Twitter Updates: Get updates when I post/update a fic by following my twitter: http://twitter.com/crunchysalad
satterb: Yes, poor Renji. But don't worry about him, he'll get his happy ending. . . eventually. Well, this chapter is definitely Byakuya's POV, but. . . I'm afraid you won't really find out how he's feeling, because he's not entirely aware of his present situation. . .
Anon: Oh, man. You don't know how much I blushed when I read your review. I mean, really, I don't think I deserve all that praise but thank you so much anyway. You're incredibly sweet to say all that, and I hope this fic doesn't end up disappointing you! And, yeah, Byakuya and Renji need to get on with it ^_^ Although they kind of do, this chapter. Kinf of.
xpinkcloudx: Glad you liked the shower scene. I meant it to serve as a foil for earlier in the story, when Byakuya almost caught Renji in the shower but turned his head away and chastised himself. (Unless I forgot to write that scene, in which case forget what I said). At any rate, I hope you're prepared for just a little bit more angst.
YamanashiOchinashiIminashi: Don't worry, I wouldn't want to disappoint you guys by not finishing this! I only have three more parts planned, anyway. Thanks for reviewing!
Lady Akribos-san: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you liked the way I described their personalities and they way they're coming together. It's dificult because they're both pretty complex, with completely different things going on internally than they show to the world. I'm also glad that you decided to check out aff. I'm trying to update this fic every two or three weeks (sorry for the lateness); unfortunately I'm not on ff.net, but I just started archiving at archiveofourown.org (same name), if you're on there.
Chapter Five
Byakuya blinked open bleary eyes, feeling not a little bit disoriented. Everything felt so. . . fuzzy. Even as his eyes opened all the way, even as he came to full consciousness, the world around him didn't seem to focus. He stretched out on his silk futon, feeling the thin fabric of his nighttime yukata brush against his skin. In a few moments there was a gentle rapping at his chamber door. Three soft knocks in quick succession.
"Come in," he said, as he stood up from the futon.
Without a word the door was opened and three servants came into Byakuya's room, heads bowed. One went directly to open up the sliding screens that made up the far wall of the bedroom, allowing light in from the courtyard outside. The other two attended to Byakuya, disrobing him before dressing him in an outfit more fitting for the day. A kimono of royal blue, covered by a dark gray haori coat. When they were done he sat down on a nearby chair and they brushed his hair out, carefully pulling strands through a set of white kenseikan. When they were done they stepped back, lined up neatly in a row with their heads bowed.
"Byakuya-sama," one said, "Lady Hisana is waiting in her quarters to take breakfast with you."
Byakuya felt his heart catch at the mention of Hisana's name. An image of violet eyes and gentle smile filled his mind. He had loved her. He had loved her just as surely as she had never loved him. Byakuya looked downward, wondering why he was thinking in the past tense. Something. . . something was off. He had the urge then, for some reason, to leave this place. To just simply step through the front door of the Kuchiki main residence.
"Byakuya-sama."
Byakuya looked up. For some reason whatever he had been thinking about had disappeared and he couldn't remember what it was no matter how hard he grasped. Hisana was waiting for him. He nodded to his servants.
"Go ahead of me and let her know that I will be there shortly."
His servants nodded and left, footsteps quick on the wooden floors. Byakuya, on the other hand, moved at his leisure. He got up and strolled out of his room and into the courtyard. The sun was bright today but the air cool. Perfect weather. He made his way through corridors and courtyards; the main Kuchiki residence was a sprawling affair, and yet it was only a small fraction of the entire estate. Soon enough he found himself at the courtyard outside his wife's bedroom.
Hisana was sitting on the perfectly-manicured green grass, underneath the purple blossoms of a Wisteria tree. She smiled up at him and Byakuya felt his heart stop. He came up and sat beside her, noting the low table that had been placed before her, holding tea and some of the western cakes she seemed to enjoy so much.
"Byakuya," she said, eyes beaming as she placed one of her hands over one of his. "How are you this morning?"
