schedule
August 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Woo for "messy"!!!! I can handle it.
schedule
August 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Loved it! Absolutely loved it! Does that make me a bad person? Lol! Kidding. I can't wait to see how he reacts and the next confrontation between Hichigo and Orihime. Thanks!
schedule
August 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I love the beginning of this chapter where you describe Inoue's realization of the (meaningless?) routine that her life has become, but so slowly she didn't realize it right away: "in the inside she had been dying for a long time. It had just taken her a while to realize that she was lonely". LOVE it.
I think your story is well done so far, but I feel compelled to point out a pet peeve of mine which you did in Ch 1 (and happily didn't repeat in this second chapter). Your story will flow so much better if you don't try to come up with creative ways to avoid saying the character's name (e.g. "the Karate Adept" for Tatsuki). Ugh, it is so awkward it makes me cringe. You're certainly not the only author to use this tactic but I would recommend trying to avoid that. Maybe it's a personal style thing but I think using such phrases really shows a less experienced writer. Otherwise, nice job so far.
I love a good Orihime/hollow ichigo pairing, but I hope he won't be too cruel (e.g. causing her lasting physical damage/death). And I wonder how this will work when (if?) Ichigo resurfaces (will he know what his other side has done? will there be a winner of the internal battle?)
I think your story is well done so far, but I feel compelled to point out a pet peeve of mine which you did in Ch 1 (and happily didn't repeat in this second chapter). Your story will flow so much better if you don't try to come up with creative ways to avoid saying the character's name (e.g. "the Karate Adept" for Tatsuki). Ugh, it is so awkward it makes me cringe. You're certainly not the only author to use this tactic but I would recommend trying to avoid that. Maybe it's a personal style thing but I think using such phrases really shows a less experienced writer. Otherwise, nice job so far.
I love a good Orihime/hollow ichigo pairing, but I hope he won't be too cruel (e.g. causing her lasting physical damage/death). And I wonder how this will work when (if?) Ichigo resurfaces (will he know what his other side has done? will there be a winner of the internal battle?)