Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of its characters. They belong to Tite Kubo and whoever else actually owns it and I make no money from writing this. This story however is mine and is not to be replicated, reposted, or copied in any way without my consent. Thank you.
…
What's In A Date?
…
Ichigo awoke to the dawn of a new day after only a precious few hours of sleep. He knew Unohana had seen him last night, or this morning, he honestly couldn't remember. Time seemed to lose all value without Tatsuki around anymore. He didn't linger on that thought too long, because he knew he had to get up for school.
In the words of Garfield the cat:
I hate Mondays, he thought with a groan, which turned louder as he realized his traitorous body had once again given him something over the course of the night he couldn't do anything about. What he knew he
could do he wasn't about to though, it too had lost any appeal in comparison to Tatsuki, not like he would know though. He had had to put up with the mention of it in Sex Ed, but other than that he was a
total virgin until he and Tatsuki's first experience together. Then again, the only reason for that had been an utter shift in priorities during the height of his years of puberty. Even for a teenage boy, things trying to kill you tended to override hormones.
His body was aching, absolutely aching. It wasn't an exaggeration to say that
every part of his body was hurting from either exhaustion or withdrawal and he wasn't in the most benevolent mood at all. He knew the exhaustion was all self-inflicted, and so he couldn't blame anyone for it, and there
was an upside. He had learned almost everything he would need to know for medical school within a week, though he highly doubted that he would be going to the Living World's equivalent at this point. The Fourth Division had all but completely adopted him in the time he had been there, and just from Hanatarou's amount of expertise in the field, he knew he still had a long way to go. He
had progressed rather impressively though, and it was all thanks to the Fourth Squad and, as surprising as it was, his damn Hollow.
So far he had only learned the basics for the medicinal application of reiatsu, but he had more time after school had ended for that. He had this next week to study for finals and after that he could finally say goodbye to that God-forsaken place. Still, he had the nagging feeling he was forgetting something…
He looked down at his watch as he strapped it into place on his wrist.
And suddenly everything clicked into place.
All his aches and pains, and even his own stress and need of relief, suddenly vanished completely. Melancholy settled over him like an old friend and his pulsing heart, trembling in anticipation of seeing his fiancé, died down to a gentle patter. He had never known his body to relax so quickly before, but it shouldn't have surprised him. His mind—which had been formulating all the different things he could do to his lover when he finally got some alone time with her—had since done a complete one-eighty and was now focused completely on something else, the thing farthest away from lovemaking.
June Sixteenth.
He showered, dressed—that was another saving grace since the heatwave had yet to end, the school had allowed the students to go back to just their standard white shirts and grey slacks. Naturally, Ichigo chose to wear his open with a black t-shirt under it—and grabbed a piece of toast before walking to school wordlessly.
It was going to be a long day.
…
Tatsuki had nothing against wedding planning; in fact, she found it wasn't that bad, especially when she had lots of other women there with her to help her. Some of the details had managed to go horribly wrong in the process however, and she was dreading telling Ichigo about those. Days seemed to go by at a snail's pace since said fiancé had been torn from her side, and then there was the fact that her nether-regions had been screaming at her for some attention for the past week. She had only lasted a
week before that itch had started becoming unbearable and sitting through the next week of the planning sessions had become pure torture.
She knew—thanks to a very embarrassing class given to every high-schooler—that Ichigo was likely going through the same thing. She knew he had shown none of the signs over the entire time she had
ever known him, but then again she hadn't been bothered by these urges too noticeably until after their joining either. She
was supposed to be a tomboy after all.
She didn't dwell on it too much, as the night's rest had been well earned and she had enjoyed it to the fullest. On the other hand, it was Monday, and that meant she had to get up for school. There was only a few short days left until school was over, and she couldn't wait.
As she dressed, ate, and left for school, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was forgetting something…
…
The students piled into the classroom before the bell rang to split into their respective groups and talk to each other about the weekend's events. It was like any normal school day before the year ended. Everyone was excitable and rambunctious, more so than usual. Even though many were still sulking over another weekend being over, the promise of a never-ending vacation—and sadly, the beginning of their life at work—did dull that slightly.
It was truly like any other day, and when Ichigo walked in and Keigo immediately rushed up to him in common Keigo manner with his annoying greeting of the day, five people knew something was wrong right away.
"Ichi~~goooooooooooo!" Keigo cried as he ran up excitedly, but the usual clothes-line, punch, or act of harm in general never came. Instead he
smiled and waved right back.
