Salvation

Warnings: Sorry for angsty Ichigo, but the guy is just plain depressed.

Chapter 1

Ichigo's room had remained the same as when he had left it. The only things that made the room look odd were the suitcases placed in front of his bed. The room, in spite of having not changed one bit, felt vacant even with him standing in the middle of it.

That was the emotion that overcame him when he was alone. How many times had he told himself that he had to take charge of life and move on...? Whenever he tried to take one step forward, he got stuck back in the same endless bleakness. There was no end to it. All he could think about was how clueless he was about certain things and over the past year he had tried to learn how to see further into people's expressions, but he still didn't understand them.

How could he even call himself 'human', if he didn't know how to look deep enough into the people around him?

Though he wasn't thinking of them, the void within him was still present. Perhaps it was because he didn't have his friends there to suffocate him with questions and accusations about his 'disappearance'. In that room of his, he was trully alone, which probably added more to how downtrodden he already felt.

Sighing, thinking about putting his stuff away later, he did what he hadn't done ever since the 'incident' had begun to take place.

Go to Rukia's closet.

When he reached it, his hand poised over the handle meant to slide it open, he hesitated, not really knowing what to expect on the other side. The closet was supposed to be empty anyway.

Sucking in a deep breath, he slammed the closet open and saw just what he had been expecting to see.

Wood and no signs of life. From what he could see, his sister Yuzu had been storing clean linen in the closet that had once housed Rukia. Just stacks of clean, white folded cloth greeted his flat gaze.

Closing the closet door, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

I feel so stupid... Maybe I should call someone over...

Even though he had thought that, he pushed it to the back of his mind. Just like his luggage.

Maybe later...

***

"Don't tell me that bull that he isn't over here! I just saw him going in!"

Isshin should have known that somebody would have discovered Ichigo's arrival. Arisawa Tatsuki was just as persistent as the new Shirosaki Orihime. Those two girls had constantly tried to find ways to contact his son over the last year and though he barely knew any of the details of what had gotten Ichigo so depressed, he had instinctively turned them away.

He has to face all of them someday.

Tatsuki came alone this time. Five out of every ten times she came over Orihime accompanied her. Maybe it was a godsend that she had come without the other girl. Ichigo hadn't elaborated what had caused their falling out, but he had refused to even speak of Orihime ever since leaving for Tokyo. It didn't take a genious to know that he was upset with her over something personal, that probably had to do with the strange young man named Ogichi.

Seeing the girl now glaring at him with her arms crossed and tapping one foot that went at the same tempo as her twitching left eyebrow, he caved in. He had known that girl since she was in pre-school. She had grown up alongside Ichigo and was practically a sister to his daughters.

"Fine!" raising his hands in defeat, he shrugged while declaring dramatically. "You got me!"

"I knew it!" she breathed in outrage and he flinched when he was heartily shoved to the side. Tatsuki had taken him by such surprise that his shoulder was slammed against the doorframe and he yelped girlishly at the jarring pain.

My! She's become quite a strong woman!

He couldn't keep a smile from his lips of course. Rubbing his offended shoulder without so much as wincing, he turned to see her rushing up the stairs to the second floor. From how fast she was going, Ichigo was going to get a couple of bruises before dinnertime.

No, Isshin had made the right desicion in letting her know of Ichigo's arrival. He was a father and as a father, he knew his children.

Ichigo needed his friends more than he ever imagined.

***

About damned time he stopped covering for him!

Already knowing which door was his due to having visited him plenty of times when they were younger, she shoved it open thunderously, startling the form laying on the bed within. He had been laying facing the wall beside his narrow bed, his back to her, but now that he looked over at her she felt all of the demanding questions lined up inside her head disappear.

He looks horrible...

It wasn't that he was unkept... It was the look in his eyes that held a glimmer of recognition along with calm detachment. He didn't even look surprised to see her standing in his room.

Not even bothering to sit up to greet her properly, there was no emotion in his voice when he spoke to her, "Hey, Tatsuki."

Her jaw dropped. There was no other way to react to how nonchalant and cold he was. They hadn't seen each other for the past year and there he was acting like a zombie after she had been worried sick. Sure, Ichigo could be sometimes a total dweeb when it came to the 'art' of socializing, but he wasn't a frigid heartless jerk.

"Is... Is that all you're going to tell me after you leave for a freaking year?!"