"Well," Byakuya answered. He draped his free hand on Hisana's, feeling the smooth silk of her skin. She looked as beautiful as ever, that joie de vivre inside her clear through those expressive eyes. And yet. . . and yet, something was different. Usually when he saw her it was unbearable, a tsunami of emotions threatening to spill forth from inside of him. But now his emotions were. . . muted. Something inside of him was different, Byakuya realized, though he had no idea what that was. "How are you? Are you feeling very ill today?"
Hisana laughed at that, a sound like bells. "What are you talking about, Byakuya? I've never felt ill a day in my life."
Byakuya blinked. There was something wrong with that. . . wasn't there? But with Hisana in front of him like this, smiling and healthy, he wasn't sure that he had the desire to protest. And yet, still, there was the notion that he shouldn't be here. That he should be leaving.
"Byakuya," Hisana said, leaning forward. "I thought we could spend today feeding the koi in the large pond. Afterwards we can sit by the water. You can practice your calligraphy while I make small temari. Does that not sound pleasant?"
Byakuya nodded. That did sound pleasant. But. . . "I must leave soon for the sixth division headquarters. My division needs me."
"But today's your day off," Hisana said. Her hand tightened over his. "Byakuya, I know that I've been unable to return your feelings towards me up to this point. But in the face of your devotion, of your gentle care, my emotions have grown and grown. . . and I realize now that. . . I love you, Byakuya. It took me some time, but I do love you. Please, just say that you will stay with me."
"Thank you, Hisana." It came out as a dumbfounded whisper. How he had always longed to hear those words, spoken from her lips. But even as his heart swelled he realized that his emotions weren't as strong as he had expected them to be given this occasion. His mind turned to his division, to his duties, to. . . his vice-captain. "But I really should leave, if only to check on affairs in the rest of this estate."
"But isn't this what you want?" She leaned even farther forward, her violet eyes overtaking Byakuya's field of vision. "Don't you want to stay here with me, to have your love returned by the woman you married?"
"I'm sorry, Hisana," Byakuya said, mind resolute, "but I must go."
Byakuya tried to remove his hand from hers, but her grip was surprisingly strong. Her eyes bore into his, as if reading the contents of his heart. There was something strange in them, something Byakuya had never remembered seeing before. For a moment a thought fleeted through his head: this wasn't Hisana. But just as quickly as it had come it was gone, and only the utter ridiculousness of the statement remained.
"If this isn't what you want," Hisana continued, eyes shining, "what is? Tell me, and I will give it to you, if only you'll stay."
For some reason, eyes the color of dark chocolate and burning as though on fire filled Byakuya's mind. The image flashed in his head for just a second before disappearing, before he could even place where it came from. Hisana smiled and moved away, releasing him from her grip.
"In any case," she said, "you should see Sojun before you leave. I believe he is in the calligraphy room."
"Father?" Byakuya felt his heart race. His father was here? And then he wondered why that should be so odd, when this was, after all, his father's home. "I will go to him now."
Hisana only smiled as Byakuya stood up and made his way to the calligraphy room. For some reason, anticipation swelled in his chest with each step that he took. But once he got to the room he froze, a hand on the door handle. He told himself to turn it, to pull the door open. But what if his father wasn't there. . . what if he opened the door to an empty room? Disappointment and heartbreak loomed ever closer, but Byakuya pulled over the door.
To see his father's soft gray eyes look up at him, a gentle smile on his face.
"Byakuya," Sojun said, "what's wrong? You look as though you're going to cry."
And all of the sudden Byakuya felt like the hotheaded, emotional whelp that he was a hundred years ago. He stepped towards his father, steps slow and awkward. He had an overwhelming urge to hug the man, but the Kuchikis were not exactly known for their affection. "It's just. . . I missed you."
Sojun's smile never wavered. "Don't be silly; we just saw each other yesterday."
Byakuya nodded and came to sit beside his father. Shaky fingers reached out to grab the fabric of Sojun's hakama, just to make sure, just to feel that the man was really there. But why shouldn't he be, wondered Byakuya. At any rate, his fingers caught onto fabric that was all too substantial. The feel of it made him want to cry, and for the life of him he didn't know why.
"Is Mother home?" Byakuya asked, eyes lighting up at the thought of his mother.
Sojun shook his head in the negative. "She's out having tea with the wives of the other noble houses."
So she was away on duty. "And what about Grandfather?"
"He has a social call with Captain Commander Yamamoto."