"Mornin' Keigo, how are ya today?"
And naturally, being the moron Keigo was, he was ecstatic over Ichigo's unexplainable change and launched right into conversation with the newly-talkative teen. Uryuu, Orihime, Rukia, Chad, and Tatsuki however, knew this was probably the largest warning sign Ichigo could ever give that there was something horribly,
horribly wrong. His smiles seemed genuine but Tatsuki could tell it was forced. She was one of the few people who had ever seen an authentic smile from him, and she knew his eyes didn't look anything like they did right then when he actually gave one. In fact, she had never seen him look so tired before, like he hadn't had a good sleep in over a week—or two.
Most people wouldn't notice it, but the small dark circles under his eyes—eyes that never did that no matter how long he stayed up as a Soul Reaper—was proof enough that he was definitely overtired, but his demeanor completely belied that. He looked relaxed and well, happy even, had Tatsuki not seen him unquestionably happy in the past, and it was so hard to see how much pain he was in in reality that it was disturbing. She had known him for so long, and that was the only thing that allowed her to see that pain, and Rukia had since attuned herself to his moods. One doesn't live in someone's closet, then their home in general—where she still was to this day—without gaining an insight into the life of the oldest child of Isshin Kurosaki.
All of a sudden two people felt their stomachs turn to ice. Rukia and Tatsuki shakily removed their cell phones from their bags and hesitantly looked at the date, like they didn't want to believe that it was already that time of the year again. But there it was, staring them in the face, slapping them with the knowledge that they hadn't seen it coming even after years of knowing about his most painful memory.
Tatsuki felt tears sting the back of her eyes and she fought them back vigorously. She couldn't afford to cry right then, as school had almost started for the day, but she knew she would have time for that later. She cursed herself for not being there, where she should have been, where she had wanted to be: in his arms when he woke up to this dreaded morning. Maybe then he would have started the day with a new perspective, one gained because of the new love in his life, but instead she saw him trudge through the day with the same routine as always for this day of the year.
He had reverted back to that little boy, walking endlessly on the grassy bank of that despicable river, waiting for his mother to come back. He had reverted back to that empty shell with a hardened heart, but put on the old façade of the smiling little boy that wasn't afraid of anything, even pain and losing to a girl, as long as his mother was there. It was heartbreaking just to look at. They knew. He was in pain, his reiatsu itself seemed to be black and depressed even in all its grandeur.
Grand Fisher had been killed, they all knew that, and his mother had been avenged, but vengeance was always an empty excuse, for even when the killer was brought to justice, the fact remained that the victim of that killer was still gone. For as long as he would live, extremely long thanks to his Soul's powers, he would live with the fact that he had had no mother since he was but nine years old. His heart had been darkened black on that day, and only did it revive to practically full health on the day Tatsuki had become his. But that day, that one day in time so many years ago, scarred his heart from fully healing.
It was painful just to look at him, and she soon saw Rukia look away with a disheartened look on her face, and their eyes met. They nodded solemnly to each other and didn't say a word, choosing instead to take their seats when the bell chose that moment to ring and signal the beginning of the longest day of the school year for them. Even her own heart was constricting in sympathetic pain to Ichigo's, and it nearly hurt just to breathe from the tightness in her chest. She wanted so badly to just rush into his arms and tell him everything was all right, that for once he had someone, someone who wasn't a family member, who loved him with all her heart and mind and soul and would be there for him this time. This pain, even just this broadcasted pain she was feeling, was almost too much for her to bear without breaking down;
her, the woman who could face a gorilla-like female martial artist with a broken arm and just
barely lose.
She could only shudder at the thought of what he was truly going through.
…
Time had an ebb, an ebb and a flow, she knew that. So then why did it feel like the river of time had flash-frozen and was taking its sweet time thawing? It really was unbearable by now, looking at Ichigo's perfectly molded charade, and she wanted to scream at the teacher that this was not the time for learning about…whatever they were learning about—she had stopped caring long ago—so let school out already!
Before, it had been painful, but not nearly like this. Before she had just been a close friend that had seen his heart's most painful day, but now she was as much a part of that heart as he was of hers.
This was, quite simply, torture.
…
Ichigo remained oblivious to the feelings of gloom coming from those around him, but for once it wasn't because of naivety or even because of selfishness, today it was because it was taking everything he had to keep up the act he had forced himself to portray. He knew tomorrow was going to be difficult, and so he wanted his friends to have had at least one day where they could talk and laugh with him before he fell into the depression that always followed 'that day.'