He frowned, slowly shifting his body to sit up. The only thing different about his appearance was the tiredness of his features and the dark shadows under his dull amber eyes. Just seeing him that way was eerie and disturbing. His hair was still a riot of orange spikes and his body, though it looked just as leanly muscled as the last time she had seen him, appeared to be stronger than before. She had noticed this by how his hardened shoulders moved under his shirt at his movements.

"Sorry about that," he said slowly once sitting up with his bare feet touching the floor, his voice displaying some sluggishness. Smiling sleepily at her, he scratched the back of his head, "It's just that I've gotten back and I..." not finishing, he yawned without covering his mouth and she narrowed her eyes at him.

Is that his excuse? She knew him well. He always made up the lamest excuses to avoid certain 'sticky' subjects and at the moment, he was doing just that. Avoiding talking about something that he couldn't bear to remember.

"Cut the act, Ichigo," she said lowly, sighing at how some things always stayed the same. Walking over to his bed, his bloodshot eyes following her with a barely hidden wariness that confused her, she sat down beside him.

His apprehensive gaze was heavy on her.

He feels like a completely different person...

Feeling heat rush to her face, she forced herself to look at him. It was unnerving how he studied her face. Had he always done that? She couldn't recall him doing that. As far as she could remember he usually just glanced at people, not stared at them as if trying to memorize every detail about their faces.

"Is something wrong?" she edged testily and he blinked in surprise, proving to her that he hadn't realized that he was rudely staring at her.

Ichigo might as well have been a stranger to her. The Ichigo she knew would have at least told her something about his life in Tokyo or would have called her or any of their friends upon reaching Karakura... The Ichigo she knew would have never cut off all contact in the first place.

"How... How have you been?" the question came out forced. Like he had read it off a script. It had the same tone as somebody asking about the weather. Droll and lacking in true interest. If he hadn't been her childhood friend, she would have disliked him immediately for his attitude alone.

"Good." The truth was that a lot of things had happened to her and all of their friends, but his apathy kept her from telling him everything. The heaviness surrounding him simply zapped her enthudiasm. Even the anger she had felt for him once she had reached his room was weeded out and sucked dry. His presence felt worse than that of Ogichi and that in her book meant that he had really gone deep into wallowing in self-pity.

"That's nice to hear."

She almost felt like punching him for saying that.

"Tell me how you've been," he opened his mouth, but she continued, halting his words, "and you better tell me everything. None of that bullshit about class schedules and regular stuff. I want to know how you've really been."

Regardless of the room being somewhat dark due to late afternoon, his blanching face wasn't missed by her.

"I've been doing great!" he smiled without meeting her eyes, his gaze fleeting over the room.

He's as bad as Orihime-chan. She had seen that behavior before. He had always done that when the anniversary of his mother's death came up, but now he appeared to be doing it all the time.

Standing up, she knew what would snap him out of it at least for a while. Confused over her cold hard mask and her rising off the bed to face him, he frowned at her.

"Stand up, Ichigo," she ordered flatly, gesturing with her hand for him to rise.

Making a face, he then shook his head. "No. Knowing you, you'll just hit me."

True, but now that he had seen through her act, she was thinking of doing things differently .

"Just. Stand. Up." If he didn't do it, she would have to do it with him sitting down. What she had in mind had to be done when he was completely facing her.

He eyed her for a couple of seconds, taking in her cold focused glare. After a couple of moments of him studying her, which made her skin crawl , he finally rose to face her. He was taller than her, and in her mind she was just average height, but he practically dwarfed her.

At least I know that he's still as gullible as I remember him. Only Ichigo would be stupid enough to be pressured into doing something physically threatening. He had always been like that since they were children. He would always say no, knowing perfectly well that he would get into trouble, but after a couple of commands he would awkwardly give in.

He was standing just an arms distance and that was all the space she would need.

Suddenly she swiped one of her hands out and grabbed him by the ear, and he yelped in surprise. In the begining she had been planning on punching him and he had probably been ready to dodge her blows, but a good ear twisting was an unexpected painful shock to him.

Gripping the top of his ear between her forefinger and thumb, she twisted the delicate flesh until he screamed and fell on his knees, his hands futilely grabbing her wrist to dislodge her. Gritting her teeth because he was a lot stronger than she had thought, she tugged at him to force him closer.

His eyes were glazed and his face was contorted in a grimace, "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, TATSUKI?!"