"And how are you feeling, Father?" Byakuya couldn't stop staring at Sojun. He was afraid that if he looked away, Sojun would disappear. He wasn't sure where these insecurities were coming from, but he knew that this was a moment that he should cherish.
"I'm fine," Sojun said, with a small laugh. "But you don't seem yourself today, Byakuya. Are you sure everything is okay?"
Byakuya nodded. "Everything is fine."
And, really, it was an understatement. It felt like so long that Byakuya could just sit next to his father like this, even though it must have been mere days ago. He remembered being a child and spending lazy afternoons just watching as Sojun's pale hand painted elegant characters on parchment. He was unbearably happy to be able to do it again.
"Father," he said, "are you enjoying your retirement?"
"Immensely." Gray eyes, forever beaming with that soft light, turned towards Byakuya. "You've worked so hard in order to take my place. You must know how grateful I am. . . but, more than that, Byakuya, I'm so proud of you. You've grown up to be an even more amazing man than I had expected, and my expectations for you were already immense. I'm so proud that I can call you my son."
Byakuya felt his eyes burning in spite of himself. "Even though. . . with Hisana. . ."
"You silly boy," Sojun said. "I would never begrudge you for falling in love."
"And Rukia?" For a moment Byakuya wasn't sure what he was talking about. Who, exactly, was Rukia, why was her name slipping from his lips. . .
"You were lost," Sojun said. He lifted his hand, brushed it against Byakuya's hair. "You were lost, but you found your way. In the end, you saved her. And that's enough."
Relief and absolution flooded through Byakuya's body. His father wasn't disappointed in him, after all. Byakuya felt a corner of his mouth lift upwards. Rukia and Hisana were rapidly falling from his mind, replaced instead with a flash of crimson red. As much as he wanted to spend time with his father, he knew that his duties with the sixth division called. He would be remiss in not attending to them. And besides, his father was here, alive and well. He would be here when Byakuya returned.
"I'm glad, Father," Byakuya said. "I should leave for the sixth division now, but I look forward to seeing you when I come home."
"There's no need," Sojun said. "After all, Abarai-fukutaichou is coming now to update you on how the division is doing."
"Renji?"
Sojun nodded. "You could stand to enjoy your days off a little bit more, Byakuya. Although I admit it is rare for Abarai-fukutaichou to come to the estate. Perhaps he is really coming for a more. . . personal matter?"
There was a sly look in Sojun's eyes that left Byakuya a little bit horrified. His unspoken emotions for Renji flared in his chest, and suddenly he felt as though they were visible for all to see.
"Of course," Sojun said, "although Abarai-kutaichou is certainly a strapping man, his pedigree leaves much to be desired."
Byakuya felt his heart drop.
"Although, considering that he will surely be promoted to captain soon, I dare say no one will have any complaints. Even the members of the noble Kuchiki family would stay their hands before insulting a captain of the Gotei 13, no matter what his roots."
Byakuya looked up, surprised. His father was smiling at him, and Byakuya couldn't help but smile back.
"I have your approval?" Byakuya asked.
"Oh, Byakuya," Sojun said with a sigh, "when will you realize that you will always have my approval? Of course my answer is a whole-hearted yes."
Byakuya nodded as his eyes started to sting agin. But then he stood up, resolving to come back once his meeting with Renji was done. "I will go meet Renji at headquarters."
"Actually," Sojun said. "I am told he is already here. Waiting for you in the tea room, I believe."
Byakuya nodded and turned to go. As Byakuya got closer and closer to the tea room, he started to hear mumbled words drifting out from inside of it. Apparently Renji was talking to himself, as Byakuya only heard one voice. He came to the open door and looked inside to see Renji staring intently at the lacquered screen wall with his hands clasped behind his back. He looked as though he were studying it, though it was clear his mind was on other matters.
"Byakuya, I. . . no, that's too casual. . . Kuchiki-taichou, there's something. . . no, no, that's wrong too."
A vague memory tugged at Byakuya's mind. It felt like Byakuya had spied in on Renji in this very room recently before, though he couldn't place the scene. He had an uncharacteristic urge to spy on the man once more, but came to the decision that it would be rather rude. Even though he was immensely curious to know what Renji was doing. He cleared his throat, causing Renji to spin around, his eyes wide.