Each breath and false smile felt like a blow to his heart, and by the time lunch rolled around he was feeling the same as he did every year around this time, which was, in a word: miserable. Through sheer force of will he maintained his charade, but he didn't go outside during lunch; in fact, he barely moved at all except the short distance to get his food, then he returned to his seat and started eating amicably while making conversation with whoever decided to talk to him during it.
Doctor? Who am I kidding, I should become an actor! He thought sarcastically as he lied through his teeth with yet another fake smile to another classmate. Even sarcasm felt too much like humor for him, and just that thought made his heart clench out of remembrance that it felt like doing nothing but hurt, especially not laugh. A bitter chuckle escaped him and he didn't have the time—or the desire—to hide the pain battering at his abused heart. He quickly quieted himself, hoping no one had heard it. Even to his own ears it had sounded pitiful.
He didn't know a pair of hurting black eyes
had witnessed it though, and there were four other pairs that had also been looking for just one break in the armor-like façade, a break just like that. They all knew something was wrong, but that heartless, bitter chuckle sounded like it came from a man bereft of anything of value in life, like some guilt had weighed in on him with the force of years of self-loathing behind it.
There was something else only they and a few select others could see, and that was the darkness that had begun outlining his eyelids, not by makeup, but the actual sclera of his eyes itself was starting to darken around his eyelids. Those happily-deceiving eyes were starting to lose their beautiful brown and pigments of yellow were boiling their way into his irises. It wasn't that surprising really, for he was cutting off his heart's real feelings, becoming—however unintentionally—like a Hollow. Even through all of this, he was still smiling. It was infuriating.
Ichigo was
still oblivious to everything, from his surroundings to his body, and so when the bell rang and he had only eaten part of his sandwich, he thought nothing of it and readied himself for class. The only thing he was concentrating on was making sure everyone thought he was fine, and no one could sense the turmoil in his heart.
The day went by in the same blur.
He didn't know Tatsuki was hating every moment of it, and she was hating the fact that she seemed to have been blocked all but completely out of the heart she had been immersed in so lovingly all the days leading up to this one.
Or that she wasn't going to put up with it for much longer.
…
Ichigo had successfully avoided almost any human contact for the entire day, and thankfully he was able to give himself
some peace of mind for tomorrow. He was a captain now, and
he dictated whether or not he worked or not. He was
King and
he dictated whether or not any major disturbances would happen. A manic grin came over his face. If there
were any disturbances, he would take great joy in making them go away. At the moment all he was was one walking, talking, man-shaped coil of stress, and the possibility of relieving that in any way would be too good to ignore.
He didn't know if he'd be able to hold back though.
But, he found even anger abandoned him in the face of the depression that had blanketed itself over him, and he was at a sense of warped calm as he dressed in his white and blue pajamas and laid down for what would be, as usual for this day, one of the most nightmare-ridden rests of his entire year. He took the white cloth he usually put over his eyes on this night, and did what he did every year to hide his sight from the dreariness of life should he open them in his slumber's terror.
He took deep breaths to try and steady himself for the ordeal to come as his vision was blocked by the cloth, and he soon felt his heartbeat start to slow as he gradually succumbed to the sandman's embrace.
Then he heard his window slide open.
He jolted upright when he felt something drop on top of his waist and he threw his makeshift blindfold aside, only for his eyes to be able to witness the shadowy figure above him push him back to the bed and press their lips together. It didn't matter the circumstances, he knew those lips.
"Tatsuki? What're you—!"
She silenced him by gently putting a finger over his lips. "Shhh, don't talk," she whispered, "I watched you all day you know, hiding yourself in plain sight from everyone, even me." Even though it was almost utter darkness around them, Ichigo could see the wetness making her midnight-black eyes glisten in sadness. Then, what she said next caught him completely off-guard. "We're getting married, right Ichigo?"
His tired eyes widened in fright. The way she said it…was like she was doubting that fact.
I…I thought I was doing everyone a favor, why does she seem to be in so much pain too? However, he couldn't let that last question go unanswered, and he quickly sat up straighter and put his hands on her shoulders so she was looking directly into his wide eyes. "Tatsuki…don't you ever…
ever…doubt that." He didn't know why her gaze suddenly hardened, but it did.
Then one of her hands shot out and punched him in the chest, which sent him back to his bed with an 'oomf!'
