Breaking the Hornet

"...Absolutely not."

Kisuke Urahara cocked an eyebrow as the head of the Second Divison turned away sharply, arms defiantly folded across her chest. If he knew anything at all about Soifon, it was when she'd made her mind up. Still, nothing could be lost by pressing her a bit more.

"All I'm saying is that if you insist on coming to my home and pestering Yoruichi, while treating ME with as much contempt as you do, then perhaps there's an arrangement that could be--"

"I'm NOT. Sharing her. With you." Gray eyes sparkled dangerously in the light of the Urahara Shoten's living room. "And certainly NOT in the same bed, if you're indeed suggesting what I THINK you are." Anyone else would have been intimidated by that icy stare, but not Kisuke. He only shrugged, his smile seemingly pleasant and yet slightly condescending. He'd seen enough of this girl's incessant infatuation, and while it might have been cruel, it was better to wipe away her childish illusions now then let her fester any longer that she had already.

"You may think she loves you, but we both know you're only fooling yourself, Soifon-chan. Yoruichi might fuck you on her whims, but there's a reason she stays with me." Soifon seemed to flinch a bit at the obscenity and her cheeks reddened just a little at the implication, but her pride wouldn't let her just take that as a dismissal.

"Like what?" She spat the last word out, eyes burning, fingers flexing beside Suzumebachi at her back, ready to slice the impudent ex-Captain in two if he dared besmirch Yoruichi-sama's (or her) honor with his vulgarity any further.

Kisuke was quiet at first, but when he finally responded a hint of a smirk flickered on his lips.

"Would you like to see for yourself?"

"...What do you mean?" Soifon relaxed slightly, though her face relayed constant suspicion. That moment of hesitation was all Kisuke needed.

"Let's try... a different sort of arrangement, Soifon. As I said, there are things I can do to Yoruichi that you just... well, can't or won't do. So what better way to determine their value than to experience them firsthand? Let me put it simply," he added before Soifon had a chance to protest.

"...You agree to be at my mercy for one week-- doing no more or less than I did to Yoruichi-- and if you can still resist (Soifon actually huffed with her eyes rolled at that) by the time it's over... Yoruichi's all yours. If not, you agree to stop invading my privacy and wait patiently for when she decides she's in the mood to play with her Little Bee. I think that's reasonable, don't you?"

Soifon didn't say anything for a while. Her immediate instinct was that he was joking-- as if she'd let the bastard who stole her Yoruichi-sama away do ANYTHING to her for seven whole days. But even so, the prospect of Yoruichi with her, no questions asked...

"What makes you think Yoruichi-sama would agree to this...wager?" she queried suspiciously. Kisuke confidently noted that she hadn't outright refused, but said nothing.

"Believe it or not, she's the one who came up with this. She's been eager to see how far her Little Bee would go for her, in fact."

It was the cavalier way in which he'd used her pet name-- the one that only Yoruichi was ever allowed to call her, ever, and he'd done it twice tonight-- that pushed her to a decision.

"...Alright. Deal." As much as the thought of doing... that... with Kisuke Urahara disgusted her... the promise of Yoruichi was worth it. A century was nothing compared to a week, after all.

"Excellent!" Kisuke grinned, adjusting the wide hat on his head as he led the Captain out. "We'll start tomorrow evening, then-- Tessai's taking the little ones into the city and won't be back until the day after."

Soifon only grimaced as she stepped into the street, knowing she had only her foolish pride to blame as she opened a portal back to Soul Society.