"Taichou!"
"Renji," Byakuya said, striding into the room. He wondered if he should cut to the chase and ask what manner of speech Renji had just been practicing, but felt that Renji would come to that on his own time. Besides, there were more pressing matters at hand. "I believe that you have a report to make to me."
"Oh. Yeah." Renji was fidgeting somewhat on his feet, rolling back and forth on his heels a little. "The sixth division is fine. I've finished all your work, so you don't have to worry about it. All of the seated officers are doing their jobs as instructed, and the unseated officers are training. There is one thing, though, that I thought I should tell you. I just got back from speaking with Captain Commander Yamamoto. . . well, he offered me a captain's position."
"Then I believe congratulations are in order," Byakuya said, wondering why Renji did not look more enthusiastic about the news.
"Yeah. No." Renji shook his head, as if to clear it. "I mean, I haven't decided if I should take it yet."
"Why not?" Byakuya asked. "It seems a fitting opportunity."
"Because then I wouldn't be able to be near you anymore."
Brown eyes bore into his, and Byakuya felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn't sure that he wanted Renji to continue speaking; he thought perhaps he knew what the other man was going to say, and felt ill-prepared to deal with it at this state in time.
"Taichou," Renji continued, voice shaking, "the truth is, that is. . . I can't imagine not seeing you every day. I like you, Taichou. And I don't mean as a subordinate, and I don't mean as a friend. When I see you my heart races and my palms sweat, as cliché as that sounds. When I'm near you I want to kiss you, and more than anything I want you to feel the same way about me."
For several moments there was only silence between them. Byakuya was too shocked to say anything and Renji too scared. It was Renji who broke the stillness between them, sighing and making his way past Byakuya.
"Sorry," he said. "Forget I said anything. I'm an idiot."
Byakuya grabbed Renji's sleeve before he could make it more than a few steps away from him. Renji stopped and stared at him, confused and perhaps a little. . . hopeful? It was another long moment as they stood there, and Byakuya realized that he would have to be the one to act if he didn't want Renji to leave. But he couldn't think of what to do or say.
"Renji," he finally said, before pausing for a moment longer. "I don't deny that I could, perhaps, feel the same way about you."
From the way Renji was looking at him, it was as though he didn't believe the words Byakuya had just spoken. He just stared and blinked. Eventually the silence stretched on so long it grew awkward, and Byakuya frowned at the way things were going. He supposed that, as the superior officer, he should take action to rectify the situation. He grabbed onto Renji's sleeves and lifted himself up, to place a rather embarrassing kiss at the corner of Renji's mouth.
Byakuya started to lower his heels back onto the floor, but before he could do so all the way Renji was reaching an arm around his waist and pulling him forward. His heels came back up off the ground as his body was pulled flush against Renji's. This time it was Renji who initiated the kiss, and this time it was much less chaste than before. Renji's lips pressed firm and insistent against his, and Byakuya couldn't help but respond. He kissed back.
Byakuya reached his arms under Renji's arms, tangled his hands in the fabric covering Renji's back. They were pressed together so closely there was not an inch of space between them. And then, when Byakuya's lips parted, Renji's were quick to follow, their kisses deepening even more. It was all too easy for Byakuya to get caught up in them, all too easy for him to press back against each and every one. He hadn't stopped in when he had the chance, and now he was questioning if he really wanted to.
It was Renji who broke the kiss, though he didn't pull away more than a few millimeters. His forehead came to press against Byakuya's forehead, and when he spoke Byakuya could feel his lips moving against his.
"Taichou," Renji said, the words a hot whisper. "I. . . I want. . ."
But Renji couldn't say what he wanted, and eventually used actions to make up for his inability to be articulate. He shifted a little, enough that Byakuya could now feel something stiff pressing against his hip. And even as the knowledge of what it was made him flush, he couldn't help but feel his own cock grow in response. Still, he tried to pull away, though Renji's arms around his body ensured that he could not move very far.
"We can't," Byakuya said, even as his mind failed to supply reasons why not. Even as he failed to pull away when Renji kissed him again.