Just like before, Tatsuki jumped onto his waist, this time with the intention of pinning him to the bed with her body. Ichigo had expected another couple of punches—directed at his face this time—but instead he felt her strong feminine hands cup his face and when he opened his eyes he saw her face streaked with tears, glistening in the moonlight.
"If we're getting married…I want everything. Everything dammit!" she whispered angrily through her tears.
"Tatsuki…"
She was no where near done yet, and she closed her eyes to stop the tears that wanted to continue falling. Her pride meant nothing in the face of his pain.
"I don't want
just your smiles, or
just your love; dammit I want everything! I want your
pain, I want your
worry; I want your
fears. I want to know what can keep you awake at night and what can put your mind at ease! I want
everything there is about you, Ichigo Kurosaki! Do you think I don't know what day it is tomorrow!" She stopped only briefly to wipe her eyes with her arm, but that was useless. The tears wouldn't stop. She couldn't stop crying, even though she wanted to, and her tightly closed eyes did nothing. All she could do was try and will them away as she continued on.
"I know Ichigo…I've known ever since that day. And I've felt your pain, the pain you've never acknowledged for the past nine years! Now I'm willing to give you
my all, but if
you aren't, then…then…" She stopped when she realized her hands were getting wet. Confused, she reopened her firmly shut eyes and saw that Ichigo had mimicked her position, and his eyes were shut so tightly his teeth were bared. Nevertheless, the familiar salty substance recognized universally as tears were breaking free of his shut lashes and running down his face into her hands.
When his eyes opened reluctantly, like the act itself hurt, she saw that his eyes were bleeding into their Hollowized state, even though his eyes themselves remained his astounding amber. "Only you…" he whispered hoarsely with a small smile on his face, one that seemed out of place with the tears still making tracks on his face, "…only you would be able to punch me, tear my heart out, and make me love you more at the same time. Dammit, of all the people, why'd I have to fall for the one person that'd…" he trailed off as he begun to laugh quietly, but even his laughter was full of pain and bitterness, like he couldn't believe what was happening.
He was finally crying over his mother's death.
Tatsuki's wide eyes betrayed nothing of the confusion she was feeling at her fiancé's actions, and she could only hold him as his disgusted laughter turned into quiet sobs that wrenched at her heart. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, but when those same eyes opened to her again—and though they were still filled with unshed tears—they looked genuinely happy. She smiled back and leaned down onto his chest to give him as much of a hug as she was able to from their position, and Ichigo slowly wrapped his arms around her as well as she nuzzled her chin into the crook of his neck. "Will you stay with me…?" he asked softly, the uncertainty plain in his voice.
"Of course, you idiot. I'll be here tonight, tomorrow, and forever," she replied as the marks of her own tears were wiped away against his skin.
His grip around her got tighter. "Thank you."
She smiled into his skin. "You're so stubborn sometimes, but I guess that's part of the reason I love you."
He gave a choked laugh in response, careful not to wake his sisters or God forbid: Rukia. "So are you, but I love you too."
The silence that followed was relaxed, and it seemed the night's true intent was starting to take over the two teens, as sleep became harder and harder to ignore the longer they stayed in each other's embrace. Then Ichigo's last words broke through the night like a lover's promise, which was exactly what they were.
"…And Tatsuki…I swear…from now on…you have my all…"
They fell asleep with gentle smiles, free from nightmares as their spirits fought off the offending dreams from each other like two knights protecting each other in battle.
And for once, Ichigo Kurosaki had a good nights rest on the night before the anniversary of his mother's murder.
…
Rukia Kuchiki was never one to sleep-in even on the best of days, but on this day she woke up earlier than usual, even for her. Unlike her first time witnessing this day, where she was still learning the values and depth of human emotion—most importantly, Ichigo's—this time she had well assimilated those emotions and knew all too well what he was going through. Though she had never even known her, the thought that her only sister had died still brought tears to her eyes, and she knew a mother was even more revered. However,
this mother had been Ichigo's universe, so that put her on a completely different plane.
She dressed as quietly as she always did—this time in one of her more favored sundresses, as she wasn't going to school today either—and let herself out of the room she shared with Ichigo's sleeping sisters. They were sharing the same bed, as usual for last night, no matter what age they were. She knew Ichigo would
not like to be awoken by his overly-cheerful father on this day—well, he didn't like being woken up by him on
any day, but this one in particular—and so she stealthily moved to his room's door to try and quietly awaken him before the rest of the family got up.
