Humble Shopkeeper

AN: Don't forget to review!

Chapter 1: Bloody Blatant Blackmail

Urahara looked at the young man from behind his fan, realizing that if there was ever a good moment to start on his plan, it had just arrived. Everybody would be going away for awhile and that gave him just enough intimacy and just enough time to set some things if not right, then better than they would otherwise be.

“Kurosaki-san, please stay behind.”

Ichigo turned, oblivious to the life-altering moment that was about to occur. Most people don't see things coming at them, realizing that they had been decisive moments when they were going away.

“Huh? Yeah, sure. What do you want me for?”

“There's some things we need to discuss.”

“Whatever you say, Urahara.”

So he'd stayed behind. And the shopkeeper wondered how to better express the seriousness and direction of his apparent intentions. Well, there was always a way, he supposed, so he started walking in a direction opposite to the one in which everybody else was going, not necessarily wanting to get anywhere, but wishing to stall for time until they were out of the way.

//////////////////////////

It's amazing how fast your opinion of a man can change when his lips are on your own, Ichigo thought. He'd felt up until that moment that Urahara was a very helpful, strange sort of shopkeeper with some -perhaps- perverted tendencies, but this was way beyond anything that he had expected. He realized, with some annoyance, that everybody else in the Urahara Shop was away on business, that Renji and Rukia were back in Soul Society and generally nobody was supposed to come by anytime soon. Not that it mattered much when he reacted.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing, bastard?” he cried, pulling away from Urahara, who smiled and hid his face behind his fan.

“Making my intentions clear, so there would be no mistake in our negotiations, Kurosaki-san.”

Making intentions clear?.... There was only one way to express his full opinion on the current event. “What the....”

“Please, do sit down, Kurosaki-san. This is abot the gate to Hueco Mundo.”

“What the fuck does it have to do with kissing?” Ichigo felt this was an entirely legitimate question. An infuriatingly legitimate question. And was he the only one who'd seen that? Felt that? Urahara was acting much too calm, maybe he'd imagined it or something. He needed to check, to make sure that his imagination hadn't gone completely off the rocker and gotten him totally insane out of nowhere.

“I will explain shortly.”

“Well, do so already! You can't just kiss somebody and then go around acting all natural!”

“My apologies.” So it had been real. Ichigo wondered just what on the fuck was wrong with Urahara.

The shopkeeper fluttered his fan, apparently pausing for dramatic effect. Well, he'd already gotten that. If there would have been some more dramatic effect, Ichigo would have done what he should've done from the beginning and go all Vizard on him. And then he found that they were suddenly walking around some more, as if there was nothing more in Urahara's brain than a weird gesture and a lot of leisurely putting one foot in front of the other. They climbed up the stairs to the house and went to an almost barren room. Urahara remained calm. Ichigo remained pissed and more than a little confused. But much more pissed than anything. You didn't just jump and kiss somebody, dammit! Especially not somebody of your own gender!

“It is possible for me to open a gate to Hueco Mundo without much difficulty.”

“Yeah, so?” And what the bleep did it have to do with kissing him?

“But now only you and me know that, Kurosaki-san. It is indeed very easy for me to pretend that I am not succeeding in my attempts.”

Urahara paused, waving his fan gently, expecting Ichigo to react, as if he'd said something as casual as "would you like some tea?" The boy's eyes narrowed. He didn't particularly like the way this was heading. Not at all.

“What are you saying?”

“That I need some … payment for my struggles, Kurosaki-san. And, as I have stated through my actions just now, I find myself capable of considering a sort of payment that would suit me quite well. It so happens, Kurosaki-san, that I have been harbouring a certain sort of attraction towards you for quite some time now.”

Quite some time now? Attraction? Ichigo couldn't quite believe his ears. “What the-?!”

“I know that it is homosexual in nature and I am aware that it might also mean I am a pedophile, but I simply cannot convince myself to care, Kurosaki-kun.”

Ichigo tried to decide whether he was more upset or disturbed by the whole situation. It was eerie, like a squid deciding to talk and declaring that it had always wanted to make out with your sister. It was outrageous, like a teacher betraying your confidence and trying to get you into bed - hey, wait....

He also noticed that Urahara had a tendency to say his name a lot that day and it felt particularly disturbing. Kurosaki-san up, Kurosaki-san down, like a weird incantation designed to make him give in to the man. Frankly, he had no idea what to say right now, because it isn't every day that some disturbed shopkeeper whom you had trusted up until then comes to you and says something that...

“Urahara Kisuke,” he said back, giving him a taste of his own medicine. “Are you drunk? Drugged? Is that a Compact Soul in your gigai?” Or are you just happy to see me, his mind supplied, unhelpfully. Ichigo banished the thought before mental images started going weird.

“It is me. And I am quite sane and sober, Kurosaki-kun.”

“Fuck off, Urahara. I'm not into that sort of thing. With other guys especially.”

Ichigo rose to leave. Urahara remained sitting and the boy was really happy for that. He just wanted to go away and pretend this had never happened. Maybe it hadn't happened, maybe this was all some sort of fucked up dream. He made a few steps and was almost out the door before he heard Urahara's worried voice behind him.

“I'm afraid I can't open the gates to Hueco Mundo, Kurosaki-kun. It is beyond my abilities. Maybe Soul Society would be willing to help you? In fact, I think I might have to close business here for awhile and try to regain my lost powers and some of my experiments. My, my, I'm such a useless old man.”

Ichigo froze. Urahara's tone was convincing - not for him, but quite possibly for others, who wouldn't know about this whole discussion, who would think that even the shopkeeper had his limits, that his research could fail, or be slow, that he could despair. His complaints seemed much more real than the truth of him being able to achieve most of what everybody in Soul Society needed that could be handled from the real world.

“You bastard,” Ichigo turned towards him. “You can't possibly do that to us. Not now. You know we can't get any help from Soul Society.”

“My, my, Kurosaki-kun, really? I am so sorry for it, then.” And he was such a bloody good actor, eyes apologetic from behind the fan that Ichigo just wanted to rip away.

“Bastard.”

“But I might recover my powers.”

“What the fuck do you want, Urahara?”

“A chance, Kurosaki-kun.”

“A chance to what?”

The eyes looked at him from between the hat and the fan, dark, lusty, dangerous and Ichigo felt discomforted, suddenly wondering what the man's bankai was and if he had any chance to defeat him if the entire day took a turn towards nightmare land. He needed to get to Hueco Mundo and get Inoue. He needed a gate for that. Soul Society wasn't going to offer it, as they knew. Could anybody else open it? Blackmail. He couldn't believe Urahara would resort to blackmail, of all things, that the man in front of him, who'd helped him for so long for so little now wanted a hell of a price for his services and Ichigo was quite sure he didn't want to give it. He was quite sure that he didn't want to hear the answer to his own question, either. Urahara was a dangerous, sly sort of person and you never knew exactly what he was aiming at.

“A chance to fuck you and make you like it, Kurosaki-san.”

////////////////////////////

AN: Like? Don't like? Review/flame. Please. I like either.