Widening her eyes over how clueless he could be, she yelled back at him, leaning down to look at him closer, "THAT'S WHAT I MEANT TO ASK YOU! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"

The vice-like grip he had on her wrist slackened and though his face still displayed pain, she had seen the eerie barely discernable dullness of guilt flash in his eyes.

"I-I don't know...," hearing that helplessness in his broken whisper, she finally released his abused ear and took a step back.

Eyeing her warily, he rubbed the offended ear, moving to sit down on the floor he had been kneeling on.

"Is that your best answer?" her body trembled. She really was having an internal struggle being around him. Just the sight of him had her wanting to hit him or yell at him. How could he abandon them and act as if their worries meant nothing? He had practically treated her like she was a stranger!

Blinking and then looking away from her angry eyes to stare blankly at the floor, a muscle twitched on the side of his cheek.

He didn't answer her.

What a pitiful parody of life he had become. Had he always been like this? Sure he had his moments in which he could be friggid, like when Orihime had been kidnapped and taken to Hueco Mundo. He had been insensitve and shuttered during that time. Refusing to tell her anything to give her some peace of mind and saying things that had her rethinking their long friendship.

Even punching him in the face back then hadn't worked. Ichigo could be trully stubborn.

"You have anything else to say?" she demanded evenly, her glare unwavering on his impassive expression.

"Is... Is she alright?" his voice was so low, it almost went unheard. "I mean... With her marriage and everything...?"

Taken by surprise, she blinked.

Should I tell him?

"Yeah," discomforted at talking about something that obviously hurt him, she put her hands in her jean pockets and didn't elaborate further.

Orihime and Ogichi had married a mere three weeks earlier. It was a small wedding that consisted of signing papers and having two legal adults there to act as witnessess. The ones to do that had been Orihime's former neighbors that lived across from her. As for the rest of their friends... Rukia, Ishida and her were the only ones present since it had been a rush wedding. Sado had been working while Asano had class and Kojima had been out of town.

At first she had been somewhat against them getting married, but had never voiced her opinion. Orihime was the one to decide. After a year she was still strugging to get used to her Hollow live in 'boyfriend' that was now her husband.

It was a distant almost cordial aquaintance. He was blunt, a major asshole, and loud. The others were usually intimidated by his overwhelming personality but after graduation, he had, with Orihime's help, become an accepted member of their group. Of course they didn't do all things together... Like just hanging out as when Ichigo had been around...

Rukia had stunned her in her determination to keep the Soul Society from knowing what Ogichi trully was. She had gone far enough to take semi-permanent residence in Karakura and even owned an apartment in the metro-area. In the past Tatsuki hadn't stomached the girl, but seeing how she made sure that Orihime and Ogichi (that had made it clear that he couldn't stand her), had some peace, she had learned how to respect her in spite of all of the problems her relationship with Ichigo had brought on all of them.

She wasn't surprised that Orihime had been the one that selflessly helped Rukia become better at socializing with the rest of them. To her, no one had a bigger more forgiving heart than Orihime. For the last year, the only thing that had shadowed her happiness was her concern for Ichigo's wellbeing.

He had made it no secret during the first months of her relationship that he was cutting ties with all of them. Withdrawing into himself, he had become a shell that just smiled to brush people off.

He acts like he hates all of us, even Orihime-chan...

Most of all her and Ogichi.

"You don't have to hide the truth from me, Tatsuki."

Tensing, she pressed her lips together into a thin line. What could she tell him? That Orihime had become the perfect wife and was even thinking of starting a family? That Asano and Kojima had even hung out with the loud-mouthed Ogichi? That would be like a slap in the face for Ichigo.

His unnerving dull eyes looked at her almost accusingly now. For some reason, she felt as if he already knew the truth. That everyone had started a routine life, carefully stepping around his disappearance, only mentioning him on occasion. The only ones that truly wondered about him were her, Sado, Orihime, Rukia and even Ogichi that was unwillingly connected to his emotions. Through the Hollow they had been able to figure out that Ichigo was in a endless downward spiral of hate and detachment. Tatsuki hadn't believed the albino until her friend had completely severed all ties with them.

"What do you mean hide the truth?" her question was direct, not showing a hint of lies.

Scoffing mirthlessly, the smile that lifted the corner of his lips was sinister and self-loathing.

"That you have all replaced me."

She had to part her lips to breathe. Of all of the things she would have expected Ichigo to say, she would have never even guessed he would think that way.