But, she wasn't prepared for what awaited her when she opened his door.
"Ichi—!" her whisper stopped dead in shock mid-sentence as she opened the door and was almost floored by the sheer amount of spiritual pressure hanging placidly in the air of the room. It wasn't violent or battle-ready, it was simply reiatsu being exuded by living and she knew though Ichigo was enormously powerful, this was too much for even
him to give off while sleeping.
Once again, she was stopped dead when she saw what should have been the
sole occupant of the room. It was like something out of her romance mangas, though in those the characters would have probably been naked. Not only was Ichigo
not wearing his usual blindfold, he wasn't even
alone. An extra body lay on top of him, her cheek pressed against his chest while one of her hands stayed put gently on his shoulder. The man under her was no different, as he had encircled her smaller torso with his arms and held her in a loving hug all night. There were red stains on her face, the marks from tears, but she looked calm, content. She had gone to sleep happy, even if her skin suggested otherwise. What was even more surprising was the identical state of Ichigo's face.
Rukia smiled softly. Tatsuki had slipped into his room last night, and done something
she had never been able to. Even though vengeance had been carried out a long time ago, closure had never truly been grasped.
Today, maybe, just maybe, today, that would finally be able to happen thanks to whatever happened last night. She hadn't been the one for Ichigo, but she was glad he found someone who was. It was almost funny, how the one he ended up being with had been the one there all along. Finally, she was able to see him happy, even if it was from a bystander's point of view. She had Renji, and she wouldn't trade him for the world.
She quietly shut the door. This was one rest she wouldn't disturb.
…
Ichigo awoke slowly, and though the pain in his heart was still there, it was dull… silent even. The tears of years gone by had been shed, and for once in his life he felt at peace. He knew what he was going to do today, and he was at peace with it. His heart, the thing he had thought would never fully heal, was doing exactly that. Like any wounded muscle, it held scars of its own, but at last he could feel his heart thaw from the ice he had kept around it.
And it was all thanks to the girl in his arms. This girl, this tomboy, this
woman: Tatsuki Arisawa, soon to be Kurosaki. His soon-to-be-wife had saved him from a fate worse than death, and a wound even Orihime wouldn't have been able to heal. He wanted to laugh. Even though he had just woken up he wanted to laugh, cry, squeeze Tatsuki in the hardest bear hug he could give, and fall over until he fainted from laughing after that. He was a mass of conflicting emotions, but he couldn't feel anything but the near weightlessness of his heart.
He knew it was going to rain. It always did on this day, no matter what those crack-head weather-people predicted. But…for once that rain wouldn't be mimicked in his heart. He kissed the head of hair placed so trustingly under his chin softly, careful not to wake up the salvation in his arms. The wound in his heart hadn't been healed by his own soul, it had been healed by hers. His heart wasn't fully his own anymore, for the new flesh that covered the old void was hers, not his.
In his opinion it didn't matter. To him, his entirety would always belong to her anyway.
God she's beautiful, he could only think. She was just as stunning sleeping as she was awake, and he didn't mind being used as a mattress one bit, not when he got to feel each and every soft curve of her body pressed against him so fearlessly.
He didn't want this to end, so he did what any teenager would do.
He went back to sleep.
…
Karin Kurosaki wasn't one to be surprised too greatly by anything short of a Shinigami captain saving her from a Menos Grande, but when she saw her brother walk down the stairs to breakfast wearing what even she—being a girl in complete sexual denial and a person who didn't care what any member of the opposite sex looked or dressed like—couldn't deny looked drop-dead gorgeous, and with someone on his arm who wasn't in the house last night, she spit out the juice she had been drinking without a second thought.
She knew her brother liked tight clothes, he never denied it and she had always known it, but she had never seen
this before. She wasn't at all interested in him, because that would be just plain gross, but being a young woman, she allowed herself to enjoy the rare sight of a superior specimen of a male when it was displayed to her, even if it wasn't her brother.
