had broken up.”

Matsumoto snorted at Nanao’s commented, a proof that he was still in love with Hinamori was the way he confirmed Hinamori’s side of the story. It had been a common agreement between them; after all they weren’t so in love as they thought they were.

Matsumoto knew Ukitake and Kyouraku didn’t believe one word, but strangely enough they didn’t pressure him into telling them the real reason. And Kyouraku had said to her that it was because Ukitake and him believe Hitsugaya would say it eventually and he had a good friend and fukutaichou beside him to support him.

“And what Shunsui told me…I guess he and Ukitake-taichou were right.” Matsumoto hid her smile at Nanao’s way to address Kyouraku and she sighed happy that her friend at least had said yes to Kyouraku, they made a cute couple.

“Nanao, you can’t tell anyone about this!”

“Of course not! I’m not going to say anything but…oh, Rangiku you have tell me how your…affair with Hitsugaya-taichou started but not how you fall in love with him.”

“Where should I start?” mumbled Rangiku with a finger on her chin. “Maybe telling you that after a while he became extraordinary in bed.”

Nanao blushed slightly while Rangiku sent her a small smirked, “maybe telling you how tender and affectionate he could be. And I not mean only in bed, as surprising as this must sound after a month sex wasn’t the only thing we started to share.”

“What do you mean?”

“We started talking but it wasn’t like before…our talks became more intimate and meaningful.” Nanao watched as her friend focus her attention in some kind of memory than only her could see, and the smile that appeared in her face, her dazed expression and the soft blush on her cheeks were all indicators of the truthfulness of her feelings.

And while Rangiku was remembering Nanao had to wonder why. It wasn’t like Hitsugaya-taichou to do something like that, she understood he was in pain but to have meaningless sex and a rough and erratic relationship with his fukutaichou…it was difficult to believe.

Rangiku woke up from her daydream, “we shared our past and our hobbies. He took me to places I had never been to and speak to me in languages I didn’t know. There are a lot of reasons Nanao. But I can’t tell you exactly how it happened.” Matsumoto knew that was a lie, she remembered how and why but it was the kind of memory you didn’t share with anyone it was to precious to her.

“You really love him.” Said Nanao, it was statement more than a question, but Rangiku nodded her head. “He is the one you’ve been crying over this last weeks.”

Again another statement and another nod, “like I said I don’t know Hitsugaya-taichou that well but…He is not like that! How can you be so sure he isn’t in love with you? That he doesn’t harboured the same feelings you have for him?”

Nanao had to give her friend hope, she had to help Rangiku to obtain what she want, what little happiness she could get. Only then Nanao realized how far away from Rangiku she was, how involved in her own life she had been that she forgot her best friend, if she had paid more attention she was sure that something like that would have never go unnoticed to her.

Rangiku sighed tiredly and stood up glancing over the clock on the wall. “I just know Nanao, please…I told you this because you asked and I guess you deserved an explanation from my recent behaviour, but do not insist. I just…it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Of course it matter!” said Nanao more forcefully that she mean it, Rangiku smiled and Nanao straight herself up and clear her throat. “It matters Rangiku.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet Nanao! I’m so happy to have you as a friend!” exclaimed Rangiku hugging her friend, Nanao smiled weakly at her. “Don’t worry about me, I feel better already. I guess I have to say this to one person that may understand. But you have to promise me to never say anything about it or to insist that I should tell anything to my Taichou.”

“But Rangiku…”

“Promise me Nanao, Taichou should never know and I know it would just ruin our…” Matsumoto hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Our friendship.”

“No, Rangiku why would he be tender and affectionate towards you? Why would he have intimate and meaningful talks with you?” questioned Nanao not able to contain herself. “It may have started as only sex but …I mean, why would Hitsugaya-taichou do something like that? Why would you? Is not like you or like Hitsugaya-taichou to do something like this!”

A long silence followed Nanao’s words, the woman was looking at Rangiku whose face had softened and tears were welling up in her eyes. However, Rangiku stood straight and proud and she wipe the tears away.

“Nanao,” said Rangiku turning her eyes to her and smiling sadly at her friend. “Never underestimate desperation, loneliness and hopelessness…those feelings are strong enough to drag people straight to hell.” And with that she left.

Nanao took a hand to her glasses and took them off to wipe away the tears there. How could she oversee the real feelings of Rangiku? How could she not notice how lonely she had felt since Gin’s death? And now…she needed to do something, she couldn’t let Rangiku suffered all over again for someone that may or could love her back better than Gin.


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So, I had this in my computer and decided to post it. It's un-beta, so if anyone out there reads it, I apologize for the grammar and spelling mistakes. This is the first chapter.

I would love to hear your opinios so reviews are very welcome.