"You bastard!" her hiss didn't make him flinch, but his eyes showed a glint that had a chill go down her spine.

This isn't Ichigo.

"Well isn't it true? You probably visit them every day," the cruel smile on his lips remained, "and Inoue, or should I say Shirosaki? Is more than happy with him. Let me ask you...," his eyes narrowed in misplaced secretive amusement, "Do you guys go do normal things together? Like go to the movies or concerts? Maybe even road-trips?"

Her jaw dropped at what he was telling her.

Letting out a single lifeless laugh, he leaned his head back to look at the ceiling, resting his back on the bed while still sitting on the floor.

"Should have known that coming back here was a mistake."

Anger pumped through her veins. For the past year, all Orihime had worried about was how he was doing. They all had been concerned, some more than others. To see that they were all wondering over a hollow shell that used to be their friend was an insult to all of them. She knew how Ichigo used to be better than anyone else.

Before his mother death, he had been gentle and caring of others. A bit of a wimp, but people couldn't help but like him back in those days because his smiles were genuine and effortless and he always displayed an honest interest about what was bothering people around him. Unfortunately, after his mother died, he had lost that gentleness and merely glanced over everyone, not taking time to see into them.

That had been his mistake with Orihime. Tatsuki was certain that if his mother had been alive, he would have been more intuned to what she had been feeling for years and probably would have reciprocated. But no... He had been avoiding how to feel out of fear of losing someone important to him again and of being hurt and lost.

However, that gloomy cloud that permanently hovered over him, that seemed stronger as she now glared at him with barely contained rage and disbelief, was no excuse for him to be so heartless.

Squaring her shoulders, she asked him cooly, "Is that what you've been thinking this whole time? That we've replaced you?"

"I don't need to think it, I know it's like that," his eyes met hers briefly as he shook his head before looking back at the ceiling, "I saw the signs way before I left for Tokyo."

We replaced him?! Is he talking about all of us, or just Orihime-chan?!

Breathing heavily through her nose, her hands within her pockets suddenly felt cold.

"I went to Tokyo for a tournament," she informed him quietly and he glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. "I knew that you were going to the university there and when I looked for you, I saw you."

Sitting up, he frowned in confusion.

"I saw you laughing and joking with a bunch of other kids and two bimbos all over you," her voice kept raising in volume and his eyes grew large. "You were having fun with them and not once did you look my way when I walked up to the table you were sitting at, Ichigo!"

"I-I didn't know," he said in clear disbelief, stunned by the fact that she had ever sought him out.

"You still think we replaced you?" she ignored his confusion.

He opened his lips but no words came out.

One of her hands shot out of her pockets to point down at him,"YOU REPLACED US, ICHIGO!"

Hardness entered his face as he stood up, not showing any of the stiffness he had shown earlier. Her words must have angered him to the point of alertness.

"First of all, I didn't even know you were there!" she rolled her eyes and shook her head, "And second of all, you should have said something!"

"I didn't have to say anything-!"

"Well, you should have instead of going off on me-!"

"WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IS NOT SHUT US OUT!" she blew up, successfully shutting him up. Her chest heaving in pent up breathing, she continued heatedly as he stared at her in a combination of anger and surprise. "You think that you're the only one that feels pain?! You have always ignored people! That's why Orihime-chan-!"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT HER!" he thundered, making her recoil. Just mentioning her friend's name had made his whole demeanor shift to one of pure outrage. "I DON'T WANT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT HER! SEEING YOU HERE IS JUST BRINGING IT ALL BACK!"

Clenching her jaw, she was determined to hurt him as much as he had hurt her, Orihime and everyone else.

"I am not surprised that she went to him instead of you," her dark direct tone and words had him gaping and paling. "You are the most ignorant, self-centered asshole I've ever met, Ichigo. You had made a desicion in letting them be together and you now resent all of us for accepting your choice. For shit's sakes! I had to tell you how she felt since you were too busy playing super hero and pretending to love Kuchiki because it was easier for you!"

"Regardless of all of the shit you have done, Orihime-chan wants you to be a part of her life!" he glowered hatefully at that, but she pushed the loathing glare to the back of her mind in order to finish. "She doesn't even think about how much of a jackass you've been! Just because she doesn't cry over you anymore and wants you as her friend, doesn't mean that we've all replaced you! Instead of being closed into yourself and thinking badly of everyone, you should at least try to fix what made you enter this mess in the first place!"