She didn't know how, but his simple black pants wrapped around his legs in a way that accentuated the inhumanly toned muscles of his legs without drawing too much attention to his waistline wear the attention could be diverted…elsewhere. Instead it just made him look strong and masculine. His white muscle shirt looked like it was tucked into his pants, but really it was so tight it just conformed to his body's clothes limits without having to be uncomfortably tucked in, and it didn't hurt that every muscle and curve of his flesh could be seen from under it. The jacket was something completely new to her, but had she been exposed to his zanpakutou's Bankai, she would know that it was an identical imitation, lacking only the connection between the two sides usually seen in the center of his chest. Since it was missing that connection, it glided behind him and waved under his armpits with each step he took, but the form-fitting sleeves prevented it from moving any further. There was one other obstacle preventing the long coat from blowing too far, and that was the shining black katana nearly three-quarters of his height that was sheathed behind his back, where the grey chain-link strap kept it in place. His hair was still as bright as ever, but she had never noticed how much those orange locks looked like a crown until she saw him walking down the stairs with his head held high, like that of royalty.
He wasn't slouching in bitterness, shy in quietness, or scowling in anger. Instead his face seemed to be the pinnacle of…nothingness. He wasn't scowling, but he wasn't smiling either. He was…normal. It was his eyes that spoke of his true feelings however, and she could see it. They weren't yellow like she had seen them before, nor were they the intense ice-blue that made Rangiku Matsumoto's look like depthless glass. They were quite simply
his, but they held a peace she hadn't seen in her brother in a long time. Something had happened to him, and she knew something was going to be different today.
And though she was in sexual denial, she knew she wasn't a lesbian. But
damn, if she was, she would've jumped Tatsuki at a moments notice, even if the clothes she was wearing were no more extraordinary than Ichigo's. Her tight black cargo pants rode low on her hips and showed off the tapered hipbones that jutted out from beneath her muscled, flawless skin like they were angled down to draw attention to the proof of her womanhood. Her trim stomach was slightly revealed to the world and the blue shirt she wore with a black dress-vest on over it accentuated both her lithe physique and her normally hidden, quite impressive breasts, making for a sight that was no less mouth watering than her fiancé's.
They were two powerful, beautiful beings, even though she knew her brother would kill her if he knew she had thought of him as 'beautiful.'
Yuzu, of course, being the maternal and more innocent of the two sisters, barely paid any attention to that and instead voiced the other major observation that should have taken place. "Tatsuki!" She cried excitedly, "When did you get here?"
Karin could have sworn she saw her idol
blush, but she knew that was impossible.
"Really, really early this morning," Tatsuki answered in what seemed like a casual manner.
"Let's leave it at that," Ichigo finished with an absolute air of authority, but it was not in any way forceful or condescending, which made it confusing, but undeniable.
"SO THEN WE'RE HAVING THE WHOLE FAMILY COME TO THE ANNUAL PICNIC! EVEN MY NEWEST DAUGHTER! WONDERFUL!" Isshin cried as he jumped at Ichigo with elbow at the ready.
He was promptly sent spinning out the front door and Ichigo stood at the foot of the stairs with his outstretched fist in front of him as he tried to stop the vein in his forehead from throbbing. "Yuzu, could you get us some toast please? Then we can go follow the human cartwheel. Can't have him getting too far ahead of us."
Karin muffled a giggle and Yuzu nodded happily.
…
For once, their walk up the incredibly steep hill that led to the graveyard was relatively silent, even though Isshin made more than a few snappy remarks and taunts for outrageous games that were so impossibly stupid they were funny.
That didn't mean he still wasn't sent rolling down the hill by Karin, but it was funny nonetheless.
Just as predicted, the dark thunderclouds were rumbling threateningly even though the day had been bright and sunny before, but Ichigo couldn't care. He and the rain were old friends, he had known it longer than he had known most things in his life, but this time the rain held no power. Before, the rain was like memory in physical form; 'that day' manifested externally, but today, the rain held something different.
Forgiveness.
He was letting go. Letting go of the guilt that had never left his heart. As the first drop of rain fell on his face he reveled in it, like that spot was the first to be cleansed of his self-loathing. As the rain continued to fall and Tatsuki cuddled closer into his side as they walked, Ichigo could feel the sunlight of his inner world like he was right there, even as he was soaked by the rain in the Living World. His mother had died protecting him, and he had long decided he was going to carry on her torch. He would die before he let any harm befall his family or his friends, and he would have no regrets about doing so should that situation ever arise. He was his mother's son, and he was finally beginning to embrace the thing he had gained the most from her.
Her loving heart.