The kisses were more urgent this time, more insistent. They were so heated that they made Byakuya forget to breath, made him light-headed and dizzy. Renji's hands pulled at him, pulled at his clothes, and he felt his own hands doing the same. Cool air hit his shoulder as the fabric of his kimono was pulled down and then Renji's mouth was leaving his, moving instead to the expanse of skin at the base of his neck. Byakuya shivered as those lips pressed against his skin and sucked. His breath hitched and his head instinctually moved to give Renji more room.
The way Renji's mouth moved on such an innocous piece of flesh felt better than it logically should have. It sent pinpricks of pleasure dancing over Byakuya's skin, radiating outwards. It had been so long since Byakuya had felt this kind of intimacy. Since he had felt any kind of intimacy. Just the feel of a warm body against his felt almost unbearably good. He could stay like this forever, just holding Renji's body against his.
But Renji had other plans for them, and Byakuya found himself loath to go against them. He couldn't deny the fact that he wanted this just as much as Renji, was wondering why he had even tried to resist. So when Renji started to push him down towards the floor, he pulled the man right along with him. Their kisses were frantic by now. Not just sweet presses of lips against lips, they were hard and needy, with the occasional clumsy clashing of teeth. And yet they felt better than even before. And it felt like there were a million hands on both of them, pulling and tugging, until Byakuya somehow found himself on his knees on the floor as shaking arms grasped onto a nearby windowsill.
Outside, life was going on as usual. The expanse of the Kuchiki estate, all well-manicured gardens, laid out before him, servants and family members alike moving through the background. But they were all too far away to see or hear what was happening in this singular tea room, and besides, in Byakuya's mind it was hard to expand his universe farther than these four walls. All he was aware of was Renji behind him, arms wrapped around his waist, hands fumbling at the ties to his hakama.
Byakuya's breath caught as his pants fell away, dropping to the floor. Not a moment later he felt the back of his kimono being lifted up, exposing his backside to the air. Warm hands kneaded his flesh, spreading it, sending shivers through his skin. But that sensation was nothing compared to what came next. A wet, hot tongue pressed between the cleft of his ass, tracing the rim of his entrance. A shudder wracked through Byakuya's body as his fingers clenched around the windowsill. Part of him still couldn't believe that he was letting this happen, that he was letting Renji lick him there, but that part was quickly being overshadowed by the fact that it felt so unbelievably good.
Byakuya pushed back against that tongue and he was rewarded when it slipped inside of him. He couldn't help the barely audible moan that fell from his lips, the pleasure that flooded his body. He closed his eyes as Renji's tongue moved inside of him, all the better to concentrate on the way it felt. He could feel it undulating inside of him as Renji pushed it farther and farther in, feel it opening him up. It didn't take long before that tongue had him breathing heavy and panting with each thrust and swirl. To be honest, Byakuya had always enjoyed this particular sexual act more than actual penetrative sex, but the mere idea of being joined with someone else was undeniably provocative.
After a long while Renji removed his tongue and spit once into Byakuya's open hole. The sound of fabric shifting filled Byakuya's ears and he opened his eyes to stare out into the garden once again. It was hard to focus on the surroundings though, not when he knew what was about to come next. Sure enough, in a moment he felt it, something stiff and hot pressing against his skin. He could feel Renji position himself over him, Renji's chest flush against his back. A hand brushed against his ass a Renji positioned himself, and then Byakuya's breath caught as Renji pushed in.
As the tip of Renji's cock forced itself inside of him, Byakuya's body pitched forward. He was surprised by how easily he opened up, but there was still that initial shock of penetration, that odd feeling of having something inside of him there. Byakuya's arms dug into the windowsill as he steadied himself, as Renji stumbled slightly on top of him.
"Are you okay?" Renji asked, his voice a breathy moan.
"I'm fine," Byakuya replied, surprised to find that his voice was no more steady. "Keep going."
He needed this, he wanted it, as quickly as possible. Apparently Renji did too, because the other man pushed all the way into him with one hard, long thrust. Byakuya gasped as he felt himself spread open so completely. Renji's hands were a vice grip on his waist, Renji's breathing was loud and labored behind his ears. They stayed like that for a few moments, until the stillness was almost unbearable for Byakuya.
"Hurry," Byakuya said, "I want to feel you moving inside of me."