Fuming, his heavy breathing was the only thing heard in the room before he spat, "Why the fuck should I fix anything, huh?! I already messed up, Tatsuki! Don't any of you get it?! I was in the center of everything! Don't you ever wonder how fucked up I felt when all of that shit was happening?! Did any of you even ask me?!"

"I had asked you... Ichigo," Tatsuki, unable to take his anguished stare, looked at the floor. "You just smiled and lied to me and forced yourself to act like it didn't bother you..."

Now I know exactly how much it hurts him.

Hearing nothing coming out of him, she glanced at him and saw his cold mask that hid what he was feeling.

"I really... honestly hope that you don't say shit like this to Orihime-chan," she gritted, noting that not even a hint of emotion passed his eyes. "She'll want to see you once she finds out you're in town and if she hears you talk like this, you'll just be fucking up like you always do."

She wasn't the best as giving advice, but after what had happened with Orihime a year earlier, she had been learning, going as far as entering psychology while keeping martial arts as an elective. No professional needed to tell her that Ichigo was far too deep into depression. It perhaps didn't even have anything to do with Orihime, but with all of the things that he had realized where missing inside of himself. With the events that had unfolded in their circle of friends, he had been forced to see his flaws in a very harsh way.

He wasn't as strong as he thought he was.

Nodding to himself, he let that emotionless void enter his face.

Seeing that as a sign that the conversation was over and that he had shut himself away like he always did, she sighed and closed her eyes, turning away from him.

He didn't even call her back when she left his room. She walked unhurriedly to the downstairs, her body numbed by seeing him in that darkened state. What she felt was anger, and helplessness. She cared for her friends and even if they found her pushy on occasion, she tried to find a way to help them, just like she had done for Orihime's and Ichigo's broken friendship.

Unfortunately, all that she had accomplished was supporting Orihime's and Ogichi's relationship while Ichigo retreated further into himself, unwilling to show any emotion of loss or anger.

That day, he had finally reached the breaking point.

I don't know what to do...

"Didn't go well, huh?"

Jumping at hearing Isshin's low question, she looked at him that was standing at the foot of the stairs only to let out a snort at his appearance.

The older man, in spite of his worried paternal expression was wearing a large cooking pot on his head and holding a metal spatula in one hand as if it were a weapon.

Holding a hand over her stomach, she coughed out, not wishing to laugh after what had transpired between her and Ichigo, "What... the heck are you wearing?!"

"Oh!" he blinked and quickly hid the spatula behind his back then shrugged, smiling sheepishly, "I was just ready in case you and Ichigo took the fight to the first floor." Laughing almost sadly, he finally took the metal pot off and shook his uncovered head. "Guess I over-exagerated."

"Yeah..." nodding, she personally thought he had every reason to think that they would have fought explosively through the whole entire house.

"He's in bad shape, isn't he?"

Raising her brows, she hesitated before nodding.

Sighing tiredly, Isshin murmured, "Then I hope that you and everyone else stick with him." Surprised, she studied him and saw that he was serious. "He has been acting like that ever since coming back home and quite frankly, he needs someone to tell him things straight even if it hurts."

"So you want me to give him shock treatment?" she asked with an edge of disbelief.

"Hah!," he grinned at her. "That sounds like a good strategy!"

Shaking her head, she smirked,"Fine... I'll see what I can do for that idiot son of yours." She was still angry and had many doubts over actually helping Ichigo, as bad as that may seem.

Unfortunately, she also knew that she was in way over her head and that she couldn't allow Orihime or any of Ichigo's close friends, like Asano, Kojima and Sado to see him that way. No... She would need to enlist the assistance of people that thought more cooly and weren't as close and she had a good idea who could help her at least find a way to break through his shell.

Thinking of two names, she smiled. Something had to be done before Orihime started to ask for him again. Her friend would insist on seeing him no matter how cruel he was and knowing how sensitive she naturally was, he wouald only upset her all over again.

Sadly, what she didn't know was that Orihime would find out sooner than expected.

***

A/N: Warning, Ichigo will do stupid shit in this fic (he'll be a bit of a slut at times). I'll practice around with sexual tension before getting into smut though (not just jump into it like 'Reflection'. People will hate me for teasing!). NIN-Something I Can Never Have and Stabbing Westward-Darkest Days inspired 'Salvation' plot.