He had tried to deny it, tried to hide it behind a scowl, but down beneath everything there was a heart that didn't like pain, or sorrow, and a love's light that was powerful enough to defeat the Cutting Moon himself. His strength relied on that love, no matter how much he denied it. Finally, that love had an outlet, and Tatsuki had basked in its warmth for a long time before yesterday, when that heart had temporarily frozen over. Now that heart was glowing, it's scarred flesh bright and fresh. He didn't care that the rain was pasting his hair to his head or that his jacket was becoming heavier with the added weight of the moisture, all he cared about was the glee of his heart as he let go of each individual strand of hatred that had bound his heart to his guilt. But that wasn't entirely true, for he cared about the woman holding his arm as the warm rain fell on them more than life itself.
Today was one of the best days of his life, even though it marked the date of his worst.
Ichigo saw them before anyone else, the group waiting at the top of the hill. Unlike him, they all had umbrellas, and it was soon revealed to be their close friends. Uryuu was under one large one with Orihime, Chad was by himself as usual, but since his was so large it also held Rukia under it too. As they neared the dry group, they could see their faces. They too only held looks of understanding.
He was no longer alone. His walls had been broken down and they weren't going to let him go through this day alone anymore. He wanted to be annoyed at them, but instead all he felt was grateful. He knew they wouldn't believe what was happening to him without seeing it with their own eyes anyway. He snickered softly. He could feel Tatsuki move her head, most likely to look up at him in confusion at what was so funny, but he only looked back at her and gave her a small, reassuring smile.
No words were spoken, and soon the large group found themselves in front of the gravestone of Masaki Kurosaki, the world of the Kurosaki family. While his family and friends kneeled down and prayed to pay their respects on the wet ground, regardless of the state of their clothes, he stood silently, regarding the grave thankfully.
"Hi Mom…" he began, even as sobs threatened to choke out his voice. His friends and family all looked up in surprise, but he acted like they weren't even there. To him, they weren't. Not right then. This was something he needed to do. "I…I can't thank you enough. You gave your life for me, and now, finally, I'm using that life you saved to the fullest." His face was wet from the rain, but his tears didn't go unnoticed. His eyes were happy though, thankful.
Loving. He was smiling, even as he cried. "I don't cry anymore when I lose, and I'm… finally remembering the smile I used to give you. I'm strong, Mom, I'm stronger than anyone now, even Tatsuki." He stopped there to give a small laugh. "Yeah, even her, and she's gonna be my wife. Me, getting married, heh, even I find it hard to believe sometimes. I can't thank you enough for my life, but in death I'll find you, whether you're in Hueco Mundo or Soul Society, I'll find you. Your soul's killer found peace at the end of a zanpakutou, so I know you found peace somewhere. But…even if I never do find you…I love you and I'll never forget you."
With that, he took the sword he had made as the spitting image of Tensa Zangetsu off his back and placed it on the offering ground in front of the gravestone. He held his hand there, and focused his reiatsu. The others were alarmed by the sharp spike in spiritual power that suddenly surrounded them, but then they felt it not recede, but instead, change location. The physical sword gleamed in the rain as the spiritual energy filled it, and then a shining orb seemed to surround the gravesite of his mother before it faded away from vision, but not reality.
"My sword, the thing that represents the life you saved, will protect your resting place from now on Mom. Wherever you are, I hope you know how much we all miss you, but we'll never stop…
I'll never stop…loving you."
He stood there for a long time after that. After his feelings had been vented to the unhearing concrete, and even after his friends all got up and went to the graveyard's guesthouse to wait for him. He stayed here, this time, really alone. He didn't feel it, he was still saddened by his mother's death, but this time he had peace in his heart, something that could never have been achieved even if it
had been him to have destroyed Grand Fisher. For all he knew his mother's soul could have already been recycled back into the world in the endless cycle that was the way of Soul Society.
Thanks to her, he had found happiness.
Then he felt a pair of arms wrap around his neck from behind and a soft kiss was given to the side of his head.
"Thank you Ichigo. I'm very proud of you; you've made a great life for yourself, just as I hoped you would. Don't worry Honey, I'm fine where I am, and I'll always love you." The soft voice was like something out of a memory, but it was as clear as day to him. He knew that voice. He hadn't heard it in forever but
he knew that voice. He turned around quickly…
…and there was nothing there.
He laughed aloud. His birthday was a month away but he felt like he had just gotten his best present early.
"Thank you…Mom."
But he hadn't forgotten about Tatsuki. Oh no, she was right up there on his list, second only after today's events. He still had some things to even up on.
…
Author's Notes: I love this chapter. Thanks for reading!