"Hold on," Renji replied, soft words uttered out between breaths. "You feel too good. If I start moving now I'll shoot right away."
Byakuya nodded as he tried to calm himself down. In a way it felt good just to be like this, too. Just the knowledge that he had Renji completely inside of him was enough to make his cock twitch and leak a little bit. And if he clenched down on his ass muscles he could feel Renji's cock all the more, stiff and long inside of him.
"Stop doing that," Renji finally said, sounding not a little bit on edge.
"Then move already," Byakuya bit back.
With a grunt Renji obeyed. He pulled himself out, but just a little bit, before pushing back in. He started to fuck Byakuya that way, in short, rolling thrusts, each movement sending waves of pleasure through both their bodies. Byakuya could hear the sounds of their love making fill the room and drift out the window. The noise of rustling fabric, of skin meeting skin. Of soft pants and moans that could have belonged to either one of them, or to both.
Byakuya's eyes stared in an unfocused way out the window. His arms sunk into the windowsill, sure to leave indents on his fair skin. But he didn't care about any of that. . . right now, all he could focus on was the feel of Renji's cock as it moved inside of him, on the pleasure it was giving him. Renji leaned forward even more as he fucked him, his mouth coming to latch onto Byakuya's neck once again. Byakuya shivered with the renewed assault on his skin. Then he started pushing back, rolling his hips to meet Renji's movements.
Renji moaned as Byakuya started to move. But it didn't take him long to catch on, moving in the rhythm that Byakuya was setting. Eventually, as the pacing grew quicker, Renji took the hint. Instead of his slow, rolling thrusts, Renji started to pull out even more of his cock before slamming back in. He started to really pound into the man beneath him, enough that the walls seemed to shake with their fucking. Byakuya's fingers were white where they grabbed onto the window frame and he was finding it increasingly difficult to keep from crying out. Renji felt too good inside of him. Byakuya wished that he could fuck him like this forever, but from Renji's increasingly erratic pacing and labored breathing, he didn't think the other man would last much longer.
"Don't release inside me," Byakuya managed to breath out. "It will leave a mess."
"I'll clean you up after," Renji promised, apparently not content to pull out and spill himself on the floor inside. "I want to cum inside of you."
Byakuya flushed at the words, unable to deny the provocative effect they had. He didn't protest as Renji only sped up his thrusts, as Renji moaned low in Byakuya's ear.
"Byakuya," Renji moaned, as Byakuya felt something hot and liquid shoot inside of him.
The sound of his given name from Renji's lips was almost enough to make Byakuya come himself. Almost. After his climax Renji was still for just a moment, then he pulled out with a wet noise that made Byakuya cringe.
True to his word, Renji bent down as Byakuya remained in the same position, his tongue coming to lap at Byakuya's hole. Byakuya moaned as one of Renji's hands found its way to his neglected cock and started to pull on it, even as Renji's tongue forced its way inside of him once again. It squirmed and twisted inside of him as Renji tried to lick up any trace that he had left there earlier.
The feeling of Renji's tongue up his hole and Renji's hand on his cock was almost too much for Byakuya. It felt even better than it did when Renji was just fucking him, and it wasn't long before he grunted his release, spilling his seed into Renji's hand. As he came Byakuya collapsed against the window, even as Renji continued to lather attention on his backside. And it still felt good, to have Renji rimming him, enough that Byakuya made a small whine of protest when his tongue and mouth finally left the area.
Renji was pulling him back, into Renji's chest, then into a soft, warm futon. A scintilla of wrongness passed through Byakuya's mind before it was gone again. He wondered at that, at all the times throughout this day that he had felt. . . odd. But as they fell into the cushioned mattress Byakuya found it hard to think about that. He turned, and then there were lips meeting his again, and he kissed Renji as he pressed their bodies together. This is what he wanted, he thought. This felt right.
"Stay with me," Renji said. "Say that you'll stay here with me."
Byakuya didn't protest. Right now, he couldn't imagine being anywhere but in this bed. "Of course. I'll stay."
Renji smiled, and there was something to it that Byakuya couldn't recognize at the moment.
"Good," Renji said, and Byakuya wondered why a shiver ran up his spine at the word.
